"Listen up, maggots. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else."-Fight Club
(SCENE: The Interview Room. MATTHEW THE ASTROLOGER sits behind the desk. There is a knock at the door and it opens slowly, making a long creaking noise. SATURN IN THE NINTH HOUSE enters, dressed in long black robes, and walks slowly and deliberately to the desk and sits down. He produces an hourglass and places it on the desk.)
S9H: Hello.
MTA: Oh, ah, hello. I wasn't expecting you.
S9H: It's strange how no one ever does, isn't it?
MTA: I have to be honest with you: I don't quite know how to approach you. I mean we all know what you represent --
S9H: Limitations, structure, order, boundaries, bones and teeth, and so on. Yes. It's not the most exciting job in the Zodiac, being the designated driver.
MTA: Yes. In my birth chart you're in Pisces... with its reputation for dreamy spirituality, and you're in the Ninth House, representing the higher mind, philosophy, religion...
S9H: Don't forget Higher Education. Remember that screw-up that kept you out of USC Film School?
MTA: Yeah. I'd rather not be reminded of that.
S9H: There are many things your lot don't want to be reminded of.
MTA: What's that supposed to mean?
S9H: You lot. Spiritual people who like to think that everything is always nice and glowy and that all of life is hot and cold running Good Karma on demand, like we live in heaven all the time except when we go on vacation to a spa.
MTA: I'd like to think I'm not quite like that.
S9H: You'd like to think a lot of things about yourself. And when there's a disconnect between what we think and what really is -- (reaches out and taps the hourglass) like when you wake up in the morning and the wrinkles are deeper than you expected -- you all act so afraid. And when things get tight and they hurt, you all call your priest or rabbi or astrologer or doctor or psychic healer or Dr. Phil as if they can somehow barter with Fate for you. Hmph. Wishful thinking at its finest.
MTA: Man, that's harsh. And why did you call me "you all?" There's only one of me.
S9H: Because everyone feels me personally, but what I represent is far more universal than the taste in movies you get from Neptune, or how well you do at trivia quizzes because of your Mercury. I am The Material World. I am the things you are here to adapt to, to learn from, and to overcome.
MTA: But in the Ninth House, representing religion and spirituality --
S9H: Yes. And you are the most skeptical astrologer I've ever met. And for good reason... 90% of the astrology out there is crap.
MTA: I'm not sure the people reading my blog will be happy to hear that.
S9H: Maybe they will be when they realize that 90% of everything is crap. Everything. Medicine. Science. Religion. Food. Television. Relationships. That doesn't mean it doesn't work, though. And that doesn't mean you aren't a spiritual person. It makes you --
MTA: Practical? Grounded?
S9H: I was going to say "More like Dr. House than the average astrologer."
MTA: Thanks, I think. That's kind of a depressing view of life, isn't it?
S9H: Only at first. If you ever want to get to The Truth, you have to peel away the crap. Sometimes that hurts. It's all necessary though, if you ever want to be anything other than useless to yourself or anyone else. That's the way The Universe is, and always will be until -- (looks at hourglass, taps the last few grains out, and puts the hourglass back into his robes) -- your time runs out. (S9H rises and walks towards the door)
MTA: Wait! I didn't get a chance to ask any of the questions I wanted to!
S9H: (Without looking back) That's how I work. I don't answer questions... I present the circumstances that make you question. (The door slowly creaks shut behind S9H as he leaves)
S9H: Hello.
MTA: Oh, ah, hello. I wasn't expecting you.
S9H: It's strange how no one ever does, isn't it?
MTA: I have to be honest with you: I don't quite know how to approach you. I mean we all know what you represent --
S9H: Limitations, structure, order, boundaries, bones and teeth, and so on. Yes. It's not the most exciting job in the Zodiac, being the designated driver.
MTA: Yes. In my birth chart you're in Pisces... with its reputation for dreamy spirituality, and you're in the Ninth House, representing the higher mind, philosophy, religion...
S9H: Don't forget Higher Education. Remember that screw-up that kept you out of USC Film School?
MTA: Yeah. I'd rather not be reminded of that.
S9H: There are many things your lot don't want to be reminded of.
MTA: What's that supposed to mean?
S9H: You lot. Spiritual people who like to think that everything is always nice and glowy and that all of life is hot and cold running Good Karma on demand, like we live in heaven all the time except when we go on vacation to a spa.
MTA: I'd like to think I'm not quite like that.
S9H: You'd like to think a lot of things about yourself. And when there's a disconnect between what we think and what really is -- (reaches out and taps the hourglass) like when you wake up in the morning and the wrinkles are deeper than you expected -- you all act so afraid. And when things get tight and they hurt, you all call your priest or rabbi or astrologer or doctor or psychic healer or Dr. Phil as if they can somehow barter with Fate for you. Hmph. Wishful thinking at its finest.
MTA: Man, that's harsh. And why did you call me "you all?" There's only one of me.
S9H: Because everyone feels me personally, but what I represent is far more universal than the taste in movies you get from Neptune, or how well you do at trivia quizzes because of your Mercury. I am The Material World. I am the things you are here to adapt to, to learn from, and to overcome.
MTA: But in the Ninth House, representing religion and spirituality --
S9H: Yes. And you are the most skeptical astrologer I've ever met. And for good reason... 90% of the astrology out there is crap.
MTA: I'm not sure the people reading my blog will be happy to hear that.
S9H: Maybe they will be when they realize that 90% of everything is crap. Everything. Medicine. Science. Religion. Food. Television. Relationships. That doesn't mean it doesn't work, though. And that doesn't mean you aren't a spiritual person. It makes you --
MTA: Practical? Grounded?
S9H: I was going to say "More like Dr. House than the average astrologer."
MTA: Thanks, I think. That's kind of a depressing view of life, isn't it?
S9H: Only at first. If you ever want to get to The Truth, you have to peel away the crap. Sometimes that hurts. It's all necessary though, if you ever want to be anything other than useless to yourself or anyone else. That's the way The Universe is, and always will be until -- (looks at hourglass, taps the last few grains out, and puts the hourglass back into his robes) -- your time runs out. (S9H rises and walks towards the door)
MTA: Wait! I didn't get a chance to ask any of the questions I wanted to!
S9H: (Without looking back) That's how I work. I don't answer questions... I present the circumstances that make you question. (The door slowly creaks shut behind S9H as he leaves)
(Part of the "Personal Planets" series. Click HERE to collect 'em all!)
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4 comments:
thank you very much.
My Sag Merc RX conjunct Saturn is most intrigued by this posting. So your Sag Merc RX widely squares your ntal Pisces Saturn in the 9th? No blind acceptance of the laws above or below for you, matey. Yep, no lemmings here.
You know how to make aspects and such really interesting. Too bad I didn't know you before other astrologers made my chart seem to be the most depressing and boring one ever.
Thank you for these tres amusing skits!
NOTE: I won't be previewing my Astrologydating.com blog entries here from now on. Better get over there and subscribe to the RSS feed before you miss anything! Head over to astrologydating.com/blog and read the whole series... and ALL my new stuff... for free!
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