Monday, July 6, 2009

Lunar Eclipse In Capricorn Effects, Described As A Dungeons & Dragons Random Treasure Table

(Roll Percentile Dice)

01–17 Bag of Bitching. Bag is a Capricorn which is suddenly questioning its place in life. Roll vs. Endurance or lose sanity for 2d10 rounds.
01–12 +3 Sword Of Sharpness. If player character is a Cancer, player must roll vs. Intelligence, or will use it on his/her spouse/partner while attempting to clarify what direction the relationship is going in.
13–24 Acid (2d4 flasks, each of which explode upon examination). Specifically Gemini acid, upset over recent financial dealings and/or relationships and/or STD test results.
25–36 Hole Of Infinite Sucking. Will probably be found inside a Sagittarius bank account.
37–48 Holy water. Originally created by a Virgo to fight vampires, this particular holy water was recently used to scrub out the memory of a doomed relationship. Now mostly dirty and useless.
49–62 A vial of antitoxin. It is empty, recently swallowed by an Aries attempting to leave his/her poisonous work environment. The Aries lies nearby, choking.
63–74 Everburning torch. Comparable to the ulcer Leos are experiencing trying to get their daily lives together recently.
75–88 Wand of Wisdom, pointed at the head of an Aquarius while they try to figure out why nothing is working out recently. The wand does not appear to be working out either.
89–95 A telephone (melted). Formerly owned by an astrologer overwhelmed by clients with sudden personal issues and collection agents.
96-00 =5 Magic Armor (roll d%: 01–10=Small, 11–100=Medium). Pretty much mandatory for everyone the next couple of weeks. Will protect you against anything (does not actually exist).


NR said...

Great piece of writing! Verbal art :)

Peter Jene said...

Really fantastic your post. I look forward to future posts.

In common usage, horoscope often refers to an astrologer's interpretation, usually through a system of Sun sign astrology or based on calendar significance of an event, as in Chinese astrology.

Thanks for sharing,

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