One day the most beautiful woman any of the regulars at Sully's Bar had ever seen walked in off the street and sat down for a drink. She smiled demurely at each of them as she caught the regulars one by one, staring at her. She was radiant. The multicolored lighting from the broken jukebox lit the highlights in her hair. It was if a UFO had landed and deposited an ancient fertility Goddess at Sully's Bar for a Heineken, and to deliver the promise of Eternal Love.
The men all sat there, mesmerized. The each reveled in their own private fantasies... not merely sexual, but more. Somehow this incredible dame carried with her the promise of more. A happy life. A family. Love and acceptance and warmth and home-cooked meals and holding hands and laughing together over small things and epic bouts of love-making.
In fact, they all sat there dreaming of their new lives with their new love until May 9th, when she smiled and left. Afterwards, much sadness and regret ensued.
***
Venus in Taurus is powerful... but you have to DO something with it!
(Venus in Pisces is considered to be an "exalted" placement: full of open-hearted non-judgmental love and willingness to express it. Mars in Virgo is looking to win by analyzing the details. The two positions are opposite each other, and Venus opposition Mars is in full effect now.)
***
(SCENE: Late night at Acme Laboratories. In a darkened corner two laboratory mice in a cage are huddled over a tiny little computer, checking out a dating site.)
PINKY: Oy, what about this one, Brain? She seems really nice, and oh look... she likes long walks! That could come in handy. Narf!
BRAIN: Don't be ridiculous, Pinky. Pay attention to the rest of her ad. "Must be goal-oriented and self sufficient."
PINKY: Well, that's you, isn't it?
BRAIN: That's a code-phrase for "she's a gold-digger" Pinky. You know I can't touch my savings. I need it for a new Death Ray!
PINKY: Oh, okay. Hey, look at this ad! She says she's easygoing and appreciates being able to relax with a loved one over a glass of fine wine!
BRAIN: She has low standards and a drinking problem. Next!
PINKY: Well, SurferGirl67 likes classical music like you do...
BRAIN: I hate what she's done with her hair.
PINKY: This one has a fondness for animals...
BRAIN: I am an animal! She'd never be faithful!
PINKY: SunshineLover81 enjoys spending time on the beach and --
BRAIN: --and is an unmotivated skin-cancer candidate.
PINKY: AudreyJ has loved and lost but is ready to try again...
BRAIN: Too many issues with her ex.
PINKY: JJLaRue says she's wild, spontaneous, and affectionate...
BRAIN: Tramp.
PINKY: IowaHomegirl wants a committed relationship that lines up with her values...
BRAIN: Prude.
PINKY: Narf! You aren't making this easy, Brain! You're analyzing everything to death!
BRAIN: (Turns off computer and walks to the edge of the cage, stares off into the distance) Enough of this foolishness! You know what we're going to do tonight, Pinky?
PINKY: Go out and try to find someone in person, so we can see them for who they really are instead of dismissing them offhandedly based on a few lines of type and a couple of pictures?
BRAIN: No Pinky. We're going to try to take over the world with my army of remote controlled pigeons I've trained to poop on anyone whop dares challenge our dominance. It's a much more practical and achievable goal.
PINKY: (sighs) I'm lonely.
BRAIN: Shut up Pinky.
(This Thursday on "Conquer The Universe With Astrology": it's Astrology: The Pants-Optional Venus And Mars Show." Click HERE to set a reminder... and bring a date if you like.)
Whenever Venus enters Pisces... the sign of it's "exaltation"... it's time for the astrology bloggers to bust out the synonyms for "depth" and "compassion" and "confusion" and...
Why not just watch an 8 minute video that says and shows everything you need to know about Venus in Pisces, without actually spelling it out... which is kinda Piscean, if you think about it...
"To what end be Death, if not for Love?" Wow, look at all the colors! Hey, why is everyone dancing? Why am I dancing? "And what be life, if not for Love?" Holy cow, you're beautiful! "Say a hundred things, should you wish, the meaning still remains the same." I think I'm in love with you. "Who has ever known what Love is, and yet EVERYONE knows what Love is." Hey... is that a Product Placement? I know I shouldn't, but I'm so thirsty and this is delicious! "A garden of roses, love; strewn with thorns too, is love." I think I'm in love with you too. Hey, where did you go...?
Just put the astrology texts down for eight minutes and watch this instead. It will tell you everything Venus in Pisces wants you to know, and in far better style than I could ever muster. Hope you don't mind subtitles.
On the next "Conquer The Universe With Astrology":
FIRST: Karmic Astrologer Marguerite Manning joins me to discuss "FATHER HUNGER AND MOMMY DEAREST: ARE YOU INVOLVED IN AN UNCONSCIOUS 3-WAY?" (I swear she came up with that title). We'll be talking about all the unconscious ways your Venus and/or Saturn placement can really screw with your love life.
On a special surprise edition of "Conquer The Universe With Astrology"... today at 6 PM Eastern, 3 PM Pacific... the Moon will be conjunct Venus in Sagittarius. So, I've decided to dedicate a show to that sweet ol' girl Venus herself, how to understand your own Venus, and how to use that to get exactly what you want out of life. Sure that mostly means "love"... but it can mean money too.
Also: The hidden Venus-Saturn connection most people aren't aware of, and how it can be of use to you.
I'll be answering your questions live too! Drop by the Chat Room, or call me at 1 (323) 443-7252.
Venus always gets what she wants, one way or another, eventually. Find out how you can do the same!
Anyone who has had a relationship can tell you that no relationship is perfect. We're human, and the complexities of our birth charts reflect that. How many times have you heard a friend (or yourself) say something like this at the beginning of a relationship...
"Oh, it's sooooo adorable when you fall asleep and start snoring!"
And then, by the end of the relationship, you hear/say...
"If I lose one more night of sleep to your snoring, I'm going to kill you!"
Any relationship that lasts longer than five minutes has to both value the positives each person brings to it, and work with (or ignore) the negatives. Any theoretical long-term relationship that doesn't have to follow that basic principle must, sadly, await further advances in robotics. And when an astrologer, or an astrology dating site, makes a pronouncement as to whether a relationship is a "good" idea or a "bad" one has to take this into consideration.
Case in point: in most references, you'll see that if Person A's Venus is squared by Person B's Saturn, the relationship is likely to either be a non-starter, or simply a bad idea. The truth is, though, that if there are enough "good" aspects between the two people, there is a good chance the relationship will be "good." And, if the two people are mindful of the relationship, there's always opportunities to work around that particular "bad" aspect.
SCENE: The Pisces Bar. VENUS stumbles in through the fire exit door. Although she's just arrived, it's obvious she is already drunk. She wobbles in and stumbles into an empty chair at the table where MARS and URANUS are already sitting, sharing a pitcher of beer.
VENUS: Hey guys... I'm back!
MARS: Hey sexy, what's up? You blew out of here a while ago and said you wouldn't be back.
URANUS: Yeah... you said something about Aries and "gettin' your freak on." As I recall, I approved of the concept.
VENUS: (Picking up the pitcher of beer and drinking from it directly) I am THE QUEEN OF LOVE! And I am EXALTED here!
URANUS: Okay, sister, take it easy. What's up with you?
VENUS: I've been retrograde too long boys, and it all comes to an end here! In the place I'm EXALTED baby!
MARS: You mentioned that.
VENUS: And when I station and go direct... I shine my brightest! (VENUS stands up and lifts her shirt to the crowd) WOO HOO! (A set of Mardi Gras beads flies out of the crowd and hits VENUS in the face. She puts her shirt back down and sits, one boob still exposed) Everybody loves me! I rule this place!
URANUS: Actually, Neptune rules this place. He isn't here yet.
MARS: (checking his watch) And he's taking his time about it, too.
VENUS: You guys are great... and I have some good news for you! I know I've been kind of retrograde lately, and yeah I know, that hasn't been good news for a lot of people...
MARS: Old flames coming back and screwing things up again, people doing stupid things with their money...
URANUS: (Looking pointedly at VENUS) Overindulging...
VENUS: Well, today I'm back on track, baby! All of that's over with! Like Eric Clapton said... "no more bad love!"
(MARS and URANUS both stare disbelievingingly at VENUS)
MARS and URANUS: You have been drinking, haven't you?
(Scene: Matthew The Astrologer's bedroom. It is 4:23 AM. The phone rings repeatedly, and MTA's arm lashes out in the dark trying to find it. After a half dozen rings, he grasps the receiver and drags it back under the covers.)
MTA: ...hello?
VENUS: It's ME baby!
MTA: Wha.... who?
VEN: Venus! Your old girl, Venus!
MTA: Oh, uh... hi. Have you been drinking?
VEN: Not too much. I've been wanting to talk to you for ages now.
MTA: And you being drunk has nothing to do with it, I'm sure. How's the retrograde working out for you?
VEN: I have a bone to pick with you about that. Everyone wants to say I'm deblil--... debullet--... deboobliated...
MTA: Debilitated?
VEN: Debilitated in Aries, and retrograde, and everyone's picking on me for it. You're the only man who realizes that, Vedically, I'm actually in Pisces. And I'm exalted!
MTA: Yes, dear. You're not nearly as bad as everyone thinks.
VEN: Damned right! And I'm sick and tired of -- (there is a surprised yelp on the other end of the line, and a sound of clattering wine glasses hitting the floor)
MTA: Are you okay, Venus?
VEN: I retrograded over the cat and fell. Where was I?
MTA: You were saying something about how Venus Retrograde is the kind of time when people have a chance to review old relationships and re-evaluate the things that make them happy, and that (although it can be awkward) it's ultimately important... because it can be a chance to vanquish old emotional ghosts, or maybe re-evaluate what you once had but is gone?
VEN: Get on that! I rule love AND money, you know. Well, sort of. That bastard Jupiter hogs a lot of the limelight. Speaking of money... where's my purse? The Booze Delivery Wagon is here...
MTA: You've got one of those there in the Zodiac?
VEN: I'm a Goddess, baby... I get everything.
MTA: So it seems this whole retrograde in Aries thing is working for you. At least you seem to be having fun with it...
VEN: Ugh, gotta go... I'm going to be sick... (VENUS hangs up.)
Venus comes to a "station" tomorrow and turns backwards... retrograde. If you've been exposed to much astrology in your time, you're probably familiar with the effect of Mercury Retrogrades. I never used to put too much stock in them... and still don't cringe in superstitious terror of them as some do (even though The Universe has occasionally backhanded me for that attitude)
Astrology should be more than just a matter of "good times are coming next week" or "it's about to hit the fan." Most people don't pay attention to a weather forecast just to bitch about the rain... they do it so they know whether or not to take an umbrella. So, with this in mind, I'd like to present my prescription for the upcoming Venus station and retrograde.
Just as thought and communication can get screwy during a Mercury retrograde, matters of love and money can go similarly awry during a Venus retrograde. But knowing that the conditions are coming, you can take the appropriate actions.
Of course, the effects of this Venus retrograde will depend on the placements in your birth chart. But just as a general precaution, now is a good time to reflect on the state of your heart (and your wallet). As Venus is currently in Aries, the temptation is to leap at love... and being retrograde, the temptation isn't tempered by what most people would consider to be complete rationality.
I know I'm going to be taking the time in the next couple of days to take a good long look at things, and make some cuts. And maybe... just maybe... a couple of leaps. After all, Venus is in Aries... and what's the point to anything being in Aries without being a little bold about it?
"The world is so full of people, so crowded with these miracles that they become commonplace and we forget... We gaze continually at the world and it grows dull in our perceptions. Yet seen from another's vantage point, as if new, it may still take our breath away."
-Alan Moore
(SCENE: MATTHEW THE ASTROLOGER'S bedroom. MTA is asleep, hidden under a quilt. A grey cat sleeps curled in a ball on top of the quilt, next to him. Hovering in mid-air over the bed is VENUS IN AQUARIUS IN THE SEVENTH, sitting in a lotus position, wearing a handmade Peruvian hemp poncho and faded, tattered jeans. The cat awakes, sees V7H, and runs away panicked. )
V7H: Hey brother!
MTA: (Waking up suddenly) What the hell are you doing here? It's Sunday morning!
V7H: I heard about the bad trip you had with Neptune and thought I'd check in on you.
MTA: Well, um.... thanks. Your timing is a little peculiar though, isn't it?
V7H: I don't follow the usual rules.
MTA: I guess, being Venus, the bedroom is a natural too.
V7H: Don't get any ideas. Besides, that whole part of my role is waaaay overstated.
MTA: Love and affection aren't a part of what Venus does?
V7H: Of course. But there's all kinds of love.
MTA: I guess I could make some kind of hippie love commune joke here. I shouldn't, though.
V7H: If it feels good, do it. Everyone should be free to follow their bliss as they see fit, barring harm to another of course. Love comes in many forms, and moves us in different ways, and all of it adds to the Greater Good. No... it multiplies. Love, in its truest form, is so much more than just physically and mentally bonding with someone for the endorphin rush that produces. That's great... don't get me wrong... but ultimately, that's just mistaking the evidence of Love for Love Itself. I think that's where a lot of people get tripped up by their Venus.
MTA: So how does the experience of "love" feel for you?
V7H: I prefer not to feel it so much as to do it. Love is many things. It's a noun and a verb. It's the kind word at a difficult time. It's the change landing in a panhandler's cap. It's putting things back so others can use them. It's standing up to tyranny. And yes, it is also the embrace of a loved one. In the context of romantic love... the same things apply. Except in that case, you are simply applying the general principle to the specific person.
MTA: You're kind of in an interesting place. I don't mean my bedroom, I mean in Aquarius... which has a reputation for being cool and stand-offish. Universal, but not personal. But you're also in my Seventh House, which is considered to be a very good place for you. At least, as far as all the traditional love and romance associations Venus has.
V7H: I find it makes it easier to express my higher ideals to others, especially within the context of a relationship. And when you share a house with Mars In Capricorn your whole life, you learn a few things about "getting along." There are worse things than having high ideals towards someone you love, isn't there?
MTA: I suppose so.
V7H: People are inherently worthy of love, merely for being people. It's too easy to forget that. And it's too easy to forget that romantic love comes with responsibility as well as pleasure. People treat it like it's a trip to Candyland... and then they crash after the sugar runs out. Or when the object of that love... who is worthy of love simply because they are human... turns out to be human. So many people grasp for Love, because it will do something for them. Like it's a pill that will compensate for the pain. But it's not about you. It's about the other. That's the easiest thing in the world to understand about Love. And, sometimes, it's the hardest thing to act on. It's less like Romeo and Juliet than most people realize... and more like Kirk and Spock. (Drifting towards the door) Gotta go... glad you're doing better...
MTA: Wait! Why not stick around a while?
V7H: I'm needed somewhere else.
MTA: You're such a humanitarian.
V7H: Not today, Brother. I've got a Star Trek convention to get to... (leaves)
(Part of the "Personal Planets" series. Click HERE to collect 'em all!)
