(SCENE: The Interview Room. MATTHEW THE ASTROLOGER sits behind the desk. The door bursts open and MARS IN CAPRICORN IN THE SEVENTH enters, dressed in battered leather and sporting three days growth of stubble, giving off a very Mad Max air. MARS sits down at the chair in front of MATTHEW, parking his biker-boot shod feet on the desk)
MTA: Well... you're exactly on time.
M7H: I plan ahead. Let's get this candy-ass interview over with.
MTA: Ooookay. Are you usually this, um, charming?
M7H: I'm incredibly well behaved, usually. I'm just keeping an eye on you. Don't want you pulling a hatchet job on me.
MTA: Now why would I do that?
M7H: You might have your reasons. (Removes a serrated hunting knife from his belt, and shoves it point first in the desk) See? I'm not armed now. No need to be afraid, Nancy Boy. Go ahead, ask your questions.
MTA: Mars in Capricorn is generally considered to be an "exalted" placement... the most effective sign you can be in. And you're very strongly aspected in my chart.
M7H: Yeah, and exactly opposite Moon in Cancer. That's caused a few ulcers in my time, believe me.
MTA: But you're in the Seventh House, which is an awkward placement to say the least.
M7H: I admit it made the first marriage difficult. Also: I seem to like 'em a little feisty.
MTA: "First" marriage?
M7H: I haven't given up on a second one. (Pauses) It's a security issue.
MTA: Ah. You've certainly caused a few brawls in your time.
M7H: Verbal ones, mostly. The use of actual physical violence is a sign that you didn't plan ahead... that your opponent got the best of you. But a good verbal fight, if someone has it coming to them and your cause is just? Oh yeah. "To fight and conquer in all your battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting."
MTA: You've read "The Art Of War" by Sun Tzu then?
M7H: When I was twelve.
MTA: It's certainly a good thing you've got all that energy under control.
M7H: I've actually put it to good use. I was a shop steward once, you know. And that's not the only good use I've put it to over the years.
MTA: Really? What else?
M7H: (Standing up, removing his knife from the desk, and turning to leave) Haven't really got time to talk. But look up "The Multi-Orgasmic Man" sometime. It's another classic that's made my life a better place. (Pauses) I know you don't really want to mention that on your blog. But you got your little interview out of the deal, and I got a little advertising for myself out of it. Leave it in. Show some balls... or I will mess you up in ways you can't imagine, when you least expect it.
MTA: Hey.. what the hell? Are you looking for a fight?
M7H: No. Just looking to win. (Turning back before leaving) Besides, it's good for you too. Most of your clients are women, right? And who are most of their complaints about?
M7H: (Winks) See? When I'm plugged in, I'm good for business. Takes a thief to catch a thief, right? (Leaves, grinning)
(Part of the "Personal Planets" series. Click HERE to collect 'em all!)