Book Excerpt: Sun In Gemini

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Most scientists believe that life on Earth arose as a result of millions of years of random interactions, accidents, and happenstance. Thus, it appears that God is a Gemini.

The symbol for Gemini is The Twins. That leads many people to think Geminis have split personalities. This is an unfair characterization: most twins are able to agree on things and function together better than a lot of Geminis can. Gemini is the sign most likely to be told that they are over-thinking things. This is because they have a remarkable gift for seeing several sides of an issue at once, even if in fact there aren't any other sides. And often, Gemini is able to resolve and/or encompass contradictions better than most people. The primly dressed woman in the choir at church with the inverted pentagram tattoo on her ankle is probably a Gemini.

Geminis are prone to fidgeting, restlessness, nervousness, and biting their nails... interspersed with periods of quiet thoughtfulness, calm, and biting other people's nails. Telling a Gemini to "settle down" is a little like telling a peacock to stop showing off. Geminis are often popular -- the life of the party. If all of life were a party, Geminis would likely rule the world. As it stands though, most Geminis are barely able to rule themselves, let alone anyone else.

They make for gifted speakers, interesting teachers, and notorious swingers. They can be highly diplomatic when they put their minds to it, largely because they've had a lot of practice at thinking about which excuse for their behavior to present first.

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Career Day: Paula Abdul Leaves "American Idol" Just In Time For The Eclipse

It has been confirmed that Paula Abdul (born June 19, 1962, 2:32 PM, San Fernando California) is leaving American Idol. I wrote about Paula almost exactly a year ago, and figured that the processes that would lead to her leaving were coming to a peak in January of this year.

Although I don't follow Paula Abdul news that closely (she's already had her fair share of trouble with stalkers), I did find two stories of possible significance that happened in January of this year.

• Paula was being critical of the critical of the show in January. Or perhaps she wasn't. She was pretty evasive about her accusing Simon Cowell of defamation, among other things when later questioned on the matter, and changed the subject to something else entirely.

(Make up your own Gemini joke here, people.)

• Rumors started floating around that Paula might be getting her own talk show this year. Nothing solid has surfaced yet, but these things take time to develop.

So: we have difficult times with co-workers and the potential promise of greater personal glory. And what do we see for Paula's transits around the time of her announcement that she's leaving?

• Neptune and Jupiter (to a lesser extent) are trine her natal Sun while passing through her natal 5th House, and Uranus is squaring it from her Sixth House. Translation: "I feel really good about myself, except I'm not getting enough recognition at work."

• Her secondary progressed Sun is being conjuncted by the transiting Sun. Translation: "Look at me! Look at me!"

With all that Sun action going on, Paula's likely feeling good about things. Of course a cynic (or an astrologer) might have warned her about letting Ego issues get in the way of making wise decisions.

Her secondary progressed Venus is rolling into the exact square with her natal Sun. Translation: "Yes, I really do feel good about myself. Maybe excessively good."

As for today's Lunar Eclipse in Aquarius? It's squaring her natal Mars. Translation: "I'm going to spend the next while taking action, whether that action is well-thought-out or not."

Don't be surprised if in the next few days you hear some pronouncements from Paula about how everything is great. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be too surprised if he hear something fairly soon about that talk show, or some other major project that will make Paula bigger and better than ever.

Of course, I can't help but wonder if Paula's next major hint will be a star turn on "Celebrity Rehab."

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The Gemini Lesson, Presented In T-Shirt Form

I've spent a lot of time wandering around outside this weekend, due to a combination of excellent weather and restlessness, and for most of that time I've worn the same t-shirt. It's easily my finest German Industrial Metal t-shirt, featuring KMFDM'S "Godlike" (as shown above). And on the back, in big white letters, it says "I WILL PRAY!"

Canadians, being a fairly friendly lot, have been saying "hi" to me on the street a little more than usual. And often their reactions to me seem to be based on whether they approach me from the front or the back. People approaching me from the front seem to be commenting to me based on the assumption that I'm some sort of head-banging troublemaker with a taste for agitated music and social commentary. Those who approach me from behind (and who are confronted with "I WILL PRAY!") seem to be the more Spiritual/New Age-y/Good Christian Folks who assume that I am a fellow traveller in the ways of the Spirit. Those who approach me from the side just see the length of my hair, assume I'm some sort of hippie, and ask me if I know where I can buy some weed.

None of these people, of course, realize I am all of those things and more. If you find yourself really drawn to one of those things, you'd risk being tripped up and disappointed when you discovered one of those other sides.

I suspect there's a lesson about Geminis in all this, somehow.

Anyway, back to my weekend. For your enlightenment and entertainment, here are my Gemini files. Enjoy 'em twice!

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Both Sides Of The Issue: Your Gemini Love Quotes Of The Day

"I think it would be much better for the country and for him personally (to resign)..."

"If you had a chairman or president in the business world facing these allegations, he'd be gone."

"I think what he did in this matter was reprehensible... I feel very comfortable with my vote."

-South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, on his reasons for supporting the impeachment of Bill Clinton in the Monica Lewinsky affair.

“I’m committed to getting my heart right"

"I apologize to the people of South Carolina. There are many people out there right now who are hurt, angry and disappointed with me, and rightfully so. Over the time that I have left in office, I'm going to devote my energy to building back the trust the people of this state have placed in me”

-South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, after being busted sneaking out of the country (without his wife's knowledge) to go hang out with his Argentinian girlfriend.

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Classic MTA - Should I Stay Or Should I Go? The Gemini Guide To Compatibility

(Re-runs are a vital part of the television tradition... not welcome, not well-loved, but apparently an important part of the process. In that spirit, here`s my compatibility series again. Don't worry, the new stuff is coming.)

Welcome back to the exciting final round of "Should I Stay, Or Should I Go?"

Today's contestant, Gemini, is on the verge of walking away with the Grand Prize... true love! Now Gemini, all you have to do is answer one question correctly. The cash value of the question represents the degree of difficulty involved. Naturally, you might want to pick an easier Sign... but playing it safe all the time didn't get you as far as it has.

LIBRA ($200): If someone wants to go the same direction you want to go, but you're always going in two different directions at once, can they keep up?

AQUARIUS ($200): There's no question that you can be cool and dispassionate when you want to, knowing your partner will appreciate the affection when it comes later. But what if your partner has a chill schedule of his/her own?

ARIES ($400): If a train leaves Chicago traveling east at 50 miles per hours, and you want to go west, are you going to end up under this train instead of on it?

LEO ($400): If fun and passionate meet materialistic and possessive in a dark back alley, who will win the knife fight? And are you the darkened back alley?

SAGITTARIUS ($400): If two freedom fighters team up, and one of them changes flags every other day, how long until the two freedom fighters end up shooting each other, even by accident?

GEMINI ($600): If two people manage to travel in four directions at once, will either of them end up getting anywhere together, or everywhere?

VIRGO ($600): Emotionally, is X greater than Y, if Y equals Virgo? Solve for X. Having fun yet? Didn't think so. It's supposed to be a romance, not a math problem.

TAURUS ($800): If slow and steady wins the race, will you get tired of the prize and want to take up poker before you get to the finish line if you're riding a Bull?

CAPRICORN ($800): If a hot air balloon has a relative weight of -50 pounds, how many boulders will a Capricorn pile on to ground it until the balloon turns into just an empty bag that doesn't fly?

CANCER ($800): Which lasts longer: Cancer's ability to dive deep into the dark waters of over-emotionality, or your ability to hold your breath while they drag you down with them?

SCORPIO ($1000): How many times per day do you need to be told to mentally and verbally "get to the point" before you trade in your honeymoon tickets to Hawaii for a bus ticket to Anywhere But Here?

PISCES ($1000): (Two part question) 1) A bird may love a fish, but where would they live? 2) How long will it take two birds to either eat two fish, or drown?

Go ahead, Gemini... pick a Grand Prize question. Or. if you prefer, just spin the wheel. That approach seems to work for you too...

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Greeting Cards From The Mutable Signs Of The Zodiac

Gemini:

Virgo:

Sagittarius:

Pisces:

Astrological Snapshots: True Tales Of Anonymous Old Loves

I've wanted to write more about compatibility here, but I haven't given in to the temptation to talk about my own experiences. That didn't seem right somehow, given that talking about old relationships naturally means talking about the other person... and this isn't one of those blogs where I'm going to go on about specifics, like how Heppa The Icelandic Stripper promised me the world and then broke my heart. It's not my style to wave other people's dirty laundry around in public.

I've found a solution. Below you will find snapshots presented in random order -- brief extracts from the birth charts of some Significant Others -- and how that part of them interacted with me both astrologically and observably.

Should any of the exes mentioned here come across this blog, they'll probably recognize themselves. So, for you: you've been immortalized, in public, yet anonymously.

Isn't that cunning of me? You always loved my brainpower...


A:

Her Moon/Ascendant trines my Sun

Her Venus sextiles my Venus

Her Mars squares my Saturn

What fantastic buddies! What jolly partners in crime! Everything was great... but we fought. Neither of us wanted it, but the amazing energies released by Mars and Saturn always ended up coming out as anger and hostility in the end. We were like a nature film of two ants fighting, where one ant gets his head ripped off... but he keeps fighting anyway. Over and over and over...

Other than the frequent decapitations, it was great.

B:

Her North Node conjuncts my Sun

Her Venus squares my Venus

Her Moon/Uranus conjunction squares my Moon/Mars opposition

I think you saw in me everything that you ultimately wanted in a man. What I don't think you saw... and what I didn't want to admit I saw... is that we started off in different directions and never really grew together. Which is a shame, because in a world full of crazy people, your craziness was kind and decent. May your Soul Mate Quest end as magically as you deserve.

C:

Her Moon conjuncts my Moon (in Cancer)

Her Jupiter squares my Venus

Her Sun conjuncts my Uranus/Pluto conjunction

You're so sweet and so caring, and you love cookies as much as I do. And you are beautiful: beautiful enough to make a living from it, but too modest and shy to make a real go of it. Which is a shame, because that quality only makes you more beautiful. You wear it well, and it reflects what's inside you.

Too bad you thought I was completely nuts and unstable and I was completely NOT what your family wanted for you.

D:

Her Mercury/Mars/Jupiter conjunction sextiles my Moon/trines my Mars

Her Pluto EXACTLY opposes my Saturn

Oh God! Everything about us was fantastic, from the bedroom where it started into the wild strange world we discovered together. But we were doomed and unstable together... as doomed and unstable as we were as individuals at that time. But, out of everyone listed here... I still empathize with you most of all. Shine on, you crazy diamond.

E:

Her Sun squares my Moon and Mars

Her Neptune conjuncts my Sun

Her Saturn/South Node forms no aspects to anything in my chart

We certainly got each other's attention, and in many ways seemed to be the answer to each other's prayers. We were everything the other was looking for. And yet it had all the staying power of a house of cards in a hurricane, and the practical obstacles that could have been overcome looked like mountains, from my angle.

So I choked.

F:

Her Ascendant conjuncts my Sun

Her Mercury opposes my Saturn

Her Sun squares my Mercury/Nodes

Everything about us had a feeling of Destiny. When we first met, casual though it was, time stopped, like a flashback scene from Highlander. We had known each other before, and would know each other again. And on top of that, we both seemed to be exactly what the other needed, even if we could never really define it. But when you told me you loved me... it felt forced. And I needed that from you, more than anything. More than with anyone else.

Of course, what I really needed was a mother, and what you really needed was a husband.

Too bad for both of us we already had those.

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Things Go Wrong At The Gemini-Sagittarius Debate

MODERATOR: Thank you for joining us for the first in a series of debates for the leadership of the Zodiac. Tonight, Gemini and Sagittarius will discuss the issues. Sagittarius has won the coin toss --

SAGITTARIUS: Well, I do have the reputation for being lucky...

MOD: -- and will go first. Sag?

SAG: Thanks. A lot of people have complained that there is no real choice in this election. I'd like to take the time now to point out the many significant differences between myself and my opposing sign. First of all --

GEMINI: Bor-ing!

SAG: Beg your pardon?

GEM: You know, supposedly I have the reputation for being the yappy one. Two to one though says you've got ten minutes of material there about how you're all philosophical and stuff, and how I'm just "flighty."

SAG: Have you been reading my notes?

GEM: No, I just know you. I know how you can take one philosophical stance... whether you've really thought it through or not... and spin it into a long tale that sounds like it's all well thought out. But sometimes it isn't. And I'm calling you on it.

SAG: Listen, scatterbrain: you haven't thought out your positions well enough to call anyone on anything. I say you just catalogue data and then use that to argue against anyone who thinks differently from you.

GEM: And that's so different from you how, exactly?

SAG: I... you suck!

GEM: Yeah, well YOU suck!

MOD: Please, could we return to the debate please?

SAG: Who's the nimrod who hired Virgo to moderate this thing anyway?

GEM: Yeah. Virgo's kind of like us in a way, but they're so... Virgo-ish.

SAG: Yeah. They're that thing, that Virgo thing. They're so... they're like the intellectual hallway monitors of the Zodiac.

GEM: Good one, dude! (pauses) This debate sucks.

SAG: Yeah. Hey, wanna go drinking?

GEM: Sure, let's go. I'll drive.

SAG: No, I'll drive.

GEM: No, I'll drive!

SAG: No...

The Dark (K)Night Of Saturn: Morgan Freeman Takes A Hit

Not having a time of birth limits what an astrologer can tell you. But even without one, there are a lot of things an astrologer can see. Like for example: the truckload of hurt currently being dropped on Morgan Freeman by the planet Saturn.

Not only has Freeman recently been through a serious automobile accident recently, he is now involved in a divorce action with his wife, Myrna Colley Lee.

Man, talk about having a bad week.

If you have a look at the birth chart above, you'll probably notice two things. First of all, Pluto isn't really doing much to be the bad guy in this situation. In fact, given that the only major aspect it's performing on his birth chart now is a trine to his natal Venus, the divorce might in fact be a positive thing, ultimately. And Uranus and Neptune don't seem to be all that involved in the current mess either.

Secondly, Saturn is squaring Morgan's natal sun. This would be a vital clue in rectifying the birth chart. Given that, and the relatively weak opposition Saturn is making to the Moon, and an astrologer could easily start looking at a birth later in the evening, with a strong house placement for the Sun.

Although it conflicts with a late evening birth, I've always thought Morgan Freeman had a vaguely Leo-rising look. But it's always a mistake to base a rectification on just one or two bits of data.

As of yet, there is no word as to whether it was Morgan or Myrna who initiated the divorce action. Maybe Morgan took advantage of the recent Venus-Pluto trine to take out the trash in his love life. Or maybe Myrna has the same sense of public relations that that Hasbro has had of late. Either way, it hasn't been a good time in The House Of Freeman.

Morgan, if you're out there... I'd love to help. Unfortunately, I only have one celebrity freebie to give out, and it is still reserved for Kat Von D, who is currently dating Nikki Sixx from Motley Crue.

Nikki, by the way, is a Sagittarius like me. It's a step in the right direction, Kat, but I'm still waiting for your call...

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Crazy/Genius: Prince The Gemini Is Both

Although Prince (formerly known as Formerly Known As) has been on the charts since the early 1980s, he continues to produce the same thoughtful, introspective, wildly shag-worthy music he always did. Like many artists (Cyndi Lauper comes to mind), he has produced consistently excellent work, but mainstream sales haven't always reflected this.

One thing most people don't know about Prince is that he is, at times, a business genius as well. After all, only a lunatic would give away three million copies of his new CD with the Sunday paper in London, right? That's even worse than not selling albums... that's guaranteeing a loss. The same would apply just as surely to Prince, who did just that a few years ago. Except of course afterwards he played twenty one sold-out concerts in London alone as a result.

I don't know how much you paid for concert tickets last time you went... but I'm willing to bet our Gemini (June 7, 1958, 6:17 PM, Minneapolis MN) friend made a mountain off of money off the deal.

So I have to wonder what's behind Prince's recent unprecedented Internet rampage to eliminate all unauthorized images of himself and all trace of his music. Being worried about losing out because someone downloaded your song for free is one thing... but demanding a woman remove her home video of a toddler dancing to "Let's Go Crazy"? Jeez.

Prince has Pluto right smack on his Midheaven, opposite his moon. Right there we have a recipe for emotional volatility, and given the Midheaven's involvement, this is going to come out in the career. This is the sort of guy who can pull off a genius marketing ploy like the London giveaway. This is also the sort of guy who, at the peak of his fame, could suddenly change his name to a weird symbol with no proper pronouciation, thus leading to a spate of "The Artist Formerly Known As..." jokes.

Transiting Pluto is trining that natal Pluto/Midheaven now. Normally, most astrologers would say that this is a time when Prince would be making radical moves for the better in his career. Trying to get rid of every unauthorized trace of yourself on the Internet is certainly radical... but I wouldn't normally think that threating your biggest fans with legal action is so good for business. Then again, I would have thought giving your album away was nuts. Either way, the Pluto transit is adding plenty of fuel to the fire. In time, we'll see whether the Genius or the Lunatic wins the battle, this time around. Although with Saturn currently squaring his natal Mercury... which also rules his Eighth House Sun... and transiting Uranus squaring that Sun... I think the smart money may be on "lunatic."

Since it's pretty much impossible to find any Prince on the Internet these days, here's a squirrel on water skis:

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Dear Virgo...

You know, Virgo, probably one of your greatest gifts is that people... often the right people... seem to be drawn to you when you're worried about stuff. It's that sweet little vaguely-worried look (kind of like a dachshund trying to fish a toy out from under the couch) that draws out the nurturing in others. And you certainly do worry a lot, my dear. I know you may not like that analogy, but face it: everyone loves wiener dogs. That perpetually worried look is half the reason. The other half is that they just don't seem to realize how adorable they are.

You may have heard about the September 11th eclipse coming up. September 11th could even be your birthday, and we all know how that particular date has been screwed up. Now you know how all those Capricorn kids felt getting screwed out of birthday presents at Christmas.

Everyone gets all panicky over eclipses. You've heard the stories about the ancients running outside and yelling at that dragon to stop eating the sun or the moon. Sensible thing that you are, I hope you keep this in mind. Sure, it's a lunar eclipse in your sign, Virgo... and yes, Saturn just rolled into your neighborhood. And Uranus opposes you, and Mars and Jupiter and Pluto are all squaring you. But I have nothing but the greatest confidence in you. You've survived worse, and did so in good form.

Astrologically, I've found that an eclipse has a diffuse effect spread out over the time between eclipses: in other words, the jack-in-the-box is unlikely to spring that day, but sensitizes that spot in the Zodiac, possibly contributing to other transits afterwards, or even beforehand.

Besides, another great gift you have is the gift of breaking it all down into manageable chunks and dealing with the crap life hands you. Relax. Enjoy. Breathe. It's gonna be all right, babe.

As for that Sagittarius who keeps flirting with you at work, and that Gemini who always talks to you in the elevator? Now those guys are gonna find this transit tricky. And you're good at the caring-and-consolation thing. Maybe that's why they keep flirting with you, despite being told by too many astrologers that you two would just never work out together.

So get ready to be (heavy sigh) of service again this September 11th. And if the Sagittarius gets there first, wear that little nurse's uniform you had on last Halloween. We Saggies love that stuff.

A Year's Worth Of Gemini (Please Read Twice)

Isn't it great being a Gemini? All that charm, that mental flexiblity, that ability to see both sides of the issue... you are the wonders of the Zodiac. Take a bow.

Of course, you probably knew that the Universe didn't hand you a V8 Twin with dual exhaust just so you can sit in the driveway. The last few years have likely been crazy times in your love life, and in your closest relationships in general. It's probably been all racetrack, no finish line for you. The good news here is that Pluto -- the planet that most enjoys testing your nerves -- is finally moving out of Sagittarius this January, which is your Seventh House of close relationships...

(Be a dear and phone ahead and warn Cancer, would you?)

...and into your Eight House, which rules (among other things) sex and Other People's Money. I know you didn't want to hear that, but the truth is that it's time for some real changes. Think back to the last three or four years of your relationships. What have you learned? What have you endured? Likely a lot in both cases. Being aware of this will give you the perspective to handle the upcoming period of changes with the flexibility we've come to expect from you. The fluctuations really start hitting in January and February, and (as fluctuations go) it's likely to have a good feeling, at least at first. Just remember: whether it's an investment plan or a bedmate we're talking about, take the time to read the fine print... otherwise you'll find yourself wondering what the hell you've signed yourself up for, come April and May.

If it's new romance you're looking for, get ready to put the moves on someone next March and April.

Most Geminis need to keep an eye on some solid, old-fashioned, boring details... eating properly, getting enough rest, and that sort of thing. I know that doesn't sound very exciting, but be particularly cautious around those details of daily living in June and July. I know you like overtaxing yourself... just be careful. You've probably let a few departments of your life slide this spring, and when the inspiration comes to tackle these things you might be at risk of burn-out. December is also traditionally "party season," and no party is complete without a few Geminis around. But all my naggy warnings about routine, being careful, et cetera are doubled for the second half of December. In your case, that means I've warned you four times... which is probably enough. Maybe.

Oh, never mind. I forgot who I was talking to there, for a minute. Just go have a good time, let the Capricorns do the driving for you, and Merry Hangover!

September looks to be a fantastic time to get your thoughts and feelings out in a more organized, effective form.

The ongoing work/career uncertainty is likely to be ongoing throughout the year. My advice? Warm up the resume and start sending it out in November and December. Most experts would tell you those are weak times to be looking for a job. I say: you're a Gemini. You can be your OWN expert if you put your mind to it. If you are looking for a more creative endeavour, or plan on going out on a limb and shooting for self-employment, make the effort in February and March.

I know better than to tell you (or any Gemini) what to do with your life. Just sit back, take in everything I've said, and let it all percolate. Then you can re-word it how you like and take full credit for the profound insights yourself. And, of course, I'll let you away with it. I'm such a sucker for that eye-batting Gemini charm...