Monday, April 6, 2009

Venus Stumbles Back Into Pisces For One More Round

SCENE: The Pisces Bar. VENUS stumbles in through the fire exit door. Although she's just arrived, it's obvious she is already drunk. She wobbles in and stumbles into an empty chair at the table where MARS and URANUS are already sitting, sharing a pitcher of beer.

VENUS: Hey guys... I'm back!

MARS: Hey sexy, what's up? You blew out of here a while ago and said you wouldn't be back.

URANUS: Yeah... you said something about Aries and "gettin' your freak on." As I recall, I approved of the concept.

VENUS: (Picking up the pitcher of beer and drinking from it directly) I am THE QUEEN OF LOVE! And I am EXALTED here!

URANUS: Okay, sister, take it easy. What's up with you?

VENUS: I've been retrograde too long boys, and it all comes to an end here! In the place I'm EXALTED baby!

MARS: You mentioned that.

VENUS: And when I station and go direct... I shine my brightest! (VENUS stands up and lifts her shirt to the crowd) WOO HOO! (A set of Mardi Gras beads flies out of the crowd and hits VENUS in the face. She puts her shirt back down and sits, one boob still exposed) Everybody loves me! I rule this place!

URANUS: Actually, Neptune rules this place. He isn't here yet.

MARS: (checking his watch) And he's taking his time about it, too.

VENUS: You guys are great... and I have some good news for you! I know I've been kind of retrograde lately, and yeah I know, that hasn't been good news for a lot of people...

MARS: Old flames coming back and screwing things up again, people doing stupid things with their money...

URANUS: (Looking pointedly at VENUS) Overindulging...

VENUS: Well, today I'm back on track, baby! All of that's over with! Like Eric Clapton said... "no more bad love!"

(MARS and URANUS both stare disbelievingingly at VENUS)

MARS and URANUS: You have been drinking, haven't you?


Anonymous said...

But who doesn't love a misguided, (albeit sweetly pickled) but generally well-intention chickie-pie? It is like High school all over again!

Anonymous said...

Hi Matt,

I think you should post to your blog twice daily. Your humorous interpretation of the stars keeps me going and makes me laugh. There are many boring blogs out there. Yours in not one of them. Cheers!-V

NR said...

Here, here!

flip said...


Karma e Maia said...

That's such a genial idea!making dialog between two planets!that's so funny!


Very clever Matthew...keep them coming.
The Ten Minute Astrologer

Matthew The Astrologer said...

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