An Astrologer's Karma Runs Over A Skeptic's Dogma

First of all, I urge you to take nine and a half minutes out of your life to watch this video:

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My comments:

0:45 - Vedic astrology is "far more accurate." I don't want to start any brawls here between Western and Vedic Astrologers (they can do that fine on their own, thank you). But, speaking as someone who uses both Western and Vedic techniques, I understand where the occasional smugness of the Vedic crowd comes from. It's downright spooky the stuff a decent Vedic astrologer can spot in a birth chart.

Having said that: I think the biggest (and most accurate) criticisms of Western Astrology that the jyotishis have is based on...

0:59 "I got out of astrology because I realized that what I was really doing was practicing psychology without a license."

Bingo. One of my biggest problems with how astrology is practiced... particularly of the Western variety... is that it's more psychology than astrology. My own educational background is in psychology, so I'm not knocking that. And of course, as an astrologer, I'm not knocking astrology. The problem with a lot of astrological consultations is that psychology is a vital part of a consultation, and too many are practicing it without a decent grasp of psychology and counseling techniques.

Of course, my own background may bias my opinion. And God knows there are plenty of valid criticisms of modern psychology. How many Universities have a Department of Psychology? And is there a consistently effective treatment for chronic depression out there yet? Say what you will about astrology, it stands up nicely to Freudian or Behavioral or Humanistic views of how the mind works... without nearly the same amount of research funding.

Put another way: if you stopped being an astrologer because you realized that you were "practicing psychology without a license," the problem isn't astrology... it's that you aren't a psychologist. Regardless of one's level of astrological skill, mucking about with people's thoughts and feelings and past and future demands a lot of knowledge, wisdom, and self-discipline. If you haven't got that... please, find another job.

1:45 "This is a woman who probably plucks her eyebrows." Well, um... duh. We're told this woman is a business executive, so maintaining a crisp, clean appearance is going to be important. But the point here is that if I doubt she'd say "wow" to this observation unless (left to their own devices) her brows really were on the bushy side. And honestly... anyone who thinks this astrologer could "bond" with a woman over pointing out her bushy eyebrows obviously knows very little about women... let alone astrology or psychology.

Besides... whether they "bonded" or not... the astrologer was right.

3:05-9:28 - As a lawyer would say, res ipsa loquitur... "the thing speaks for itself." A cumulative result of 77% effectiveness? Booyah!

Pick any currently available antidepressant... each one the result of years of scientific research and millions of dollars of laboratory time... and you tell me if it works 77% percent of the time. Go ahead, look it up. I dare you.

Now... where's MY lab coat, tenure, and corner office, dammit?

And finally... thanks to both Michael Schermer for allowing this to surface in the first place... and to Jeffrey Armstrong, for kicking ass.

Isaac Hayes And The Astrology Of Death

A man returns home from a weekend trip to hear his phone ringing. He answers it. It's his doctor calling.

"I hope you're sitting down," the doctor says, "because I have bad news, and worse news."

"Okay," the man says, "what's the bad news?"

"I have your test results here. They say you only have 24 hours to live."

"Oh my God!" The man says. "What news could be worse than that?"

The doctor answers: "I've been trying to get a hold of you since yesterday."

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Academy-award winning singer and composer Isaac Hayes (August 20, 1942 at 4:00 AM in Covington, KY) died Sunday at the age of 65. I'd like to take this opportunity to touch on a particularly taboo subject among many astrologers and their clients: death.

A lot of astrologers won't discuss the timing of a death, or will only do so hesitantly. I can certainly understand that: it's not a pleasant subject, and tends to clash with the "love and light" glamour that many of us (myself included) want to cast all over a consultation. And no one wants to be accused of encouraging morbid thoughts, or of putting those thoughts into some one's head. But still... if astrology really can predict major life events, shouldn't we be able to predict this one? Isn't death a major life event?

Well... it is.

I've been waiting a while for a famous death with a confirmed time of birth to show how predicting death works, but the truth is that the techniques are far too complex to fit into a blog entry. I'd have to write a book. If I wrote a book, I'd have to call it "The Astrology Of Death." And then I'd have to change my name to Richard Houck. And then it would look totally self-serving when I tell you that "The Astrology Of Death" by Richard Houck (although not designed for those who are afraid of hard work and a lot of calculations) is the best damned astrology book you've never read and you should buy it right away.

For those of you familiar with the techniques Houck described, the death of Isaac Hayes is a classic. All the tertiary progressions and Vedic dasas are right where you would expect them to be. As a matter of fact, I'm going to go out on a bit of a limb and predict that the cause of death will be listed as pulmonary failure. But I have my fingers crossed when I say that.

Had Mr. Hayes been in contact with an astrologer keeping an eye out for these things, maybe... maybe... he would still be alive. After all, what's the point in knowing bad news is on the way if you can't do anything about it?

And how good was Richard Houck, and his techniques for predicting death? I know from personal experience and years or reading, re-reading, and then applying his techniques. Or finally: consider this from the very last page of the Second Edition of The Astrology Of Death: "Around 2002-2003 Richard Houck plans to relocate to Pensacola, FL. As necessary, call information there for his personal listed phone number. April Fool."

Richard Houck died on April Fools Day, 2001.

Hmmm.

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Beauty: Confirmed Without A Time Of Birth (Or A Picture!)

Apparently Charlize Theron is the Sexiest Woman In The World, at least according to Esquire magazine.

If you want some kind of an astrological explanation for this, it's a bit problematic. We don't have an accurate time of birth for Charlize. Fortunately, there is a relative simple Vedic technique that can help in cases like this.

Every aspect of life in a Vedic chart can be ruled by two planets. One of them is the planet ruling the house in question. In other words, if you were born with Taurus rising, you have Scorpio on the 7th. Therefore, your marriage is ruled by your Mars (the traditional ruler of Scorpio).

Each facet of your life also has a natural ruler: a karaka. For example, the karaka for marriage is Jupiter... so regardless of when you were born, we also look at your Jupiter for hints of how marriage will be for you.

If you have a birth chart without a time of birth, and still want to extract useful details about this or that are of life, just:

-Convert the chart to Sidereal. Quit complaining, that's what software is for, and you can get it for free out there.

-Rotate the chart until the karaka in question is on the Ascendant.

-Treat the entire sign the planet is in as the 1st house. In other words, if your Jupiter is at 27 degrees Gemini, then everything from 0-29 degrees Gemini is your first house, all of Cancer is the second, and so on.

-Voila! Charlize Theron's Venus chart has Sun, Moon, Mercury and Saturn in the 12th House in Cancer, which in the Vedic system rules, um, "bed pleasures." Having the Moon there, in the sign it rules, amplifies everything.

So you have a blind date with Charlize and she doesn't know her time of birth. I can't make you any guarantees about her personality yet, but damn... the chart says she's a looker.

(Another Vedic tidbit; with a Sun/Moon conjunction, she's probably better than average at math too. Bring that up over the appetizers and impress the hell out of her with your astrological skill!)

This raises two very important points: first of all, Western and Vedic have a lot to offer each other. Secondly, if you need an astrologer to tell you what's beautiful and what isn't, you probably don't deserve a date with Charlize Theron.

Of course, we're talking about a generic, cultural/genetic sort of beauty. When it comes to what each of us finds truly beautiful is entirely individual, based on who we are and the placements in our birth chart as much as anything else.

For example: I know who the Most Beautiful Girl In The World really is... but she's shy about it. So, no names.

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If you'd like more information on what an astrological counseling session can do for you, or to inquire about my services, CLICK HERE. If you'd like a FREE (yes, FREE!) one-month customized forecast, send me your date, city, and (if known) time of birth. Again, it's free... regardless of what you look like.

Sexy, Large-Breasted Astrology: A Serious Philosophical Discussion

Right about now I was supposed to have a clear, easy to ready delineation using Ashtakavarga techniques to demonstrate that everything is going to be just fine, thank you, with Britney Spears. I still think she will be, in the final analysis. The problem is my ability to break Ashtakavarga down into relatively simple, bite-sized chunks.

Well, you've just going to have to take my word for it. I've decided to write a book instead. Rush out and order your copy today... it'll be ready in about two years.

This brings to mind a larger philosophical conversation I've been having with myself of late about the nature of astrology, and communicating it in a useful manner. Consider the following scenario:

DOCTOR: (gravely) Mrs. Jones, I'm afraid you have acute post-prandial upper abdominal distention, with complicating edema.

MRS. JONES: (terrified) Am... am I going... to live?

DOCTOR: It's cramps and bloating. Have a Midol, you'll be fine.

Conveying the admittedly complex concepts of astrology is probably the biggest challenge an astrologer faces, after grasping those concepts. It can be a huge challenge getting it all across in a useful, non-technical form.

ASTROLOGER: Your Sun sextiles Uranus in the Second House --

CLIENT: You fraud! I don't own a second house, and if I did, my son would not have anal sex with a reptile in it!

It's enough to make any client tell an astrologer to go quincunx himself.

So from now on most of the Vedic writing I'll be doing will be dedicated to the cause of making it all make sense on a relatively simple level. Which, I figure, is a good thing. I think there would be a lot more acceptance of astrology in the mainstream if we, as astrologers, did more and better jobs of getting the word out. Of course that's also one of the problems with my calling: it's not like a plumber has to spend half his day explaining that U-bends and cutoff valves aren't just silly superstition.

The problem is an order of magnitude more difficult when it comes to Vedic. It's a system with a lot more mathematical and conceptual complexities, written in an unfamiliar language. And yet it's as universal and applicable as the weather.

And, just like the weather, sometimes you have to dress it up a little to make high pressure cells and chaos theory and hydrodynamics palatable. But it can be done... just ask Univision meteorologist Jackie Guerrido. She's a Libra, so she'll probably take the time to explain it nicely.

Clearly, though... I'm gonna need a new wardrobe for this job.

Western Vs. Vedic Astrology: A Brief Musical Interlude

I realize that most of you out there are more familiar with Western Astrology than you are with Vedic. That's okay: Vedic can be a little intimidating at first.

Both systems are looking at the same person, and the same planets in the same places. The language is different, the techniques are very different (yet strangely compatible once you get the hang of it), but the results (done properly) are the same.

I thought I should clear that up before I go on any more about Britney Spears. The best way I've been able to sum up the difference between these two schools of thought is musically. So turn up those speakers and get astrological with it!

First, the sound of a typical Western Astrologer looking at your birth chart. Lesley Gore, from "Ski Party" (1965):

Now, the same from a Vedic Astrologer. The Dust Brothers, from "Fight Club" (1999):

See? Vedic is easy to figure out!

Britney Spears And Ashtakavarga Astrology -- Gesundheit!

(Click on the picture. It gets bigger.)

Britney Spears is going to be just fine, eventually, and I can demonstrate with ashtakavarga. It's a big scary word, but don't be afraid of it: ash-tok-a-var-ga. Say it with me.

Forget everything you know for a moment about astrology. I'm going to try to convey my great enthusiasm for Ashtakavarga astrology -- a Vedic technique so different from anything else you've seen before that it may as well be considered a branch of astrology distinct from either Vedic or Western. Furthermore, it's a technique that I have found to be consistently reliable and straightforward when it comes to making hard predictions.

Interested? Good. Read on.

The sky is divided into twelve equal portions, called "houses". When you were born, each of these portions received a certain number of "points" based on where the planets were at the time. The more points a house has in your birth chart, the stronger it is, leading to generally better results. Conversely, a house with a lower score tends to be more of a struggle. Each planet also has it's own strength, expressed as a number, depending on which house it is transiting through at the time.

On the right is the birth chart in standard Western terms. In the middle is the Vedic chart... the same information in a different format. The box in the bottom right-hand corner is the First House... that line through it represents the Ascendant. The box to the left of the one with the line through it is the second house, then the third, and so on clockwise around the chart.

On the far left (top left hand corner) is the same information again, except now the information is displayed as a numerical total (the "strength" of each house). Each of the remaining eight charts shows the strength of the transiting Ascendant or planet as it passes through that particular House, with that planet's natal position in grey. In other words, Brit's natal Sun is in the Third House, where it has a strength of 4 out of a possible 8.

(I'm going to pause now so you can catch your breath. All these numbers and boxes can be pretty intimidating. The ancient sages who laid the foundations of Vedic astrology knew this, and predicted that one day there would be a means to make all of this a lot easier. They were right. All these numbers were calculated in a blink by a computer. In the old days, if you went to an astrologer and wanted him to work out your ashtakavarga, you'd pay extra. And for good reason: doing this manually can be crazy-making. But the interpretation can be surprisingly straightforward.)

The houses work largely the way you're used to. The first house is "presenting symptoms" (in medical terms), the Seventh is marriage and partnerships, the Fifth is children and romance, the Tenth is career, the Eleventh is "love received" and so on.

One interesting thing about ashtakavarga -- whenever you see a big difference between the score in a house and the score in an opposite house, that shows an inherent imbalance between those two areas of a person's life. For example, a person with a high score in the First and a low one in the Seventh often indicates someone who "presents well" and is popular and well-liked but has constant difficulty in their marriage and close relationships.

Britney Spears has a score of 37 in her First House and a score of 28 in her Seventh. She has 31 in the Eleventh... but 23 in the Fifth House, representing children. The score is 35 in her Career House (the Tenth), but 20 in her domestic situation (the Fourth).

Although the traditional Vedic system doesn't use Pluto, it's still useful, and still means the same things in a Vedic chart. Pluto entered Brit's Vedic Fourth House last year. Hmmm. Given that big 4th House/Tenth House imbalance, I wonder if there's been trouble between Brit and her Mom, during all this career-boosting publicity?

You bet there is!

You might find yourself wondering at this point if ashtakavarga explains why some people with a strong Venus in the Seventh House have crappy marriages, and why some people breeze through their Saturn Returns.

And you'd be right.

Got all that? Good.

Next time: Quantum superpositioning and negative probability made simple!

Oh, wait, this is my astrology blog...

Next time: Britney Spears' future in detail, using ashtakavarga, made simple!