Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Sexy, Large-Breasted Astrology: A Serious Philosophical Discussion

Right about now I was supposed to have a clear, easy to ready delineation using Ashtakavarga techniques to demonstrate that everything is going to be just fine, thank you, with Britney Spears. I still think she will be, in the final analysis. The problem is my ability to break Ashtakavarga down into relatively simple, bite-sized chunks.

Well, you've just going to have to take my word for it. I've decided to write a book instead. Rush out and order your copy today... it'll be ready in about two years.

This brings to mind a larger philosophical conversation I've been having with myself of late about the nature of astrology, and communicating it in a useful manner. Consider the following scenario:

DOCTOR: (gravely) Mrs. Jones, I'm afraid you have acute post-prandial upper abdominal distention, with complicating edema.

MRS. JONES: (terrified) Am... am I going... to live?

DOCTOR: It's cramps and bloating. Have a Midol, you'll be fine.

Conveying the admittedly complex concepts of astrology is probably the biggest challenge an astrologer faces, after grasping those concepts. It can be a huge challenge getting it all across in a useful, non-technical form.

ASTROLOGER: Your Sun sextiles Uranus in the Second House --

CLIENT: You fraud! I don't own a second house, and if I did, my son would not have anal sex with a reptile in it!

It's enough to make any client tell an astrologer to go quincunx himself.

So from now on most of the Vedic writing I'll be doing will be dedicated to the cause of making it all make sense on a relatively simple level. Which, I figure, is a good thing. I think there would be a lot more acceptance of astrology in the mainstream if we, as astrologers, did more and better jobs of getting the word out. Of course that's also one of the problems with my calling: it's not like a plumber has to spend half his day explaining that U-bends and cutoff valves aren't just silly superstition.

The problem is an order of magnitude more difficult when it comes to Vedic. It's a system with a lot more mathematical and conceptual complexities, written in an unfamiliar language. And yet it's as universal and applicable as the weather.

And, just like the weather, sometimes you have to dress it up a little to make high pressure cells and chaos theory and hydrodynamics palatable. But it can be done... just ask Univision meteorologist Jackie Guerrido. She's a Libra, so she'll probably take the time to explain it nicely.

Clearly, though... I'm gonna need a new wardrobe for this job.


2 comments:

Jeffrey Kishner said...

You lured me in with linkbait, and then you made me snigger. And I didn't have to even learn complex concepts!

Pat Paquette said...

Ha ha, Jeffrey.

Matthew, I don't know about you, but my clients really love getting into their charts. At first they're a little confused and disoriented, but I very patiently explain ("that thing that looks like a numeral four, that's Jupiter, and he's usually really lucky, and next month he's going to go into this area of your chart here that has to do with your job," etc.). They are so fascinated that they get entirely out of themselves and become magically detached. When we're all done, they feel like they've learned something. More importantly, it's an effective psychological tool to allow them to see a situation from a more neutral, nonjudgmental perspective. It's incredibly liberating. Time and again, they leave so much lighter than when they came.

In any case, love the Vedic thing you're doing here. I have had some exposure to it. I like the idea of sidereal astrology, but have such a hard time thinking of myself as a Capricorn.