Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Overture, Curtain Lights: The Leo Guide To Romantic Compatibility


Welcome to the twelve-screen multiplex of Love. Today we're going to see if we can successfully hook our friend Leo up with the man/woman/movie of his/her/its dreams. And if you're a true movie fan, you know that the right review from the right critic can improve your chance of being really entertained... despite the sticky floor and overpriced popcorn. Of course, even your favorite film critic can get it wrong once in a while... and what's more fun than uncovering an under appreciated cinematic gem?

Tickets, please...

NOW SHOWING:

Blaze Of Love (Aries and Sagittarius): Action! Suspense! Romance! This one has it all. Aries can't help but overact a little, and Sagittarius is all exhuberance and no technique, but with a little editing this one could have been perfect. Big thumbs up! FIVE STARS.

C'est Moi, Mon Amour (Leo): An intense and compelling tale with few flaws. The main flaw here is that the romantic leads keep acting like it's just their movie. A bit sappy for some people's tastes. FOUR STARS.

The Mirror Has Two Faces (Gemini and Libra): Playful and romantic. The fast-paced but occasionally erratic screenplay keeps things moving at a furious clip. The perfect way to while away an evening. Occasionally thin characterization leaves some doubt as to whether or not the energy can be maintained for the planned sequels. THREE AND A HALF STARS.

I Married A Martian (Aquarius): An obscure yet compelling opening leads the audience into a wonderland of surprises, romance, and culture clashes. The director's detached approach can be frustrating for the summer-romance-movie crowd. The special effects are amazing, but at times you'll crave the human element more. THREE AND A HALF STARS.

Pinchy And The Drain (Cancer): This fish-out-of-water comedy/romance/buddy movie works better than you might expect. The film bogs down at about the two-thirds point in maudlin sentimentality. Affectionate, wants to reach out to the audience, but at times you'll wonder about character motivation, and not necessarily in a good way. THREE STARS.

The Sting III - Ouch! (Scorpio):A confused tale of a carefree organ-grinder's monkey and the researcher who loves it, yet wants to dissect it. The two are strangely compelled to each other, and it all plays out in a painfully predictable ending. PETA protested on opening night, and you may too before it's over. Warning: extreme gore. TWO AND A HALF STARS.

Warm Heart, Clean Fish (Virgo And Pisces): This tale of an obsessive-compulsive fishmonger and an alcoholic marine biologist starts out promising. Sometimes when a director juxtaposes two incompatible characters it's a classic buddy movie; this one's just all wet. Sweet, but never seems to really gel into a coherent storyline. TWO AND A HALF STARS.

Pamplona Or Bust (Taurus): Slow-paced and frustrating, yet packed with explosions and car chases. This film knows what it wants right from the opening credits and won't let go, which is not necessarily a good thing. You'll wonder what karma made you pick this instead of one of the comedies. A tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury; signifying nothing. TWO STARS.

Death On A Glacier (Capricorn): Challenging and surprisingly complex. Not for the faint of heart. This one is a tough climb right from the start. The director seems unsympathetic to his characters, yet there is a point to it all. You just may have a hard time sitting through 90 minutes of frozen wasteland and flat dialogue to get to it. ONE STAR.

Of course, all decent movies have a character overcoming some challenge or another. And this cineplex offers twelve screens full of challenges, each different. Besides, you love movies. Even the bad ones, sometimes...







4 comments:

Pat Paquette said...

So, Matthew, I guess you don't believe in perfect complement, opposites attract, and all that? As far as Sun sign compatibility goes, I'm pretty good with Leos. Then, maybe it's just a twist of synastry, since I'm also Rising Aquarius, and my ruler is in Leo in the seventh house.

Speaking of furry beasts, you're just killing me with those monkeys. You are wicked and deserve a good, sound spanking.

chrispito said...

HA HA HA HA!!!!!

Camilo said...

Hello I just discovered your blog, great I can say!! I have one question: Why is Pisces associated to Virgo? Thank you. I adored the goldilock guide, I am Pisces.

Matthew The Astrologer said...

Thanks, Vamilo! Long story short: Virgo is the sign opposite Pisces in the Zodiac, and (like they say) opposites usually attract.

If you are a Pisces attempting to make sense of a Virgo... or vice versa... my condolences. ;)