Wednesday, September 12, 2007

America's Other 9/11 Crisis: The Day After Britney Spears

It figures that, around the same time I was downplaying the effects of the September 11th eclipse on Sagittariuses that everyone's favourite Bad Example, Britney Spears, was looking forward to her live performance/career meltdown at The MTV Music Awards.

I'm a little divided though by the public's response. Yes, her dancing was flat-footed and her lip-syncing was less inspiring than usual. Of course if I had my Mars (the general ruler of physical activity) conjuncted by a lunar eclipse (with transiting Mars in Gemini squaring it's own natal position, with an assist from transiting Pluto in Sagittarius) I'd have a hard time earning my bump 'n grind Merit Badge too.

If Britney were my client, here's what I'd be telling her (and if you're out there Brit, I'm available next Tuesday):

-It's natural that when your Mars is under attack, physical activities will be affected. However, since you have a Mars-Neptune aspect in your chart, you can always count on being charismatic... yes, even if it's a Mars/Neptune square. However, I'd keep an eye out for circulatory and blood pressure issues. Also, I'd watch the booze, honey. Venus was opposing your natal Moon the night before the concert, and the 3 AM margaritas seem to have cut into your rehearsal time.

-A lot of people are picking on you about your weight. First of all, God/evolution (pick one or both) didn't intend that adult women look like a bag of antlers. If you have to choose between having either current fashion or biology on your side, go with biology. Judging purely by looks, I'd much rather have someone like you than some teen star/supermodel you could store in a drainpipe.

Now having said that, Britney, Saturn is currently sextiling your natal Jupiter (your birth chart's snack bar) so if you want to do anything about it, now's the time. If you need any further opinions from me on the matter, please scroll down to the blog entry before this one. My answer is listed under "Sagittarius."

-If you're really looking for something to worry about, I'd mention that the voice is generally ruled by Mercury and/or the 3rd House, and that your natal Mercury is in your 3rd House. That Saturn thing I mentioned is going to be squaring your Mercury, just as it's sextiling your Jupiter.

Your Jupiter rules your 3rd House. So, my combined prediction/diagnosis for the next few months: you're likely to encounter some difficulties with your singing voice. However, the Jupiter thing gives you an opportunity to do something constructive about it. I'm no vocal coach, but I know that a singer can harm their voice if they are singing "improperly" a lot. Given everything else hitting the fan in your life right now, it would be easy to over-react to this when it happens. But, with a level head and some guidance, you could come out sounding better than ever. The key, as with so many other things in life, is finding and keeping the level head.

-I'm convinced that, no matter what, this eclipse is/was going to be a lot worse on Ann Coulter, even though Ann herself can't quite decide what year she was born in, you'll just have to wait and see. Based on her personality though, I'm guessing 1961.

And Ann, if you're out there... I'm busy. Don't call.


Madeline Hill said...

I dunno. A few years back Britney was a teen sensation. Since then she has given birth twice, been in rehab twice, married and divorced twice, etc. ad nauseum.

it seems to me she is just another troubled Mom now, in a nasty custody battle, a silly,irresponsible young gal who drinks and parties too much--

No longer a rock star, eh??

maybe her "handlers' better wake her up to the facts of life.

Britney's over and should stay home and learn how to raise the children she has brought into the world!

Her 15 minutes of fame were over a long time ago--


Neith said...

ROFL!!! Brittney does need to get her shit together, maybe she'll call . . . :-)

Now Ann Coulter is a piece of work . . . after reading something she said in stunned disbelief, I have avoided her. She's rabid!