Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Papers Please: Saturn Is Detained At The Virgo-Libra Border

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(SCENE: A small customs office at the Virgo-Libra border. Outside, on the Virgo side of the border, a small crowd is gathered, cheering and waving banners that say things like "Good Riddance!" and "See you in 28 Years!" On the Libra side of the border, a few somberly-dressed tour guides quietly await their new client. Inside the Custom's Office, SATURN sits patiently in his long black robe at a desk while a LIBRA security guard examines SATURN'S papers.)

LIBRA: Business, or pleasure?

SATURN: Pleasure. (pauses) Just kidding.

LIBRA: Okay, everything looks in order here. You have baggage?

SATURN: (Lifts an improbably large suitcase) Just this one bag.

LIBRA: All right. The dogs didn't smell any controlled substances (raises his rubber stamp above SATURN'S passport) so you're all clear to --

(Suddenly, the door behind the guard bursts open, and MEL GIBSON bursts into the room)

MEL GIBSON: (Shouting) Stop that motherBLEEPing planet!! (His speech throughout is interrupted by a "bleeping" sound that seems to appear out of nowhere)

LIBRA: (Startled) What are you doing here? You aren't even a Libra!

MEL GIBSON: This BLEEPer has been BLEEPing with me for too BLEEPing long! (MEL GIBSON pulls a semiautomatic pistol out of his jacket and unloads the entire clip into SATURN'S chest. LIBRA ducks under the table.) Die you BLEEPing piece of BLEEP!

SATURN: (Completely unimpressed) Yeah, like that was going to do you any good.

MEL GIBSON: BLEEP! BLEEP! I hate you motherBLEEPer! I don't deserve the BLEEP you've BLEEPing given me! My Moon is at zero BLEEPing degrees Libra and it's ruining my BLEEPing personal and professional life!

SATURN: (Calmly explaining to LIBRA, who is still under the table) Mr. Gibson is clearly displeased with the nature of my work. You see, it's my job to --

MEL GIBSON: It should be your job to shut the BLEEP up and go BLEEP yourself! I hate you! You hear me? You do NOTHING for me!

SATURN: Actually, in the long run, I do plenty for you. You see, as a person goes through their life they do various things that could be considered "right" or "wrong," both in a practical and a larger, spiritual sense. I'm just here to provide --

(Several security guards enter the room and drag MEL GIBSON away)

MEL GIBSON: I hope you get gangBLEEPed by a bunch of BLEEPs until your BLEEP falls off, you BLEEPing -- (the guards drag MEL away and the door closes.)

LIBRA: (After a long pause) So, um... what's in the suitcase?

SATURN: (Patting the suitcase affectionately) Karma. Lots and lots of Karma.


Starry Night Astrology said...

Brilliant, as usual, Mr. Currie.

Anonymous said...

Oh! OH!! Ouch!!

Anonymous said...

I love this!!

Anonymous said...

The entire scene looks BLEEPing weird till mother BLEEPing Saturn speaks the last BLEEPing sentence. That makes every BLEEPing thing fall into BLEEPing place! Brilliant, keep it up!!

Juliemarie said...

haha love it

Beep said...

This Libra is trying to send it back to Virgo. It hasn't been very easy being a Libra, what with the Saturn exaltation weighing us down even in good times, and with so many of the countries of the world being so Capricornish and not exactly nurturing environments for us and now with Uranus in Aries and Pluto in Capricorn to deal with at the same time that Saturn is trying to establish a presence in our sign...I'm sure Virgo coped just fine with Saturn and could do so for a lot longer!

Nicola said...

Very funny again! Thank you!

Matthew The Astrologer said...

Aww, thank you. Anything I can do to relieve the pain. ;)

Matthew The Astrologer said...

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