Thursday, October 4, 2007

Romantic Saturn? Age Differences And Relationships

One of the more common situations I face in the course of my work as an astrologer is what I've come to think of as "age panic." By this I don't mean agonizing over wrinkles or grey hair. Here's how it usually goes:

CLIENT: I just don't get it! He's so nice, thoughtful, kind, intelligent, sexy... but I should run like hell!

ME: That's funny, you two look pretty compatible.

CLIENT: We are... but he's so young!

Over the years I've noticed more and more clients facing exactly this sort of situation, where a five year (or more) age gap is making the client nervous. The only thing that really surprises me that much is when the younger party is the female, as was once traditionally the case.

A lot of women out there are worrying their relationships to death over an age gap. Maybe they're afraid they're going to look like this weirdo.

Once you've decided that something is a problem, it becomes more of a problem, whether it's really a problem or not. If your boyfriend forgets your birthday, it's because men are often thoughtless with that sort of thing. But if your much-younger boyfriend does the same thing... he's an immature punk and you should know better.

When it comes to comparing two people in a relationship, astrologically, age shouldn't be a factor. If someone's Ascendant is conjunct your Venus, you're going to think that person is cute, whether he or she is an infant or elderly or anything in between.

Sometimes an age gap can even be beneficial in a relationship. A five year gap can lead to one person's Saturn sextiling the other's. A nine or ten (or 18-20) year age difference can make for two Saturns that trine each other. A fourteen year gap can make for a Saturn opposition... something that makes most Western astrologers nervous, but ask any Vedic astrologer (the people who have been hooking up arranged marriages for the last thousand years, by the way) what he/she thinks of it.

Saturn may not be the most romantic planet out there, but it can lend an incredible degree of support and durability to a relationship. And too often good relationships fall apart for a lack of it.

I don't know what to ascribe this trend towards "older-women" relationships to. Something in the water? Some kind of MILF virus? Beats me. All I know is that, when all is said and done, when there's difficulties in a relationship because of an age gap, the age gap itself is rarely the problem.

Or, as I explained to the parent of the last eyebrow-raisingly young girlfriend I had... "I'm not robbing the cradle, she's robbing the grave..."


Pat said...

OK, we have to get a comment from Neith. She's the authority when it comes to Saturn in synastry.

I don't see age as a problem, either, although I definitely understand the client's concern and believe that all relationship fears need to be talked through. As for me personally, I have a policy of not dating a man who hasn't been through his mid-life crisis yet. A practical matter, actually, because if they're going to start looking for a younger model, that's when it usually happens. I want him to have gotten that out of his system.

Have you ever thought of selling your collection of monkey pictures on E-bay? They are too funny! Unfortunately, most of those little guys are in captivity. Well, except for yesterday's ...

Diane L said...

Gee, my Aries is six years younger than I . . . :-) And almost all my men were younger by anywhere from 2 to 12 years. It was the guys that were older than I that had me grinding my teeth & throwing them out the door, Scorpio style (that's with a boot in the a**) :-)

Anonymous said...

I just had to comment b/c this made me laugh. I've spent the last 2 1/2 years involved in a non-romantic but quite intense relationship with a man who is twenty years my junior. Not only are our Saturns trine, but his Saturn is conjunct my Pluto which squares my Sun-Venus opposite Moon (his Saturn exactly squares my Moon). Yikes. We can't figure out how to be with each other comfortably, but we can't quite let it go either.

His Saturn opposes his Sun and squares his Moon, so in some ways he's always seemed the older of the two of us. Certainly, he's the more serious of the two.

Interestingly enough, the only other man I've been attracted to in this time period has his Saturn exactly opposite my Sun. Yikes, again.

I wonder if me being attracted to all of this Saturn all of a sudden has anything to do with transiting Pluto conjoining my natal Saturn? I've looked at past relationships and haven't really noticed Saturn playing a role. Of course, the natal Neptune of each of them contacts my personal planets as well (in the 1st case, Neptune is conjunct my Mercury/Saturn conjunction (and Mercury is my chart ruler), while in the 2nd case, his Neptune is conjunct my Sun). Just to add to the confusion, Neptune is currently transiting my MC and square my Mars. Whee.

At any rate, thanks for the laugh. I'm happy to learn I'm not the only woman out there finding herself attracted to men who (at least according to societal expectations) are much too young for them. :)

Anonymous said...

I linked over from elsaelsa. You are so funny.

Anonymous said...

I find ur blog good reading, but women dating younger men (younger by 10 years or more) yucky, desperate and overly sexual ! Getting attracted to something because of venus conjunct ascendant is something, but acting upon any and every attraction is not so desirable. Just because everything's on sale doesnt mean one has to shop till bankruptcy! Hmmm! What's the world coming to? Now what position of planets is making me think that way?

Matthew The Astrologer said...

Maybe you've just shopped int he wrong market, akb. ;)

vicky said...

i was in love with a lady who is 4 years elder than me. I always liked matured ladies when it comes to relationships ( i haven't had many) In my chart my ascendant lord is in conju with saturn and my 5th lord venus is in aqua.