Sunday, September 7, 2008

Mercury In Sagittarius In The Fifth, Retrograde, Conjunct South Node: An Interview

Do I contradict myself?
Very well, then I contradict myself,
I am large, I contain multitudes.

-Walt Whitman

(SCENE: The Interview Room. MATTHEW THE ASTROLOGER sits behind the desk. There is a knock at the door and it opens. MERCURY IN THE FIFTH enters the room at a brisk pace and sits down in front of the desk.)

M5H: Hey! Yo! Guten Tag! Whassup?

MTA: Hello. You're a bit late.

M5H: Sorry, I couldn't find my keys.

MTA: I'm sorry, aren't you closely conjunct South Node? You came by yourself.

M5H: (Cocks his ear as if listening to something sitting on his left shoulder, then responds) South Node says he's a "shadow planet" in Vedic astrology and doesn't operate quite like the other guys.

MTA: Ah, I see. I'd like to ask you a few questions about your experience.

M5H: Certainement! I love a good question and answer session.

MTA: First of all, you're in the Fifth House. How do you feel this affects your self expression?

M5H: Oh, lots and lots of ways! Like for example, I can write Haiku at the drop of a hat:

Google hits are down
Blog written Sunday morning
Untalented hack.

See? I just made that up right now!

MTA: (clears throat) All right, then. I've noticed your placement, especially with the South Node, sometimes favours excessive drinking. Or drug use.

M5H: (Listening to the invisible presence on his shoulder again, then leans in and speaks quietly to MTA) Why? Whaddaya got?

MTA: Never mind. You know, Mercury in Sagittarius, being opposite Gemini which it rules, is generally considered to be a "debilitated" placement. Kind of scattered and imprecise. It has certain gifts though, like a talent for languages...

M5H: I disagree. My extensive search of the Rodden astrological database shows many important scientists, researchers, and writers have that placement. (searching through pockets) ¡Hijo de puta! Where did I leave those keys?

MTA: I'm sorry, I don't think this is getting me anywhere. You've been pretty scattered and unfocused.

M5H: (Listening to South Node again) We have an excellent collection of love letters we've written, you know. Would you like to see some?

MTA: Right... Fifth House. No thank you. You can go now.

M5H: (leaving angrily) Stinking gadjo!

(MTA returns to writing his notes. After a couple of minutes, the door opens again and M5H pokes his head in)

M5H: Umm... did I leave my keys in here...?

(Part of the "Personal Planets" series. Click HERE to collect 'em all!)



Anonymous said...

Can you check your lost and found? I can't seem to find my keys and I'm locked inside my house...

Anonymous said...

Well, Can I just say that my Sag Sun conjunct Venus trine Uranus adores M5H! Oh,where would we be without adorable, entertaining and sometimes puckish M5H? Certainly less enlightened and less amused. Woo hoo.

V2H said...

M5H!! you left your keys on my bedside table! wanna come & pick them up? we could just... ;)

Matthew The Astrologer said...

That could have been Neptune in the 5th... I'll ask...

v2h said...

OMG you were "that" drunk? hehehe

Matthew The Astrologer said...

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