Mercury In Sagittarius In The Fifth, Retrograde, Conjunct South Node: An Interview

Do I contradict myself?
Very well, then I contradict myself,
I am large, I contain multitudes.

-Walt Whitman


(SCENE: The Interview Room. MATTHEW THE ASTROLOGER sits behind the desk. There is a knock at the door and it opens. MERCURY IN THE FIFTH enters the room at a brisk pace and sits down in front of the desk.)

M5H: Hey! Yo! Guten Tag! Whassup?

MTA: Hello. You're a bit late.

M5H: Sorry, I couldn't find my keys.

MTA: I'm sorry, aren't you closely conjunct South Node? You came by yourself.

M5H: (Cocks his ear as if listening to something sitting on his left shoulder, then responds) South Node says he's a "shadow planet" in Vedic astrology and doesn't operate quite like the other guys.

MTA: Ah, I see. I'd like to ask you a few questions about your experience.

M5H: Certainement! I love a good question and answer session.

MTA: First of all, you're in the Fifth House. How do you feel this affects your self expression?

M5H: Oh, lots and lots of ways! Like for example, I can write Haiku at the drop of a hat:

Google hits are down
Blog written Sunday morning
Untalented hack.

See? I just made that up right now!

MTA: (clears throat) All right, then. I've noticed your placement, especially with the South Node, sometimes favours excessive drinking. Or drug use.

M5H: (Listening to the invisible presence on his shoulder again, then leans in and speaks quietly to MTA) Why? Whaddaya got?

MTA: Never mind. You know, Mercury in Sagittarius, being opposite Gemini which it rules, is generally considered to be a "debilitated" placement. Kind of scattered and imprecise. It has certain gifts though, like a talent for languages...

M5H: I disagree. My extensive search of the Rodden astrological database shows many important scientists, researchers, and writers have that placement. (searching through pockets) ¡Hijo de puta! Where did I leave those keys?

MTA: I'm sorry, I don't think this is getting me anywhere. You've been pretty scattered and unfocused.

M5H: (Listening to South Node again) We have an excellent collection of love letters we've written, you know. Would you like to see some?

MTA: Right... Fifth House. No thank you. You can go now.

M5H: (leaving angrily) Stinking gadjo!

(MTA returns to writing his notes. After a couple of minutes, the door opens again and M5H pokes his head in)

M5H: Umm... did I leave my keys in here...?

(Part of the "Personal Planets" series. Click HERE to collect 'em all!)

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