Monday, June 29, 2009

Pisces: ShamWow Of The Zodiac

Hi, it’s Vince for Pisces! You’ll be saying wow every time you get involved with one! It’s like a chamois! It’s like a towel! It’s like a sponge! Most people just can't soak up this much raw sentiment and guilt! Pisces holds twenty times its weight in tears. Look at this! (wrings Pisces out over a bucket labelled "Early Childhood Trauma") It just does the work!

Why would you want to work twice as hard, emotionally? You have issues? Pisces will soak 'em up. You can make it feel like it's all Pisces' fault, and Pisces wrings out good as new. (Bashes Pisces flat against the counter-top) Look at that! Completely dry and ready for more of the same!

Here’s some cola, anger, wine, infidelity, coffee, accusations, and pet stains. Whatever you bring home, Pisces will mop it up and come back for more. Take a Pisces home with you tonight! Marry one! Better yet: get one for your home, and keep one the side at the office. They'll both blame themselves for your bad behavior! You following me, camera guy? No other sign's gonna put up with your crap quite like that! Look! I just blamed my drug habit on Pisces... and Pisces takes it! And look, Pisces is still empathizing! It acts like a vacuum! And yet Pisces still thinks I'm cute! See what I’m telling ya?

Pisces! You’ll be saying: make mine Fishy!


Lucy said...

This Pisces says you can totally eat it. :)

Also, you forgot a line about, "You're gonna be spending a ton of money on a Leo or a Libra, you're throwing your money away. I dunno, it sells itself!"

FrauKlug said...

OuCh! Brutal man, just brutal...