Do I contradict myself?Very well, then I contradict myself,
I am large, I contain multitudes.
-Walt Whitman
(SCENE: The Interview Room. MATTHEW THE ASTROLOGER sits behind the desk. There is a knock at the door and it opens. MERCURY IN THE FIFTH enters the room at a brisk pace and sits down in front of the desk.)
M5H: Hey! Yo! Guten Tag! Whassup?
MTA: Hello. You're a bit late.
M5H: Sorry, I couldn't find my keys.
MTA: I'm sorry, aren't you closely conjunct South Node? You came by yourself.
M5H: (Cocks his ear as if listening to something sitting on his left shoulder, then responds) South Node says he's a "shadow planet" in Vedic astrology and doesn't operate quite like the other guys.
MTA: Ah, I see. I'd like to ask you a few questions about your experience.
M5H: Certainement! I love a good question and answer session.
MTA: First of all, you're in the Fifth House. How do you feel this affects your self expression?
M5H: Oh, lots and lots of ways! Like for example, I can write Haiku at the drop of a hat:
Google hits are down
Blog written Sunday morning
Untalented hack.
See? I just made that up right now!
MTA: (clears throat) All right, then. I've noticed your placement, especially with the South Node, sometimes favours excessive drinking. Or drug use.
M5H: (Listening to the invisible presence on his shoulder again, then leans in and speaks quietly to MTA) Why? Whaddaya got?
MTA: Never mind. You know, Mercury in Sagittarius, being opposite Gemini which it rules, is generally considered to be a "debilitated" placement. Kind of scattered and imprecise. It has certain gifts though, like a talent for languages...
M5H: I disagree. My extensive search of the Rodden astrological database shows many important scientists, researchers, and writers have that placement. (searching through pockets) ¡Hijo de puta! Where did I leave those keys?
MTA: I'm sorry, I don't think this is getting me anywhere. You've been pretty scattered and unfocused.
M5H: (Listening to South Node again) We have an excellent collection of love letters we've written, you know. Would you like to see some?
MTA: Right... Fifth House. No thank you. You can go now.
M5H: (leaving angrily) Stinking gadjo!
(MTA returns to writing his notes. After a couple of minutes, the door opens again and M5H pokes his head in)
M5H: Umm... did I leave my keys in here...?
(Part of the "Personal Planets" series. Click HERE to collect 'em all!)
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