Showing posts with label jupiter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jupiter. Show all posts

Monday, June 20, 2011

Conquer Your Week With Astrology - June 20-25, 2011

Give me five minutes, I'll give you the week ahead! This week: getting the most out of the Jupiter-Pluto trine.

Please excuse the heavy construction noises...






Check out my show! If you like what you hear... there's more to come in the future! Please feel free to drop by and visit my Donations Page. It's what keeps me going and, and you might just get a surprise...
And yes, I still send free stuff to everyone who writes me!
If you're new to this blog, here's a sample of my previous shows and blog entries. Enjoy!


Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Jupiter In Taurus And A Solar Eclipse!

Today on a special Wednesday edition of "Conquer The Universe With Astrology": Jupiter enters Taurus. How will affect you in the coming year? PLUS: It's Solar Eclipse Day! How will this affect you personally?



Check out my show! If you like what you hear... there's more to come in the future! Please feel free to drop by and visit my Donations Page. It's what keeps me going and, and you might just get a surprise...
And yes, I still send free stuff to everyone who writes me!
If you're new to this blog, here's a sample of my previous shows and blog entries. Enjoy!


Thursday, March 24, 2011

Free Curse Removal! The Jupiter-Saturn Opposition

You know those scams where some fake psychic claims you have a curse, and for X number of dollars he/she will "remove" it? Well, that's a great way to make a lot of money for little work, but that isn't my style. Tonight on "Conquer The Universe With Astrology" I'll be discussing the current Jupiter-Saturn opposition and its effects on you. Plus, give me a call at (323) 443-7252 and I'll answer your questions!

And if I DO remove your curse... or if you just appreciate the show and the advice, feel free to drop by and visit my Donations Page. And no, I won't hex you if you don't.

10 PM Eastern, 7 PM Pacific


Check out my show! If you like what you hear... there's more to come in the future! Please feel free to drop by and visit my Donations Page. It's what keeps me going and, and you might just get a surprise...

And yes, I still send free stuff to everyone who writes me!


If you're new to this blog, here's a sample of my previous shows and blog entries. Enjoy!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Brunch With Jupiter In Aries

Today at a special time...1 PM Eastern (10 AM Pacific), on a special edition of "Conquer The Universe With Astrology," my guest will be astrologer Maria DeSimone of Insightful Astrology! Here's a sample of some of her intriguing take on astrology (hold the Ophiuchus):



Click HERE to listen live or set a reminder... and bring your own croissants.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Jupiter Retrograde: Santa Claus Vs. The Martians

It seems to me that one of astrology's ironies is that the largest planet in our solar system often seems to get ignored... at least, relative to its size. If you read up on what Jupiter rules and how it behaves in a birth chart, you'd think it would be overwhelmingly popular: it rules happiness, good times, good fortune, spiritual activities, committed relationships... all things that even people who aren't on an astrology dating site are looking for. It might be an over-simplification to call Jupiter a "cosmic Santa Claus," but that captures some of the planet's feel. Well, at least... it's a lot more "Santa" than Saturn or Pluto are ever likely to be...



Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Can Sarah Palin See Neptune From Her House?


Forgive me for a moment if this entry veers too far into political territory for your tastes (or the wrong political territory) -- but Sarah Palin is once more providing an excellent example of how astrological transits (specifically, the ongoing presence of Jupiter and Neptune in Aquarius) can really mess with a person's judgement.

Although we don't know what time Ms. Palin was born at (February 11, 1964, Sandpoint Idaho), it's immediately obvious that what's driving her birth chart is her Sun-Mars-Saturn stellium in Aquarius, clustered between 22 and 25 degrees of that sign. That's where Jupiter has been between April and August 2009, and is within range of there again now.

Jupiter brings a lot of bounce and enthusiasm to whatever part of your birth chart it contacts. In Ms. Palin's case, this applies to her Ego (the Sun), her Drives (Mars), and her sense of Order (Saturn). And certainly, it's been a busy, bouncy, enthusiastic time for her. In May, she signed a book deal for a major advance. Then in June she decided to quit her job as Governor of Alaska with a year and a half to go on the job... which is pretty optimistic of her (optimism is a Jupiter thing too). And overall, she's managed to stay in the national spotlight and stay well-loved by her fan base, despite political defeat.

Neptune has also been hovering in that sector of the sky, as it has since December 2007. Neptune has an interesting effect on the birth chart. It rules things like spirituality and higher consciousness. But no planet is an entirely positive thing: Neptune also rules delusion and self-deception. One way or another, Neptune tends to cloud the judgement.

During this same period of time, Sarah Palin has endorsed a virtually-unknown third party candidate "who can't answer some basic questions" about his local politics, thus splitting the right-wing vote and costing Sarah's party a seat in Congress they have held since "jail" was spelled "gaol."

She also continues to publicly rumble with 19-year-old hockey player Levi Johnston, despite his ongoing claims to know some as-yet-unrevealed Palin family secrets that might "get her in trouble and could hurt her." The standard way to handle this sort of thing in politics would be to dismiss the whole matter as the ramblings of a 19-year-old hockey player who is only seeking attention (watch for his upcoming appearance in Playgirl).

But perhaps the most telling sign that Neptune is messing with Ms. Palin's functions? The Death Panel business.

America is currently struggling with the rightness of legislation that would give it public health care, which most of the civilized world already has. For various reasons, most right-wing politicians (who will be the first to declare that America is The Greatest Country On Earth) are of the opinion that Americans having anything better than the 38th Greatest Life Expectancy on Earth while paying The Greatest Health Care Bills On Earth is "socialism"...

...but like I said, this is about astrology, not politics...

Anyway: said legislation contains a provision for covering "end of life counseling." This means that, whereas private insurers will often deny hospice coverage to terminally ill patients (there's little profit to be had from soon-to-be-dead folks), the public coverage wouldn't leave these people on the side of the road to die the old-fashioned way.


-That's not at all what the legislation says
-Nowhere on Earth with publicly-funded health care has such a thing
-That would require legalizing euthanasia, which the legislation doesn't do
-Private health insurance does exactly that on a de facto basis by sometimes denying life-saving treatment.

Fortunately for the sake of intelligent, civilized discourse, she soon thereafter backed down from her fairly ludicrous statements, saying that "we must stick to a discussion of the issues and not get sidetracked by tactics that can be accused of leading to intimidation or harassment."

But then, mavericky creature that she is, Ms. Palin has recently returned to the mythical Death Panels as a reason to reject public health insurance, thus contradicting both what the legislation actually says and herself.

Like I said: Neptune tends to cloud the judgement.

Of course, I could point out that all this cloudy judgement is simply a more ham-fisted-than-usual example of how certain political stripes have attempted to gain and retain power via overly-simplistic fear-mongering... but I won't. After all, I'm just an astrologer. It's my job to point out the effects of the planets... not to point out the obvious.


..

Monday, June 8, 2009

Jupiter Amplifies Neptune: Laura Ling And Euna Lee In A North Korean Prison

There is a perfectly good reason why you won't find a whole lot of astrology articles out there about North Korea, despite their nuke-swinging swagger of late and their arrest of two American journalists.

-No one knows for sure where or when Kim Jong-il was born (Various sources disagree on the year and the place -- it may have been in the Soviet Union).
-North Korea itself has no less that three official birth days: March 1, 1919, August 15, 1945, and September 9, 1948. Even worse: the Rodden database (the gold standard of astrological data) gives September 12th, 1948 as the "date of birth." This would make it a Virgo with Moon in Capricorn... which I can believe, even if there's nothing to back it.
-I can't even find reliable birth data for US journalists Laura Ling and Euna Lee, who were recently sentenced to twelve years hard labor in a North Korean prison for illegally crossing the border from China into North Korea under mysterious circumstances.

North Korea is perhaps the biggest black box in modern political history. I've had a perverse interest in the place for a while now, and take my word for it -- they make Maoist China look like Sweden when it comes to openness and transparency. So, on some level, the secrecy and confusion and misdirection makes perfect sense. So, it's perhaps not surprising that the People's Republic, led by The Dear Leader, is in the news. Jupiter amplifies any planet it comes in contact with, and it's currently conjunct Neptune, easily the weirdest and most delusional planet in the astrological tool kit.

Having said that: I'm at as much of a loss to tell you what's going on as anyone and everyone else on the planet is. And what little I know... as with everyone else... scares the hell out of me.

Happy Jupiter-Neptune conjunction, everyone!

.

.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Are You There, God? It's Me... An Astrologer

Hi again. As per my previous blog entry, I'm still pounding away on the book and on my other projects, as per the handy widget on the right side of the blog. I'm also bringing back The Amazing Surprise Ten Buck Forecast Experiment and, although Version One was incredibly popular, this time it's back with a slightly improved twist. Check it out if you haven't seen it before... it's pretty cool, even if I do say so myself.

***

We are now experiencing a conjunction between Jupiter and Neptune, which is something that only hits about once every twelve years. The ideal way to deal with this -- the fusion of philosophy and mysticism -- would probably be to go off into the woods, eat some mushrooms, and hallucinate a new direction in life.

Unfortunately, modern society doesn't tend to encourage the consumption of hallucinogens, even if it's in an important and time-honored spiritual context. And even if your boss does let you have the time off, good luck getting your medical coverage to pay for the psilocybin. 

So I've decided to provide the best substitute for you I can come up with on a blog. Achieve Enlightenment now... thank me later.

***

For a moment, please contemplate your own, deep down, personal answer to the following question:

Is there a God? Even if you aren't all that sure, odds are good that your answer will tend to either a "yes" or a "no." Either way, think about it for a moment. 

Got that? Good. Now, ponder the following two statements carefully, in light of your answer:

IF YOU BELIEVE IN GOD: There is not a single decent shred of scientific evidence out there anywhere for the existence of a Supreme Being. What little we do know about the birth, formation, and operation of the Universe does not require a Prime Mover, Creator, or Guiding Force. And what little we know about these things is not in line with the literal word of any of the scriptures of any of the major religions... or even of any of the minor ones, so far as I know. Go ahead: ask any physicist you know whether or not they believe in God. If that physicist says "yes," then ask him/her if any of the evidence in any way, shape or form unambiguously backs that contention. Unless your physicist is a graduation of one of those "universities" founded by a preacher, the answer is going to be "no." (If you physicist buddy did graduate from Sacred Pentecost Tax Shelter U., ask about how Adam and Eve and the dinosaurs all lived together in The Garden Of Eden. What follows next should be good for a few laughs if you know anything at all about science. Or logic.)

Inescapably, all reason and evidence points to the utterly unnecessary nature of a Creator.

IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD: If you were God, and were going to have a child (The Universe)... wouldn't you want that child to be as self-sufficient as possible?

***

There you have it. Contemplate until you achieve Enlightenment. And sorry I gave you work to do... this sort of thing is so much easier when there are mushrooms involved...

.

.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Some Things To NOT Expect From Jupiter In Aquarius

Sure. We let 'em onto our planet, and the first thing they do is run out and get driver's licenses.

-The world will NOT suddenly recognize that the business of a government is not "business," but is in fact caring for the well being of its citizens.

BUT governments around the world are putting aside the laissez-faire philosophy that got us into the current economic mess and are getting back to the notion that money is meant to be spent on people, not on more money.

-Technological advances will NOT suddenly enable you to live an extra 200 years, and The Internet will not suddenly spring to life, Terminator-style,

BUT the US switchover to digital-only TV (originally scheduled for February this year) has been rescheduled for July 1st... during a close Jupiter-Neptune conjunction. Translation: despite plenty of advance notice, the process is likely to be a confused mess, somehow.

-We will NOT be contacted by a benevolent species of extraterrestrial life who will give us the technology and the wisdom to bail our pathetic monkey asses out of the mess we've made of ourselves and the planet.

BUT you can expect more signs of life on Mars, like the recently uncovered mystery of the Red Planet's methane levels, which peak in the summer... like it was being produced by life...

The governments of the world will NOT suddenly stop and realize that, more often than not, killing your enemies doesn't actually get rid of your enemies.

BUT it appears the Israelis have stopped attacking the Gaza. Mostly.

So: I remain optimistic.

One sign that there will be at least some change because of Jupiter in Aquarius: after two years of blogging, I'm finally using this video. Forgive me.

-

-

Monday, September 15, 2008

Jupiter In Gemini In The Twelfth, Retrograde: An Interview (Sort Of)

"Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so, Brain, but this time, you put the trousers on the chimp."

-Pinky And The Brain

(SCENE: The Interview Room. MATTHEW THE ASTROLOGER sits behind the desk. There is a knock at the door.)

MTA: Come in.

(The door opens and a Marching Band files into the room. Instead of the usual brass instruments, woodwinds, and drums, they are equipped with harmonicas, kazoos, and washboards. They are followed by a Chorus of singers, dressed as fast food restaurant employees. Finally, JUPITER IN GEMINI IN THE TWELFTH enters, dressed in an improbably garish costume and carrying a wombat under his arm. J12H clears his throat and gestures to the band. They begin to play "The Major-General's Song" from Gilbert and Sullivan's "The Pirates Of Penzance." J12H sets the wombat down, which then stands on its hind legs, holding sparklers in its forepaws, and dances.)

J12H (singing):

I am your Twelfth House retrograded Jupiter in Gemini
I thought I'd take the time out just to drop in then I'd say "hi"
I'm complex to communicate but I will give it all a try
Here's hoping that you find it educational but not too dry
Although it is my job to be the king of Sagittarius
With Gemini results are often scattered and ridiculous
I have the attention span of approximately a tsetse fly
And it is my job to rule your Sun, South Node, and Mercur-eye!

CHORUS:

And it is his job to rule your Sun, South Node, and Mercur-eye!
And it is his job to rule your Sun, South Node, and Mercur-eye!
And it is his job to rule your Sun, South Node, and Mercur-ercur-eye!

J12H:

In your birth chart you will note that that I am quite unaspected
Scattering my thoughts about and common sense, it gets deflected
My zest for life I find it often outstrips all my cash supply
I am your Twelfth House retrograded Jupiter in Gemini!

CHORUS:

His zest for life, he finds it often outstrips all his cash supply!
He is your Twelfth House retrograded Jupiter in Gemini!

J12H:

You'll find I'm well versed in most matters that are zodiacal
Tropical, sidereal and sometimes heliocentrical
In rulership I command your liver, thighs and pituitary
All three of which you'll find are things that can get hairy
Your Mercury and I, we are in a mutual reception
And we rule each other, fuel each other, that isn't a deception
Amplifying each other's functionalities, we often say
I'm not sure what that means but we can talk about it all the day!

CHORUS:

He's not sure what that means but he can talk about it all the day!
He's not sure what that means but he can talk about it all the day!
He's not sure what that means but he can talk about it all the live long day!

(The Marching Band continues, but J12H gestures for them to stop, which they do. MTA stares disapprovingly at J12H.)

J12H: (Unimpressed) Well, you aren't much of an audience today, are you? I may not be the best-placed planet in your chart, but at least I have style. Hmph.

(The Marching Band files out of the room, followed by the Chorus. J12H bows theatrically, and also leaves. The Wombat tosses the burned-out sparklers aside and returns to all fours.)

MTA: That was just silly and scattered.

WOMBAT: I quite agree.

(Part of the "Personal Planets" series. Click HERE to collect 'em all!)
.

.