Sorry, wrong number. (click)
Hi, Mom! Happy Mother's Day!
Still the wrong number. (click)
Wait. Mom: This time before you hang up, there's something I have to say. I've been talking to a therapist about my abandonment issues I got when I was a kid, and well... I just wanted you to know that I understand. I now appreciate where you were coming from all those years. I know that you were really just doing the best you could under the circumstances, and that you were emotionally starved that whole time you were raising me... or thought you were raising me... and the point I guess I'm trying to make here is --
...IS THAT I FORGIVE YOU! Whew. There. I said it.
Listen pal: I don't know who you think you're calling, but my name is Frank.
I knew that. I just called because I felt it had to be said. My actual Mother won't even answer the phone. So... Happy Mother's Day, Frank!