Tuesday, September 11, 2007

International "Excuses For Bad Behavior" Day Around The Zodiac

One thing I've learned over the years: despite the birth chart, and regardless of Sun Sign, we're all human... and as a result are all prone to bad behavior. Fortunately, I have decided to use The Power Cosmic invested in me as an astrologer (we all get some at the graduation ceremony, along with a scroll and a solemn promise not to overcharge) to declare this day -- September 11, 2007 -- to be International Excuses For Bad Behavior Day. Just like Sadie Hawkins Day, it's a day where the regular rules are suspended, and you can get away will all sorts of nonsense.

Here are your excuses, conveniently listed by Sun Sign. Memorize yours and use it as much as you can today!

ARIES: "Nothing was happening, so I made it happen. Don't blame me because the barbecue wasn't starting fast enough. Besides, your eyebrows will grow back eventually... "

TAURUS: "Yes, sweetie, I know that was the money for our power bill, but I needed that fur-covered vibrating seat cover! And it was on sale! Half price!"

GEMINI: "I know I said I wasn't going to do that, but that was yesterday. Okay, okay, it was today. But I had to. Now I don't. Sorry about that. Mind if I do it again?"

CANCER: "You were mean to me, so you were asking for it. You're an insensitive jerk. I'm only an insensitive jerk because I have to be. You started it!"

LEO: "Look, I know I have certain responsibilities. I'm an adult. So if I decide I want to spend the rent money on a pony, I deserve it. Now, feed Mr. Nibbles for me, won't you?"

VIRGO: "Don't complain about the job I did. It's not as if you were washing the car properly anyway, so I re-did it for you. At least it's clean now. Besides, you always wanted a convertible, right...?"

LIBRA: "But I thought that's how you wanted it! I only did it for you! Now sit down and stop complaining. Prove your love for me, and eat that raw pork sashimi I made for you before I cry."

SCORPIO: "Hey, you were the one complaining about the neighbor's dog barking all the damned time, so I took care of it. You should be thanking me. Now go get me a shovel before this thing starts to stink."

SAGITTARIUS: "It's the truth! And you did ask for my opinion. That dress does make your ass look fat... but I love your fat ass, babe!"

CAPRICORN: (long, icy silence) "Hmph. Like you could have done better."

AQUARIUS: "Yes. Our wedding day should have been the most special occasion of our lives. And it was. Me inviting my friends from the outpatient clinic made it even more special. Besides, it would have been bad luck to get married without my tinfoil hat, and I left mine at home. If Zoolak hadn't loaned me his, the marriage would have been doomed."

PISCES: "I don't see what the problem is. It's not like anyone was hurt. That's the important thing. The cat needed a haircut. And isn't Mrs. Mittens just adorable with her little Mohawk?"


chrispito said...

That picture looks, um, interesting upon first glance.

Neith said...

"Now go get me a shovel before this thing starts to stink."

Howling with laughter!!! You are the best, Matthew!! :-D

gwen said...

ouch, cappie here, that picture hurt!

theblackscorpio said...

Hee, hee, hee, hee ;)