Thursday, July 30, 2009

Saturn: The Onion Sombrero

I wrote a blog elsewhere once, wherein I used to complain about politics and pop culture and anything else that dared to wander into my snarky gaze.

One of the targets of my self-righteous fury was a particular commercial for Coke Zero. To wit:

"You may have recently been exposed to a commercial for Coke Zero involving a disembodied tongue, eyeball, and brain, debating the merits of Coke Zero while a second tongue stands in the distance and watches...

No, this is not something that happened to me on LSD. It's a real commercial.

The thing ends with the brain breaking up the tongue/eyeball debate. He threatens to make the tongue eat dirt, and ends with this very peculiar threat to the eyeball:

"You are going to have to wear the onion sombrero. All. Day. Long. Señor."

I've seen the ad several times and I can confirm that yes, the brain does say "onion sombrero." At first I wondered if this was some slang term I simply hadn't heard before, like "Dirty Sanchez."

I think I have uncovered the secret of The Onion Sombrero. I think Coke is trying to launch a meme. It's a catchy phrase, and a Google search reveals that the phrase didn't exist prior to the commercial. And hey, if Google can't find something, it doesn't exist, right?"

I was (and still am) of the belief that "onion sombrero" was a deliberate attempt to manufacture a "meme," that is: a rogue bit of cultural data that takes off on its own and infects the minds of thousands, if not millions.

I have almost forgotten about this, until recently when the ad in question came back. And then I heard a teenager on the street use the term "onion sombrero" with one of his buddies.

I've heard various opinions as to what this vegetable headgear is... the most likely explanation I've heard is that it is "a contact lens."

Personally: I've come to the conclusion that, astrologically at least... Saturn is the Onion Sombrero. Saturn is, literally or figuratively, something you threaten someone with. Saturn is restriction and suffering.

Of course, Saturn is also structure and order and bones and skin, without which you (literally and figuratively) wouldn't have a leg to stand on. And, just as the phrase "onion sombrero" may have you scratching your head and saying "Wha...?," Saturn may have you rubbing the lumps it put on your head and saying "Why me?"

So, if you see this Coke Zero ad: try not to be puzzled. The weird imagery and odd choice of words are all deliberate attempts to bamboozle your mind into buying a carbonated drink that you don't really need.

On the other hand, if you are confronted by Saturn, remember that you do really need it, even if it isn't very comfortable. And it will pass. And odds are good you'll come out of the other side of a Saturn Transit a better person, one way or another.

One's bad for your teeth. The other is good for your soul.

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NR said...

Good one!

Lucy said...

I remember the commercial, but I do not remember the "onion sombrero" part. (I believe you that it happened, I just don't remember it.) I would think "onion sombrero," if it is in fact a contact lens, would be more apropos for Neptune. I mean, really- it's a film over your eyes, that makes everything look better than it really is. And the onion part, well, that involves tears.

But are you SURE it was a contact lens, though? Maybe the brain just meant he was just going to have to cry all day.

The Irish Nomad said...

I agree with Lucy, if you're an eye (stay with me here), the "onion sombrero" would be what happens when your "body" cuts an onion.

Come on! Isn't it obvious?!?