Conquer The Universe With Astrology: Three-Way Karmic Action!

On the next "Conquer The Universe With Astrology":


FIRST: Karmic Astrologer Marguerite Manning joins me to discuss "FATHER HUNGER AND MOMMY DEAREST: ARE YOU INVOLVED IN AN UNCONSCIOUS 3-WAY?" (I swear she came up with that title). We'll be talking about all the unconscious ways your Venus and/or Saturn placement can really screw with your love life.



THEN: Canadian recording artist Veronica Start will join us for a very specific look at how that Uranus-Pluto square has panned out in her life so far. 


AND IN BETWEEN: Your questions answered when you call in or join the Chat Room, what to expect from Mars in Leo, and the occasional sound effect.

Thursday at 10 PM Eastern, 7 PM Pacific

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN OR SET A REMINDER!

(And for those of you who like to play along at home, Here's Veronica's chart, with transiting planets on the outside):

Free Curse Removal! The Jupiter-Saturn Opposition

You know those scams where some fake psychic claims you have a curse, and for X number of dollars he/she will "remove" it? Well, that's a great way to make a lot of money for little work, but that isn't my style. Tonight on "Conquer The Universe With Astrology" I'll be discussing the current Jupiter-Saturn opposition and its effects on you. Plus, give me a call at (323) 443-7252 and I'll answer your questions!

And if I DO remove your curse... or if you just appreciate the show and the advice, feel free to drop by and visit my Donations Page. And no, I won't hex you if you don't.

10 PM Eastern, 7 PM Pacific

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN OR SET A REMINDER!

Check out my show! If you like what you hear... there's more to come in the future! Please feel free to drop by and visit my Donations Page. It's what keeps me going and, and you might just get a surprise...

And yes, I still send free stuff to everyone who writes me!


If you're new to this blog, here's a sample of my previous shows and blog entries. Enjoy!

North Korean Astrology: Let's Learn About Saturn, Or Else!

Those pesky North Koreans: not only are they arming themselves with nuclear weapons, they're arming themselves with astrology! Recoil in terror at this educational video recently smuggled out of Pyongyang in the luggage of a numerologist posing as a UN Relief worker. Funny thing is, though: an oppressive, monolithic, controlling state like North Korea seems to have a pretty good grasp on the whole Saturn concept. Watch this terrifying glimpse into totalitarian astrological technique...

Join me this Thursday on "Conquer The Universe With Astrology" when my guest will be Jeff Jawer! CLICK HERE to set a reminder...

Astro-Singalong: Full Moon In Aquarius, Jupiter And Uranus Opposing Mars And Saturn

(Catch me at Tedda Hughes Gallery tonight, 7:30 to 9, 1623 Polk Street, San Francisco!)

When you were young and your heart was an open book
You used to say life and let live
(you know you did, you know you did you know you did)
But in this ever changing world in which we live in
Makes you give in and cry
Say live and let die


Live and let die
Live and let die
Live and let die


What does it matter to ya?
When you got a job to do
You gotta do it well
You gotta give the other fellow hell


When you were young and your heart was an open book
You used to say life and let life
(you know you did, you know you did you know you did)
But in this ever changing world in which we live in
Makes you give in and cry...


-Paul McCartney & Wings, "Live And Let Die"

Papers Please: Saturn Is Detained At The Virgo-Libra Border

(My usual stuff is HERE at Astrologydating.com, and you can write me HERE for details on a reading, and free stuff!)

(SCENE: A small customs office at the Virgo-Libra border. Outside, on the Virgo side of the border, a small crowd is gathered, cheering and waving banners that say things like "Good Riddance!" and "See you in 28 Years!" On the Libra side of the border, a few somberly-dressed tour guides quietly await their new client. Inside the Custom's Office, SATURN sits patiently in his long black robe at a desk while a LIBRA security guard examines SATURN'S papers.)

LIBRA: Business, or pleasure?

SATURN: Pleasure. (pauses) Just kidding.

LIBRA: Okay, everything looks in order here. You have baggage?

SATURN: (Lifts an improbably large suitcase) Just this one bag.

LIBRA: All right. The dogs didn't smell any controlled substances (raises his rubber stamp above SATURN'S passport) so you're all clear to --

(Suddenly, the door behind the guard bursts open, and MEL GIBSON bursts into the room)

MEL GIBSON: (Shouting) Stop that motherBLEEPing planet!! (His speech throughout is interrupted by a "bleeping" sound that seems to appear out of nowhere)

LIBRA: (Startled) What are you doing here? You aren't even a Libra!

MEL GIBSON: This BLEEPer has been BLEEPing with me for too BLEEPing long! (MEL GIBSON pulls a semiautomatic pistol out of his jacket and unloads the entire clip into SATURN'S chest. LIBRA ducks under the table.) Die you BLEEPing piece of BLEEP!

SATURN: (Completely unimpressed) Yeah, like that was going to do you any good.

MEL GIBSON: BLEEP! BLEEP! I hate you motherBLEEPer! I don't deserve the BLEEP you've BLEEPing given me! My Moon is at zero BLEEPing degrees Libra and it's ruining my BLEEPing personal and professional life!

SATURN: (Calmly explaining to LIBRA, who is still under the table) Mr. Gibson is clearly displeased with the nature of my work. You see, it's my job to --

MEL GIBSON: It should be your job to shut the BLEEP up and go BLEEP yourself! I hate you! You hear me? You do NOTHING for me!

SATURN: Actually, in the long run, I do plenty for you. You see, as a person goes through their life they do various things that could be considered "right" or "wrong," both in a practical and a larger, spiritual sense. I'm just here to provide --

(Several security guards enter the room and drag MEL GIBSON away)

MEL GIBSON: I hope you get gangBLEEPed by a bunch of BLEEPs until your BLEEP falls off, you BLEEPing -- (the guards drag MEL away and the door closes.)

LIBRA: (After a long pause) So, um... what's in the suitcase?

SATURN: (Patting the suitcase affectionately) Karma. Lots and lots of Karma.

Visual Metaphor: Your Love Life With Jupiter And Uranus Conjunct in Aries... And Opposed By Saturn

(All my regular stuff is HERE. Contact me for consultation rates and a freebie HERE!)

Astro-Singalong: Mars Conjunct Saturn In Virgo, Ruled By Mercury In Leo

I could be wrong I could be right

I could be wrong I could be right

I could be wrong I could be right

I could be black I could be white

I could be black I could be white

I could be white I could be black

Your time has come your second skin

The cost so high the gain so low

Walk through the valley

The written word is a lie

Astro-Singalong: Lingering Doubts As Saturn in Virgo Quincunxes Neptune In Aquarius

(Find my regular blog entries HERE, for free!)

Father look in my eyes
See me as I really am
You made me
Now take me...


Tell me how it feels now
Behold you flesh has come of age
Forsake me, you break me...
Father!

When Your Partner's Saturn Squares Your Venus

Anyone who has had a relationship can tell you that no relationship is perfect. We're human, and the complexities of our birth charts reflect that. How many times have you heard a friend (or yourself) say something like this at the beginning of a relationship...

"Oh, it's sooooo adorable when you fall asleep and start snoring!"

And then, by the end of the relationship, you hear/say...

"If I lose one more night of sleep to your snoring, I'm going to kill you!"

Any relationship that lasts longer than five minutes has to both value the positives each person brings to it, and work with (or ignore) the negatives. Any theoretical long-term relationship that doesn't have to follow that basic principle must, sadly, await further advances in robotics. And when an astrologer, or an astrology dating site, makes a pronouncement as to whether a relationship is a "good" idea or a "bad" one has to take this into consideration.

Case in point: in most references, you'll see that if Person A's Venus is squared by Person B's Saturn, the relationship is likely to either be a non-starter, or simply a bad idea. The truth is, though, that if there are enough "good" aspects between the two people, there is a good chance the relationship will be "good." And, if the two people are mindful of the relationship, there's always opportunities to work around that particular "bad" aspect.

(The rest is HERE, at the World's Mightiest Astrology Dating Site... for FREE!)

American Pigeons: A Story About Saturn In Virgo (UPDATED)

(Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water... Saturn has retrograded back into Virgo. The advice in this entry all still applies, and you can read the update HERE. Stay calm!)

I was born and raised in Canada, which in most respects is more like America than it is unlike America. But there are certain interesting differences. Like, for example... the pigeons. In both countries, pigeons can be found in any major city, bobbing along and picking at the wreckage left by humans and generally provoking anger at their tendency to crap on things.

In an urban setting, pigeons make an interesting metaphor for the functions of a Saturn transit. Saturn itself is often associated with the detritus pigeons pick off the street. Saturn also has a lot to do with excrement -- both literally and figuratively.

Although they are essentially the same birds performing the same function in both countries, I have noticed one distinct difference between the birds in the two countries:

American pigeons don't keep out of your way.

Canadian pigeons tend to leave a respectful distance between themselves and the foot traffic they encounter every day. American pigeons, on the other hand, seem to take a certain delight in pushing their luck. They're more "in your face." They still get out of your way, of course, eventually -- cockiness only goes so far as an evolutionary strategy -- but they are more blatant. And, as a result, they provoke a greater response from the average person. In America, one is much more likely to hear pigeons referred to as "rats with wings." I don't recall a Canadian ever getting annoyed with them to the same degree.

Saturn is on its final swing through Virgo now, where it has played hell with a lot of people's lives since 2007. There will be a brief retrograde return visit in 2010, but for the most part -- we're done with it. In October Saturn passes into Libra, which may not be great news for Libras -- but it is the sign of Saturn's exaltation, so for many it will be a more comfortable fit.

In my experience, however, it's the time when Saturn is passing through the end of a sign is that the difficulties of the last two years may not be necessarily worse... but somehow they are more obvious. In other words... those damned pigeons aren't getting out of the way very quickly or easily.

Be brave. We only have a little further to go. Don't kick at those pigeons... they'll be out of your way soon enough.

Saturn in Libra, Square Pluto In Capricorn

It's not suffering, per se... it's about seeing through the material things and perceiving The Truth. And sometimes... that can get a little messy. Ultimately, though, it's for the best.

.

.

Anvil: The Heavy Metal Key To Understanding Saturn In Libra

By now, you've undoubtedly heard that Saturn has entered Libra, and read a lot of things about how Libra is the "partnership sign" and how Saturn's presence there means your relationships will be tested, and your standards of fairness will be challenged, and how it will be more difficult to manage your budget, and so on.

This of course is all true... but I can't help but wonder if somehow Saturn's real message isn't being lost in all the details. Astrology can be like that sometimes. There are so many little details to keep an eye on that it's entirely too easy to miss the forest for the trees.

So rather than present a laundry list of what Saturn in Libra "means" or "doesn't mean"... I'd like to present you with an object lesson on how to handle it. Seriously: there is an easy way you can learn everything you need to know about surviving and thriving under Saturn in Libra... and you can rent it and watch it in an hour and a half. It also happens to be (probably) the best documentary I've ever seen.

Now... watch this trailer for "Anvil! The Story Of Anvil." Then go out and get a copy:

To summarize:

-Achieving your goals, particularly if you are an artist or other creator, is never easy.

-Making money being a creator is often difficult.

-Maintaining a partnership with someone you love is often made difficult by practical considerations.

-Often... it would be easier to just give up and let "common sense" dictate your behavior.

But more than anything, the real lesson of Saturn in Libra (or in any other sign, for that matter) is this:

Never give up.

"That's dedication, pal."

(If you're new here... welcome! Meet my show, "Conquer The Universe With Astrology")

Saturn: The Onion Sombrero

I wrote a blog elsewhere once, wherein I used to complain about politics and pop culture and anything else that dared to wander into my snarky gaze.

One of the targets of my self-righteous fury was a particular commercial for Coke Zero. To wit:

"You may have recently been exposed to a commercial for Coke Zero involving a disembodied tongue, eyeball, and brain, debating the merits of Coke Zero while a second tongue stands in the distance and watches...

No, this is not something that happened to me on LSD. It's a real commercial.

The thing ends with the brain breaking up the tongue/eyeball debate. He threatens to make the tongue eat dirt, and ends with this very peculiar threat to the eyeball:

"You are going to have to wear the onion sombrero. All. Day. Long. Señor."

I've seen the ad several times and I can confirm that yes, the brain does say "onion sombrero." At first I wondered if this was some slang term I simply hadn't heard before, like "Dirty Sanchez."

I think I have uncovered the secret of The Onion Sombrero. I think Coke is trying to launch a meme. It's a catchy phrase, and a Google search reveals that the phrase didn't exist prior to the commercial. And hey, if Google can't find something, it doesn't exist, right?"

I was (and still am) of the belief that "onion sombrero" was a deliberate attempt to manufacture a "meme," that is: a rogue bit of cultural data that takes off on its own and infects the minds of thousands, if not millions.

I have almost forgotten about this, until recently when the ad in question came back. And then I heard a teenager on the street use the term "onion sombrero" with one of his buddies.

I've heard various opinions as to what this vegetable headgear is... the most likely explanation I've heard is that it is "a contact lens."

Personally: I've come to the conclusion that, astrologically at least... Saturn is the Onion Sombrero. Saturn is, literally or figuratively, something you threaten someone with. Saturn is restriction and suffering.

Of course, Saturn is also structure and order and bones and skin, without which you (literally and figuratively) wouldn't have a leg to stand on. And, just as the phrase "onion sombrero" may have you scratching your head and saying "Wha...?," Saturn may have you rubbing the lumps it put on your head and saying "Why me?"

So, if you see this Coke Zero ad: try not to be puzzled. The weird imagery and odd choice of words are all deliberate attempts to bamboozle your mind into buying a carbonated drink that you don't really need.

On the other hand, if you are confronted by Saturn, remember that you do really need it, even if it isn't very comfortable. And it will pass. And odds are good you'll come out of the other side of a Saturn Transit a better person, one way or another.

One's bad for your teeth. The other is good for your soul.

It's a reading, it's a forecast, it's a book... all for less than the cost of a reading! It's Conquer The Universe With Astrology! And the amazing Recession Buster Forecast Deal is still going strong! Write me with your date, time, and city of birth here for more details. And please specify if you are interested in the book, the Recession Buster forecast, or both. They're both good, and both come with surprise bonuses!

Are You Ready For More Dick?

"Saturn and Neptune aren't done with Dick (Cheney) yet. Stay tuned."

-Me, about three and a half months ago, on Dick Cheney

There are few things in life an astrologer likes than being right... even if it's about bad news. Former US Vice President Dick Cheney (who we all thought we were done with a while ago) is back in the news. And, as is usually the case for Dick, the news isn't good.

As you may recall, there was a story floating around the fringes of that Liberal Media you keep hearing abut that Dick had his own private hit squad while Vice President. This of course was quietly dismissed as partisan politics. Those charges may seem a little less paranoid in light of recent statements that Dick went “outside the law” when it came to not letting other members of the government know about certain CIA activities.

Which CIA activities? Secret stuff. Spy stuff. Maybe death squad stuff... we just aren't sure.

What am I sure about? Well, for one thing, transiting Saturn is now conjunct Dick's secondary-progressed Moon, ruler of his eleventh House ("love received"), and he certainly doesn't seem to have won any one's hearts with this latest set of rumors. I'm also sure transiting Jupiter and Neptune quincunxing natal Ascendant ruler Mercury isn't very good for public image.

One more thing I'm sure about? The transiting Sun (so often called a malefic in Vedic astrology, and so often causing me to agree) will be passing through Dick Cheney's 12th House (hidden matters) starting in about a week and a half, and continuing until mid to late August.

...and I'm sure there's going to be more legal activity that backs up the rumors. You heard it here first.

(Then again, maybe I'm just imagining that because I really, really like to see justice done, and I really, really like America in general, and I really, really wish they'd turn on those of their own who pervert its own best principles. Who knows? I'm an idealist. Like I said, we'll see...)

Dick Cheney: January 30, 1941, about 7:30 PM, Lincoln, Nebraska.)

The Amazing Recession-Buster Astrology Experiment CONTINUES, new and improved, and still no obligation! Click HERE for details!

.

American Pigeons: A Story About Saturn In Virgo (UPDATED)

(Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water... Saturn has retrograded back into Virgo. The advice in this entry all still applies, and you can read the update HERE. Stay calm!)

I was born and raised in Canada, which in most respects is more like America than it is unlike America. But there are certain interesting differences. Like, for example... the pigeons. In both countries, pigeons can be found in any major city, bobbing along and picking at the wreckage left by humans and generally provoking anger at their tendency to crap on things.

In an urban setting, pigeons make an interesting metaphor for the functions of a Saturn transit. Saturn itself is often associated with the detritus pigeons pick off the street. Saturn also has a lot to do with excrement -- both literally and figuratively.

Although they are essentially the same birds performing the same function in both countries, I have noticed one distinct difference between the birds in the two countries:

American pigeons don't keep out of your way.

Canadian pigeons tend to leave a respectful distance between themselves and the foot traffic they encounter every day. American pigeons, on the other hand, seem to take a certain delight in pushing their luck. They're more "in your face." They still get out of your way, of course, eventually -- cockiness only goes so far as an evolutionary strategy -- but they are more blatant. And, as a result, they provoke a greater response from the average person. In America, one is much more likely to hear pigeons referred to as "rats with wings." I don't recall a Canadian ever getting annoyed with them to the same degree.

Saturn is on its final swing through Virgo now, where it has played hell with a lot of people's lives since 2007. There will be a brief retrograde return visit in 2010, but for the most part -- we're done with it. In October Saturn passes into Libra, which may not be great news for Libras -- but it is the sign of Saturn's exaltation, so for many it will be a more comfortable fit.

In my experience, however, it's the time when Saturn is passing through the end of a sign is that the difficulties of the last two years may not be necessarily worse... but somehow they are more obvious. In other words... those damned pigeons aren't getting out of the way very quickly or easily.

Be brave. We only have a little further to go. Don't kick at those pigeons... they'll be out of your way soon enough.

Try the September Special! A full-blown astrological consultation for ONE THIRD the regular price! Write me with your date, time, and city of birth here for more details.

Public Embarassment - Saturn and Neptune Bring Dick Cheney's Hit Squad To Light

When you have Virgo rising (ruled by Mercury), and your Mercury is in Aquarius in the Sixth House, people won't generally see you as a sympathetic character, especially when it comes to your approach to how you do your job. And when transiting Neptune is conjuncting that Mercury, and the transiting Moon is squaring your Ascendant, and Saturn is passing through your First House, don't be too surprised if some of your less-than-ethical job practices are revealed to the public.

...Kind of like right now for former US Vice President Dick Cheney. The story about JSOC, Dick Cheney's private Death Squad which I discussed here two weeks ago, and which was at first completely ignored or dismissed as left-wing lunacy, is finally on CNN.

Saturn and Neptune aren't done with Dick yet. Stay tuned.

.

.

Faith, Astrology, And Cylons

For those of you who haven't watched "Battlestar Galactica," two assignments today:

1) Get to work buying, downloading, or stealing all four seasons of the new "Battlestar Galactica." You know, deep in your heart, that you want a week off from work... and BSG is the best way you could spend it.

2) Have a look at today's choice re-runs here:

The Feast Of Chiron

Transits: Awaiting The Divine Hammer Blow

...then skip over the rest of this entry until you're caught up on Battlestar Galactica. You'll thank me later.

***

Battlestar Galactica ended last Friday. The series had always been good at throwing surprises at its fans, and the show ended with what was a huge surprise for some, and no surprise at all for others:

Battlestar Galactica was a four-year-long parable about faith, reincarnation, human nature, and destiny.

Doctor Gaius Baltar wasn't exactly the "bad guy" of the series... that role more naturally falls to a race of genocidal religious-fanatic robots, The Cylons. Creator/producer Ron Moore once described Baltar as "the most human of the human characters." This, as you can well imagine, certainly made him look like a villain at times. In the first two hours of the series, he violated security protocols and (unwittingly) enabled the Cylons... rampaging race of rebellious robots... to launch a sneak attack on Humanity, almost completely wiping it out.

From that point onward, Baltar spent most of his time covering his ass regarding his guilt in this, and in various other schemes/plots/lies all intended to further cover his complicity in the near-annihilation of the human race. Baltar has at times struggled towards The Light, but in true human form, he fell short. Repeatedly.

The crux of the entire series fell to a single conversation between Baltar and Cavil (the leader of the Cylons, and perhaps the only true atheist on the show) who held a gun to the head of a child who turned out to be of vital importance to both sides. And in that one scene, Baltar redeems himself... both as a person, and in a larger, spiritual sense.

And, in my humble opinion... coming from someone who has Saturn in the Ninth House, someone who has always been secretly annoyed by the dogma and irrationality that spirituality (and yes, astrology) often come coated in... words of Great Truth were spoken that night:

Baltar: I may be mad, but that doesn't mean that I'm not right. Because there's another force at work here; there always has been. It's undeniable. We've all experienced it. Everyone in this room has witnessed events that they can't fathom, let alone explain away by rational means. Puzzles deciphered in prophecy. Dreams given to a chosen few... whether we want to call that God or gods or some sublime inspiration or a divine force we can't know or understand, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It's here. It exists. And our two destinies are entwined in its force.

Cavil: If that's true, and that's a big if, how do I know that this force has our best interests in mind? How do you know that God is on your side, Doctor?

Baltar: I don't. God's not on any one side. God's a force of nature, beyond good and evil. Good and evil, we created those. Want to break the cycle? Break the cycle of birth, death, rebirth, destruction, escape, death. Well, that's in our hands, and our hands only. It requires a leap of faith. It requires that we live in hope, not fear.

Thank you Ron Moore... and thank you Battlestar Galactica... for making it a little easier to believe in something greater, surrounded as we are by dogma, machines, and intolerance. Thank you.

And what about YOUR future? It starts HERE. Give it a click and send in your info... no obligation.

Weird Science: Saturn-Uranus And Morgellon's Disease

One feature of the ongoing Saturn-Uranus opposition is that one can expect weird things to come hatching out... and in one case that's in the news: literally hatching out. Of your skin.

The Centers For Disease Control (CDC) are finally investigating a weird phenomenon I've kept an eye on for some time: Morgellon's Disease, a medical condition which a lot of doctors don't even believe exists.

Morgellon's comes with an interesting collection of symptoms. Often sufferers report confusion, joint pain, and memory problems. But that's not the weird part. The primary symptom is a sense of crawling under the skin, like bugs are burrowing through you. And then the rash breaks out.

And then tiny, mysterious coloured fibres hatch out of you. Sometimes white, black, red or blue.

Another mysterious thing about Morgellon's: most doctors treat it as "hysterical parasitosis:" in other words... "you're crazy because you think you've got bugs inside you." This, despite the very weird but very obvious fibers involved.

There is another Saturn-Uranus possibility that has been mentioned: that Morgellon's is caused by Agrobacterium, a common bacterium used in various genetic-engineering projects. One of the reasons Agrobacterium is used for this is that it was believed, at first, that it did not infect humans or animals.

Oops.

So it's possible... just possible... that we are now, for the first time, seeing one of the stranger unintended consequences of modern genetic engineering technology.

Mainstream science... though I have a great love and admiration for it... doesn't really want to admit that things it doesn't believe in are real. Like, you know... astrology, for example. Scientists are human, and part of being human is the ability to deny the obvious. But science... True Science... is the practice of accepting observations as they are, and attempting to make sense of them. The Saturn-Uranus opposition is giving us all the opportunity to be scientists with our own lives. It's just a matter of reading the data.

Saturn rules skin, among other things. This opposition may not manifest itself in your life by you getting some strange new skin disorder. But Saturn also rules your sense of order: how life is, or how it's supposed to be. And Uranus rules the strange and unexpected. Odds are good you are feeling the changes brought by the Saturn-Uranus opposition in some department of your life.

So: what's come hatching out of your life lately?

.

.

The Amazing Surprise Economic Turnaround Astrology Experiment continues! Click here to read more, and to join in!

Saturn In Pisces In The Ninth: An Interview

"Listen up, maggots. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else."

-Fight Club

(SCENE: The Interview Room. MATTHEW THE ASTROLOGER sits behind the desk. There is a knock at the door and it opens slowly, making a long creaking noise. SATURN IN THE NINTH HOUSE enters, dressed in long black robes, and walks slowly and deliberately to the desk and sits down. He produces an hourglass and places it on the desk.)

S9H: Hello.

MTA: Oh, ah, hello. I wasn't expecting you.

S9H: It's strange how no one ever does, isn't it?

MTA: I have to be honest with you: I don't quite know how to approach you. I mean we all know what you represent --

S9H: Limitations, structure, order, boundaries, bones and teeth, and so on. Yes. It's not the most exciting job in the Zodiac, being the designated driver.

MTA: Yes. In my birth chart you're in Pisces... with its reputation for dreamy spirituality, and you're in the Ninth House, representing the higher mind, philosophy, religion...

S9H: Don't forget Higher Education. Remember that screw-up that kept you out of USC Film School?

MTA: Yeah. I'd rather not be reminded of that.

S9H: There are many things your lot don't want to be reminded of.

MTA: What's that supposed to mean?

S9H: You lot. Spiritual people who like to think that everything is always nice and glowy and that all of life is hot and cold running Good Karma on demand, like we live in heaven all the time except when we go on vacation to a spa.

MTA: I'd like to think I'm not quite like that.

S9H: You'd like to think a lot of things about yourself. And when there's a disconnect between what we think and what really is -- (reaches out and taps the hourglass) like when you wake up in the morning and the wrinkles are deeper than you expected -- you all act so afraid. And when things get tight and they hurt, you all call your priest or rabbi or astrologer or doctor or psychic healer or Dr. Phil as if they can somehow barter with Fate for you. Hmph. Wishful thinking at its finest.

MTA: Man, that's harsh. And why did you call me "you all?" There's only one of me.

S9H: Because everyone feels me personally, but what I represent is far more universal than the taste in movies you get from Neptune, or how well you do at trivia quizzes because of your Mercury. I am The Material World. I am the things you are here to adapt to, to learn from, and to overcome.

MTA: But in the Ninth House, representing religion and spirituality --

S9H: Yes. And you are the most skeptical astrologer I've ever met. And for good reason... 90% of the astrology out there is crap.

MTA: I'm not sure the people reading my blog will be happy to hear that.

S9H: Maybe they will be when they realize that 90% of everything is crap. Everything. Medicine. Science. Religion. Food. Television. Relationships. That doesn't mean it doesn't work, though. And that doesn't mean you aren't a spiritual person. It makes you --

MTA: Practical? Grounded?

S9H: I was going to say "More like Dr. House than the average astrologer."

MTA: Thanks, I think. That's kind of a depressing view of life, isn't it?

S9H: Only at first. If you ever want to get to The Truth, you have to peel away the crap. Sometimes that hurts. It's all necessary though, if you ever want to be anything other than useless to yourself or anyone else. That's the way The Universe is, and always will be until -- (looks at hourglass, taps the last few grains out, and puts the hourglass back into his robes) -- your time runs out. (S9H rises and walks towards the door)

MTA: Wait! I didn't get a chance to ask any of the questions I wanted to!

S9H: (Without looking back) That's how I work. I don't answer questions... I present the circumstances that make you question. (The door slowly creaks shut behind S9H as he leaves)

(Part of the "Personal Planets" series. Click HERE to collect 'em all!)

.

.

Trouble At Work: Dr. Phil Feels The Saturn Pinch

There's a bad vibe going around the set of The Dr. Phil Show these days. In the last three months, two members of the show's staff have died and two others have had medical emergencies... including the sudden and unexpected death of a young intern from a strep infection. All of this is happening during a "re-tooling" process to boost ratings, which have undergone a slow but steady decline from their peak a few years ago.

Not surprisingly, Phil McGraw's transits (September 1, 1950, 7:15 PM, Vinita, Oklahoma) reflect this. His Midheaven (public image and perception) is at 24 degrees Sagittarius, and is only now pulling out of a merciless four year off-and-on conjunction with Pluto. Transiting Uranus is currently conjuncting his Ascendant at 21 Pisces, and will be squaring the Midheaven off and on throughout the upcoming season. As for the most recent spate of unexpected deaths in the studio itself: these have all taken place while transiting Saturn has been conjuncting his natal Sun at 9 degrees Virgo. The Sun is the ruler of his Sixth House (work and daily details) and is also in the Sixth.

Furthermore, as the beginning of the new TV season approaches, Neptune is conjuncting the secondary progressed Midheaven. All of these bad transits appear to be piling up to make it a very difficult Fall season for Dr. Phil.

Two bits of good news for Dr. Phil: One, Pluto... which has caused so much trouble for him in past... is rolling into a sextile with natal Jupiter, the Midheaven ruler, and will over the course of the next few years trine his natal Sun and Moon. So, although things certainly won't be easy for him in the next few months, the long-term prognosis is good.

Secondly: you know if things go terribly wrong for him, he'll get a best-selling self-help book out of the trouble he's survived. He does, after all, have Moon in Taurus in the Second House... and if there's any placement that can find a way to turn a buck off of a crisis, that's it.

One more thing: Phil has Saturn smack on his Seventh House (marriage and partnerships) cusp. And who is that stern little gimlet-eyed woman staring at him from the audience all the time? Yup. That's Mrs. McGraw.