Monday, August 25, 2008

House, MD: Astrologer

(SCENE: The conference room at Princeton-Plainsboro Hospital. DR. GREGORY HOUSE stands leaning on his cane at the whiteboard at the front of the room. He addresses his assistants: DRS. FOREMAN, CAMERON, and CHASE.)

HOUSE: Patient is a 42 year old male. Was admitted yesterday complaining of short-temperedness, lack of direction, diminished self-confidence, and ennui. He's unresponsive to the usual stimuli.

FOREMAN: Easy. Saturn opposition.

HOUSE: C'mon Foreman... if it was really that straightforward, would it be our Case Of The Week?

CAMERON: The test results indicate that transiting Uranus is also squaring his Sun, and conjuncting his Midheaven. There's probably a lot of stress around his career and vision of himself in life.

HOUSE: True. But let's not get all psychological about this. I hate that sort of thing.

CHASE: But sometimes these things are psychological! Besides, he's having his Neptune square now.

FOREMAN: Natal Neptune in the Fifth House, Transiting Neptune edging into his Ninth. That's got "philosophical crisis" written all over it.

CAMERON: Plus depression. Let's not forget that transiting Pluto is opposing his natal Jupiter.

CHASE: Treatment should be obvious then.

HOUSE: Right. Put him in a freezer for another six months, thaw him out when the transits are over, and he can get on with his life. Okay, next case --

CHASE: You can't do that!

CAMERON: He needs to work through these things!

FOREMAN: It's obvious. The patient is undergoing a number of bad transits, Uranus is conjuncting his natal Chiron... a planet the patient himself admits he often neglects in his own chart. He could work through this by understanding his basic internal symbolic composition.

HOUSE: I hate that Jungian crap!

CAMERON: But if the patient is able to find philosophical meaning in it, that will keep him alive until these transits pass. It's a lot better than freezing him, anyway.

CHASE: Maybe some form of creative outlet would help.

FOREMAN: Maybe... writing a blog entry about it!

CAMERON: That's brilliant!

CHASE: Chiron really can be useful in a practical way, you know.

HOUSE: (Waving his cane angrily) You give me that "wounded healer" crap one more time and I swear I'll use this thing on you!


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Anonymous said...


may said...

Yay! :)

Have you seen this?

Matthew The Astrologer said...

Hee hee... that pretty much sums up the current state of TV medicine...

angelineelise said...

Hey, I was born with Saturn up thurr..

Get well soon!

They need to have Astrological Sympathy Cards!!

"In The Time Of Transit Pluto Opposing Your Natal Jupiter..."

(a picture of Godzilla rising from the ocean, approaching the beach full of people...running)

"Our Sympathies"

Cliff said...

It's NOT Lupus!

Matthew The Astrologer said...

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Part I:

Part II:

Matthew The Astrologer said...

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