(The first episode of "Conquer The Universe With Astrology: The Radio Show" begins August 19th! Subcribe to this blog for further details... or find me on Twitter (@MatthewCurrie) or on Facebook! Hope to see you all there!)
Crabs have evolved thick, impenetrable shells as an evolutionary defence against being boiled and served with melted butter. And, like a crab, cancers have evolved their personalities to defend their sweet, tasty insides from invaders.
Cancers have developed a reputation for being oversensitive, which is not surprising when the symbol for their sign is a crawly thing that's named after a deadly illness. When the ancient Romans had an unwanted child, they would often carry it off into the woods and leave it to die. When you tell most people that, they are horrified. When you tell most Cancers that, they will (on one level or another) relate it to a story from their own childhood, real or imagined. Cancers never forget a slight or an insult. Whereas other signs can usually "get over it," Cancers tend to file these things away for future reference.
Cancers are sweet, kind, caring and passionate people who often choose to hide it behind a mask of stiff, snarky indifference. Being as caring as they are is not an easy thing in a world full of jerks, thus they often disguise themselves as even bigger jerks than everyone else. You can usually see that sensitivity of theirs if you look deeply into their big sensitive eyes, but don't be surprised if they smack you one for it. No one is supposed to know these things about them, and by reading this, you've probably been quietly added to their Potential Enemies list.