The Daily Sky: Mercury Square Pluto

And now, a handy English-Lithuanian Translation Guide For Native English Speakers On Vacation::

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"Excuse me, but can you tell me which way to the train station?"

HEY! HEY YOU! WHERE THE HELL IS THE DAMNED TRAIN STATION?


"Can you please direct me to an affordable restaurant?"

DAMMIT I HAVEN'T EATEN ALL DAY LONG! WHERE DO YOU PEOPLE KEEP THE FOOD HERE? AND DON'T SCREW ME ON THE PRICE!


"Does anyone here speak English?"

HEY! I'M TALKIN' TO YOU! ARE YOU LISTENING? AT ALL? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?


"Please help me. I require assistance."

WE COULD NUKE THIS PLACE OFF THE MAP IN AN INSTANT, PAL!

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Today's lesson: if your message isn't getting through, maybe turning the volume up isn't really going to help.

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Conquer The Universe With Astrology: Three-Way Karmic Action!

On the next "Conquer The Universe With Astrology":


FIRST: Karmic Astrologer Marguerite Manning joins me to discuss "FATHER HUNGER AND MOMMY DEAREST: ARE YOU INVOLVED IN AN UNCONSCIOUS 3-WAY?" (I swear she came up with that title). We'll be talking about all the unconscious ways your Venus and/or Saturn placement can really screw with your love life.



THEN: Canadian recording artist Veronica Start will join us for a very specific look at how that Uranus-Pluto square has panned out in her life so far. 


AND IN BETWEEN: Your questions answered when you call in or join the Chat Room, what to expect from Mars in Leo, and the occasional sound effect.

Thursday at 10 PM Eastern, 7 PM Pacific

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN OR SET A REMINDER!

(And for those of you who like to play along at home, Here's Veronica's chart, with transiting planets on the outside):

Conquer Your Week With Astrology - June 20-25, 2011

Give me five minutes, I'll give you the week ahead! This week: getting the most out of the Jupiter-Pluto trine.

Please excuse the heavy construction noises...

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN!

Check out my show! If you like what you hear... there's more to come in the future! Please feel free to drop by and visit my Donations Page. It's what keeps me going and, and you might just get a surprise...

And yes, I still send free stuff to everyone who writes me!
If you're new to this blog, here's a sample of my previous shows and blog entries. Enjoy!

Doctor Pluto's House Of Horrors

Tonight on "Conquer The Universe With Astrology": your questions answered, the follow-up to last night's rude show about duck sex, and a look at Pluto.

Do not stare directly into the Pluto.

9 PM Eastern(6 PM Pacific)

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN OR SET A REMINDER

Check out my show! If you like what you hear... there's more to come in the future! Please feel free to drop by and visit my Donations Page. It's what keeps me going and, and you might just get a surprise...

And yes, I still send free stuff to everyone who writes me!


If you're new to this blog, here's a sample of my previous shows and blog entries. Enjoy!

Ding Dong, Duck Dong: The Uranus-Pluto Square Wakeup Call

Why do ducks have such enormous penises?

What does pot smoking in Canada have to do with your mid-life crisis?

What does Catherine Zeta-Jones' recent admission to psychiatric care have to do with you if you were born in 1969-1970?

What does this all have to do with the Uranus-Pluto square?

Listen tonight to find out at 11 PM Eastern (8 PM Pacific)...

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN OR SET A REMINDER!

(Special Grown-Up Language Warning for tonight's show. There's some transits you can't describe properly without swearing a lot.)

Check out my show! If you like what you hear... there's more to come in the future! Please feel free to drop by and visit my Donations Page. It's what keeps me going and, and you might just get a surprise...

And yes, I still send free stuff to everyone who writes me!


If you're new to this blog, here's a sample of my previous shows and blog entries. Enjoy!

Pluto In Capricorn, Love In The Stars, And A Chainsaw In The Trunk

Oh, poor Capricorn... Pluto passing through your sign, half the other planets squaring you... it's never entirely easy being a Capricorn. Some days it probably feels like you're going to open up the paper to your Daily Horoscope and it will say something like this like this:


Capricorn: Today an attractive stranger will see you in a coffee shop. He will invite you out to dinner, and then for a romantic evening at his secluded cabin in the woods. You will forget to tell anyone where you are going.

You will never be seen again.

(The first episode of "Conquer The Universe With Astrology: The Radio Show" begins August 19th! Subcribe to this blog for further details... or find me on Twitter (@MatthewCurrie) or on Facebook! Hope to see you all there!)

Saturn in Libra, Square Pluto In Capricorn

It's not suffering, per se... it's about seeing through the material things and perceiving The Truth. And sometimes... that can get a little messy. Ultimately, though, it's for the best.

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New Moon In Cancer Opposite Pluto In Capricorn

For those of you keeping score, the last time Pluto was in Capricorn was when the American and French Revolutions happened.

Rumor has it that the ghost of Thomas Paine is learning how to sing "Street Fighting Man" in Farsi.

Pray for the people of Iran, friends. Not for Iran itself because by definition, if you choose a nation over a person... you aren't a friend.

Freecreditreport.com: A Love Song For Pluto In Capricorn

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Well I married my dream girl,

I married my dream girl

(Ah, the reality kicks in. We all start relationships on an emotional high, but it only serves to cover the flaws. In this case, your Dream Girl isn't going to be of financial benefit to you. Maybe you shouldn't be a husband at all... pimping is probably more your style.)

But she didn't tell me her credit was bad

(Don't you hate the terrible lies that always seem to screw up a relationship? This is why you shouldn't even go on a first date without a background check. Better get a blood panel and DNA test done too before dinner and a movie.)

So now instead of living in a pleasant suburb

We're living in the basement at her

Mom and Dad's

(Now, by "we," do you mean you and her... or you, her, and your apparently unemployed buddies who sit around the in-law's basement singing songs about how your bride has screwed your material ambitions? I'll bet her Mom and Dad are huge fans of the band, shouting requests at you from upstairs. "Now do the one about how she can't cook!")

No we can't get a loan for a respectable home

Just because my girl defaulted

on some old credit card

(That bitch! I'll bet she didn't get breast implants and had that threesome in college just to spite you, too.)

If we'd gone to free credit report dot com

I'd be a happy bachelor with a dog and a yard.

(Dude: there's no reason why you can't be a bachelor right now. As a matter of fact, I'll bet you will be soon enough. Then you and your band can go live in the park, where there are lots of dogs!)

What Pluto In Capricorn Means To Me

I love dogs. They've always been good to me: friendly, loyal, and playful things that they are. You need to know how to handle them, of course. Dogs are by nature pack animals, genetically programmed to respond to and search for a sense of hierarchy in whatever social environment they find themselves in, even if that environment includes no other dogs.

I love free-market capitalism. It's been good to me, overall... certainly at least, it's been better to me than communism has been to, say, the average Chinese peasant.

As we have all seen in the last few months, there is a certain similarity between free-market capitalism and dogs: both have to be given a sense of their place, and firm guidelines... otherwise both will crap on your rug at will.

We all bought the hype. We all thought Rover was so cute when he was being bratty. And now, in both cases, we are scrubbing the floors and bemoaning the expense of buying new carpet.

If you haven't seen it, please have a look at the clip at the end of this article. Although "The Daily Show With Jon Stewart" was taking a dig specifically at CNBC, the criticisms directed at financial news reporting can really be directed at The Big Money Mentality in general.

There are those out there who want to wave the Red Flag Of Socialism in your face and try to scare you into thinking that the changes in our system are the harbinger of doom for capitalism. Just as so many of us were lulled into accepting the status quo all these years (despite real income slowly dropping year after year, despite "wealth creation" going overwhelmingly to the already-very-rich) by The Money Cheerleaders, there are now those who want you to be afraid of the change that is happening now. They want you to think that increasing controls on markets and taxing the incredibly wealthy their fair share is wrong.

Similarly, there are a few (thankfully, only a very few) astrologers out there who have learned they can make a buck filling you with The Fear Of Pluto.

As should have been said to you before the crash... Don't Believe The Hype. Change makes room for the new and improved. The current economic crisis may have finally shown up modern economic theory for the somewhat-of-a-farce that it is... but its fall will leave room for something more accurate and more meaningful. Like, maybe... astrology.

Even on a bad day, I'm a lot more accurate than those clowns on TV and in the papers and magazines and sitting behind a desk at your bank who were yelling at you to invest in AIG last year.

Pluto frequently makes itself felt as a destructive force. Pluto is now in Capricorn, the pinstriped-suit sign that always makes me think the most of banks and investors and such. The one thing to keep in mind is that The Flaming Sword Of Pluto is ultimately, more often than not, a good thing. It is the fire that burns off the old weeds to make room for the new crop.

So, fear not. Change is required, and more change is coming yet, Pluto-style. Remember: it was a disaster that wiped out the dinosaurs... and it was the ability of your ancestors to adapt to that change that enabled you to be here now, all big-brained and upright with opposable thumbs... leafing through your bills and wondering how to make ends meet.

No fear. Breathe. You made it this far. You'll make it through the rest.

The great Astrological Recession Buster experiment continues, with rave reviews! Click here to read more, and to join in!

Britney Spears: Through Pluto And Out The Other Side

All is well in the heavens for once.... at least as far as Britney Spears is concerned. Her new single, "Womanizer," is at the top of the charts... the first time she's hit Billboard's Number One slot since One More Time, way back in the 20th Century.

In a birth chart, career and one's place in the public is rulerd by the Midheaven (MC). Britney's MC is at 3 degrees Cancer, ruler by her natal Moon at 12 degrees Aquarius. For the first time in a long time, the planets are playing along with these placements.

Pluto has been doing a number on Brit for a while now... conjuncting her natal Neptune, it has made for all kinds of trouble with drugs, alcohol, and delusion. Fortunately that appears to be over, as Pluto finally makes its way into Capricorn. It's also now approaching the opposition to Britney's Midheaven. This could be scary news for some upon first hearing it... but the transit looks to be quite constructive, to me anyway. I wouldn't be surprised if the next two years we see Brit go through a major career change for the better... maybe shifting into a different style of music, or getting more recognition for her acting abilities.

And with secondary progressed Moon and Venus both rolling into conjunction range of her natal Moon, Britney can expect the news to be more good than bad for her career for months to come.

See, Brit? I told you things would get better eventually. Now... what can we do about that sister of yours...?

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It's a reading, it's a forecast, it's a book... all for less than the cost of a reading! It's Conquer The Universe With Astrology! And the amazing Recession Buster Forecast Deal is still going strong! Write me with your date, time, and city of birth here for more details. And please specify if you are interested in the book, the Recession Buster forecast, or both. They're both good, and both come with surprise bonuses!

Uranus And Pluto Conjunct, In Virgo, In The Third House: An Interview

" 'No reason to get excited,' the thief he kindly spoke. 'There are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke. But you and I, we've been through that, and this is not our fate. So let us not talk falsely now -- the hour is getting late.' "

-All Along The Watchtower

(SCENE: The Interview Room. MATTHEW THE ASTROLOGER sits behind the desk. The overhead fluorescent lights blink and then go out, replaced by the dim and reddish emergency lights. The door to the room opens and URANUS IN VIRGO IN THE THIRD HOUSE enters. He makes tiny clanks and hydraulic hisses as he walks, being half human and half cybernetic being. His left eye has been replaced with some sort of laser imaging device, and his right forearm appears to have been replaced by a complex mechanical probe. He comes to a halt and stands to MTA's left.

Next, an enormous black Rottweiler the size of a small pony enters. It is PLUTO IN VIRGO IN THE THIRD HOUSE. He trots into the room and jumps into the seat in front of MTA's desk.)

P3H: Hello. I'm so glad you could make it.

MTA: What do you mean? I'm the one who invited you.

P3H: I mean "glad you're still alive," made it.

MTA: You didn't come on schedule.

U3H: Unpredictability, advantage gained. Interview is now in our control.

MTA: Oh. Um, nice touch.

P3H: The last thing we wanted from you was a rigged, pre-arranged interview where you made us look silly. (Lifts his leg and begins licking himself)

MTA: Right. So I guess you two have an effect on my style of communication, being in the Third House --

U3H: Insufficient! Parameter too small! Recalibrate!

P3H: What my friend is trying to say is that saying that the Third House is "communication" is far too limiting. The third house is how your mind works. How, in your case, you remember tiny trivial details for decades, even when your Mercury drops the ball and loses your keys. And how you can assemble those details to form a bigger picture than what was at first expected. 

U3H: Additional data: high affinity for metaphoric imagery.

MTA: You mean how I like to find oddball metaphors for things, like making my Uranus in Virgo a Borg... a weird species of alien who will go to unusual lengths to achieve what they see as perfection?

U3H: Affirmative.

MTA: (To P3H) And you are...?

P3H: The neighbor's dog that scared the hell out of you when you were six.

MTA: Ah. You know, you guys aspect most of the stuff in my chart. Pretty much everything except Mercury, Venus, and Jupiter. That makes you pretty significant.

P3H: Venus and Jupiter? A pushover and a clown. Not of any real significance. And your Mercury is scattered to near-uselessness.

U3H: They are irrelevant. We do not need them.

MTA: What are you talking about?

P3H: We're here to correct you. In past, you have said that strong placements in other signs can overwhelm a relatively weak or isolated Sun Sign. Like the Gemini you know with the stellium in Taurus. Or, in your case, the Moon in Cancer on the Ascendant. particularly in times of stress. Like you've experienced recently.

MTA: And you don't agree with that?

(U3H extends his metal probe-arm out to MTA. A pair of mechanical fangs shoot out, stabbing MTA's left shoulder, and withdraw.)

MTA: Ow! What was that for?

P3H: We agree with your theory, in principle.

MTA: (Absently scratching the back of his left hand) Then what are you trying to prove?

P3H: That the idea is right, but you got the placement wrong. In your case, it isn't sweet little Moon In Cancer. It's us. And we are taking over.

U3H: We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own.

(MTA scratches harder at the back of his left hand, then holds it up to examine the source of the itch. A rash has broken out, but no ordinary rash: it is composed of electronic components and wiring wrapped in thick black dog hairs. And it is slowly spreading up MTA's arm.)

MTA: This... this is... you can't...

(U3H begins to produce a quavering feedback sound, and P3H barks, and then begins to howl. Both the feedback and the howling soon mutate into maniacal laughter. The red emergency lights dim, then flicker out completely. The insane laughter continues.)

MTA: Oh. Shit.

(Part of the "Personal Planets" series. Click HERE to collect 'em all!)

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Valoween: A Very Pluto Valentine's Day

First, please read this bit of foolery from that other blog I do sometimes.

Now: there is absolutely nothing cuddly at all about today's Valentine's Day chart. If anything I think a lot of you out there, on one level or another, are likely to have a weird sense around today's traditional card and small gift/lack of card and/or lack of small gift (check whichever applies).

Maybe it's just Pluto, freshly into Capricorn. I've deliberately avoided reading anyone else's commentary on it, so forgive me if I've missed the consensus (if any) on the years we face ahead. I could say at this point "I think it has something to do with personal relationships" and that would be waaay too lame and vague. But I do think that is part of it, and I can't help but notice that on Valetine's Day today, Pluto stands on the threshold of new territory, with only a weak trine from Saturn to encourage it along.

Saturn, retrograde, in Virgo... grinding closer to the exact trine with Pluto. Picture an old man behind the wheel of a large car, backing into a tight parking space in a busy mall parking lot on Saturday. Kid's Day. And some of the kids are wearing explosives because it's also "International Revolutionary Appreciation Day" with the Sun and Neptune and the North Node all piled up in Aquarius.

You know something's gonna happen.

Besides... the bad days are just potholes on the road to where you're supposed to be... and that's probably a happier, saner place than you may have imagined. Maybe even today.

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My Binge With Britney: One More Round Of Crazy As Pluto Leaves Sagittarius

(SCENE: The Rogue Celebrity Containment Facility in Los Alamos. BRITNEY SPEARS sits on the edge of her bed. On the couch next to it is MATTHEW THE ASTROLOGER, with a tape recorder running next to him)

M: I'm here to formally apologize to you, Ms. Spears.

B: Yeah. You know, I was kinda hurt by everything that has happened to me the last few months, but you failing to provide a proper warning about how the custody thing was gonna turn out with my kids.

M: Well, technically, it was you going off the rails afterwards that really blew the deal.

B: But you're an astrologer! You're supposed to see these things coming!

M: I can foresee the patterns... and I did. But I can't think for you. And I'm not perfect. Besides... for better or worse, you were just being yourself. And being yourself, loud and proud, is one of the things a Sag does best. It's why we were born when we were. I know this from personal experience. The others need us to... to...

B: Inspire them with our boundless leaps of faith?

M: I was thinking more along the lines of "serve as a warning." But I like your phrasing better. There's also a certain problem with objectivity. It can happen in any form of counselling. I like you. I think you're a really good person. I genuinely want the best for you. So maybe it blunted my assessment of the situation. Still, going over the stuff I said on my blog, I can still stand by my predictions. I just wish things were better for you. It's been crazy times for me too... believe me.

B: So when is this crap going to end for me? For us?

M: Never, because that's just the kind of people you and I are. But I like to think it'll settle down when Pluto leaves Sagittarius in a few days. My best friend, for example, has Sun and Moon in Sag, and she's up and marrying a guy in Australia she only met less than a month ago.

B: Wow. You mean... sometimes there's a lesson to be had in all this craziness?

M: Yup. Or so I like to think. Speaking of crazy, you know what I've been up to the last four or five months?

B: No, what?

(MATTHEW reaches over to stop the tape recorder)

(Twelve minutes later, recording re-starts)

M: ...So that's why I brought this bottle of Jack Daniels. I figure if I wasn't that much use to you or myself as an astrologer, we can at least commiserate.

B: I have Percocets to go with that!

M: Party on, Brit... party on. (pours the booze into two Styrofoam cups) My buddy's throwing a big party to mark her leaving the continent for good. You gonna come?

B: Will there be designated drivers?

M: A couple of Geminis have volunteered.

B: (Pauses to consider) I'm feeling lucky. Count me in! (pops open pill bottle) Cheers!

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