Monday, March 30, 2009

Public Embarassment - Saturn and Neptune Bring Dick Cheney's Hit Squad To Light

When you have Virgo rising (ruled by Mercury), and your Mercury is in Aquarius in the Sixth House, people won't generally see you as a sympathetic character, especially when it comes to your approach to how you do your job. And when transiting Neptune is conjuncting that Mercury, and the transiting Moon is squaring your Ascendant, and Saturn is passing through your First House, don't be too surprised if some of your less-than-ethical job practices are revealed to the public.

...Kind of like right now for former US Vice President Dick Cheney. The story about JSOC, Dick Cheney's private Death Squad which I discussed here two weeks ago, and which was at first completely ignored or dismissed as left-wing lunacy, is finally on CNN.

Saturn and Neptune aren't done with Dick yet. Stay tuned.

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Friday, March 27, 2009

Sun-Mars-Saturn Square Neptune: You're Not Crazy... You're Just Glenn Beck

Dear Glenn:

Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to respond to my Amazing Surprise Forecast Offer. It is heartening that a big-time celebrity took time out of his schedule to write to a lil' ol' astrologer like myself.

There are two things I'd like to say about your birth chart. First of all, it says here you were born February 10th, 1964 in Mount Vernon, Washington. However you didn't forward a time of birth. That's okay. Even without a time of birth, there are some things that really stand out about your birth chart.

Your Sun-Mars-Saturn conjunction in Aquarius is really prominent. And it is squared by your natal Neptune. Now, there are those out there who might say this makes you crazy. I'm not one of those people. I know those weird close-ups on your eyes, your perpetually being on the edge of rage and/or tears, your throwing things at the camera, and your thoughtful opinions on Rod Blagojevich's upcoming book ("I swear to God, I am going to hunt you down and kill you like a dog") are merely a part of your persona as a serious, um, journalist.

The best thing about what you do though is, hands down, "War Room." In past I have been entertained by your denial of a human role in Global Warming, your tribute to the final days of Dubya ("a job well done Mr. President"), and your comparison of Al Gore to Hitler ("Al Gore's not going to be rounding up Jews and exterminating them. It is the same tactic, however. The goal is different. The goal is globalization. The goal is global carbon tax. That is the goal. Back in the 1930s, the goal was get rid of all of the Jews and have one global government.") Of all the talking heads on TV, yours seems to be the one that best understands that a day without a spurious Hitler analogy is like a day without sunshine. And that secret FEMA concentration camp for right-wingers? My great-grandfather would have loved that, had he not in fact been killed in an actual concentration camp.

But, "War Room"? Pure fantastic awesomeness! Taking paranoid right-wing delusions and projecting them into a future where "New York City looks like Mexico City" because everything is run either by The Government or Unions? This is exactly what the news needs. Investigation and research are... let's be honest here... boring. What the news really needs is more journalism of your kind. I am hoping that in future segments you and your Fox News consultants cover other vital areas of inquiry that the Liberal Media is afraid to touch. Things like "Superman Vs. The Hulk: Who Would Win?" and "Betty Or Veronica: Who Would America Rather Nationalize?"

And secondly... for God's sake (and mine), please: I'll do your forecast. For free! Hell, I'll wax your car for you. I just have one request:

Please, please, please... never say anything in public about being a "believer" in astrology. Someone might find out, and we astrologers need all the credibility we can get.

Yours truly,

Matthew Currie

PS: Did you know that Barack Obama was born with his Sun conjunct the asteroid Lucifer? Better find a Fox News consultant who can fill you in on all the spookiness that implies. Sorry, not me though. It's that credibility thing, you know.

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Thursday, March 26, 2009

Sun Conjunct Venus, Square Pluto: The Musical!

Tired of the lack of progress in your love life? Take charge.

And, consequences be damned. here's a little inspiration from "Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog":

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Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Nadya "Octomom" Suleman: The Birth Chart


At last, we have an official time of birth for Nadya Suleman... thank you, Femscorpia, wherever you are...

I've already had a look at how Nadya's chart interacts (or, more interestingly, doesn't interact) with the charts of her fourteen children in my previous entries on the matter. Now that we have a time of birth for Nadya, we can have a proper look at her birth chart. And again, my warning: everybody on Earth has heard her story by now, and has had a chance to pre-judge her and her situation. I'm going to do my level best to avoid that... but you've been warned.

First of all, her physical appearance: there have been a lot of rumors that Nadya has had plastic surgery. Although she denies it, a review of older pictures tends to support that notion. It should be noted though that she does have Aquarius rising, ruled by Uranus in the 8th House. This can make for... I don't want to say an "odd" appearance, but that's sometimes how it plays out. And her looks do have a certain... oddness... going for them, which could at least lead to accusations of plastic surgery. She has big dewy eyes, which is no less than what I would expect from someone who has a Moon/Venus conjunction aspecting the ascendant.

Nadya has Jupiter in Aries in the 2nd House... good luck with money. Aries is ruled by Mars, which is also in the 2nd House. That Mars is in Taurus, which is noted for its fondness for money and material possessions. It is, in turn, is ruled by Venus in the 7th House, conjunct the moon.

(Suddenly, her ability to talk someone she cares about out of the money for plastic surgery and unnecessary in vitro treatment makes perfect sense.)

This may explain the ease with which she dismissed the services of Angels In Waiting, the free nursing service who volunteered to help out with the octuplets. She accused them of "spying" on her... classic Cancer paranoia. Based on her birth data, I'd say Nadya has had no problem talking others out of their money in past, so probably isn't all that concerned about her ability to find different free help elsewhere. It's just a shame Dr. Phil ended up spending as much screen time as he did pitching his audience for donations to the organization. Or, maybe it isn't: there are probably another eight babies out there who need the free help at least as much as Nadya's kids do. Most young children in need can't rely on income from Mom's Media Circus.

The Fifth House (children) in Nadya's chart is where things really start to get interesting, as you might imagine. First of all, that's where the Sun -- the Ego -- resides in her chart. And it is conjunct Saturn (burdens and responsibilities). Saturn is debilitated in Cancer, being opposite the sign it rules (Capricorn).

At this point, it would be just too easy for me to say "This person places their ego-value in having children, but has a difficult time dealing with the practical burdens that come with it"... but that would be so cliché. And yet, there it is right in the birth chart.

In addition, there is the Moon conjunct Venus is in the 7th House (marriage and partnerships). The Moon-Venus conjunction brings a certain feminine sweetness with it. Undoubtedly (at least on the face of it) she comes across as "marriage material." And that 7th House conjunction is being squared by Neptune (delusion) in the 10th House (life goals), which is conjunct the Midheaven. And with transiting Neptune taking its time opposing that conjunction and the 7th House cusp, we should probably not be surprised that she isn't married.

Having said that, she's probably getting a lot of male attention from all the news coverage... just as serial killers always seem to get groupies once they are in prison. With all that Neptune happening, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if she did get married to someone in the next year or two... and that relationship is likely to fall apart not too long after that. Neptune transits like that are a great time to get foolishly married.

As with any birth chart, there's a lot of information here. But, even with my efforts to the contrary, there is a lot here to back the notion that Nadya Suleman is an attention seeker who uses her children to get it... and uses other people's money to get and keep those kids.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Faith, Astrology, And Cylons

For those of you who haven't watched "Battlestar Galactica," two assignments today:

1) Get to work buying, downloading, or stealing all four seasons of the new "Battlestar Galactica." You know, deep in your heart, that you want a week off from work... and BSG is the best way you could spend it.

2) Have a look at today's choice re-runs here:

The Feast Of Chiron

Transits: Awaiting The Divine Hammer Blow

...then skip over the rest of this entry until you're caught up on Battlestar Galactica. You'll thank me later.

***

Battlestar Galactica ended last Friday. The series had always been good at throwing surprises at its fans, and the show ended with what was a huge surprise for some, and no surprise at all for others:

Battlestar Galactica was a four-year-long parable about faith, reincarnation, human nature, and destiny.

Doctor Gaius Baltar wasn't exactly the "bad guy" of the series... that role more naturally falls to a race of genocidal religious-fanatic robots, The Cylons. Creator/producer Ron Moore once described Baltar as "the most human of the human characters." This, as you can well imagine, certainly made him look like a villain at times. In the first two hours of the series, he violated security protocols and (unwittingly) enabled the Cylons... rampaging race of rebellious robots... to launch a sneak attack on Humanity, almost completely wiping it out.

From that point onward, Baltar spent most of his time covering his ass regarding his guilt in this, and in various other schemes/plots/lies all intended to further cover his complicity in the near-annihilation of the human race. Baltar has at times struggled towards The Light, but in true human form, he fell short. Repeatedly.

The crux of the entire series fell to a single conversation between Baltar and Cavil (the leader of the Cylons, and perhaps the only true atheist on the show) who held a gun to the head of a child who turned out to be of vital importance to both sides. And in that one scene, Baltar redeems himself... both as a person, and in a larger, spiritual sense.

And, in my humble opinion... coming from someone who has Saturn in the Ninth House, someone who has always been secretly annoyed by the dogma and irrationality that spirituality (and yes, astrology) often come coated in... words of Great Truth were spoken that night:

Baltar: I may be mad, but that doesn't mean that I'm not right. Because there's another force at work here; there always has been. It's undeniable. We've all experienced it. Everyone in this room has witnessed events that they can't fathom, let alone explain away by rational means. Puzzles deciphered in prophecy. Dreams given to a chosen few... whether we want to call that God or gods or some sublime inspiration or a divine force we can't know or understand, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It's here. It exists. And our two destinies are entwined in its force.

Cavil: If that's true, and that's a big if, how do I know that this force has our best interests in mind? How do you know that God is on your side, Doctor?

Baltar: I don't. God's not on any one side. God's a force of nature, beyond good and evil. Good and evil, we created those. Want to break the cycle? Break the cycle of birth, death, rebirth, destruction, escape, death. Well, that's in our hands, and our hands only. It requires a leap of faith. It requires that we live in hope, not fear.


Thank you Ron Moore... and thank you Battlestar Galactica... for making it a little easier to believe in something greater, surrounded as we are by dogma, machines, and intolerance. Thank you.

And what about YOUR future? It starts HERE. Give it a click and send in your info... no obligation.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Could An Astrologer Have Warned Liam Neeson?

Unfortunately, probably not. But that's probably because of a lack of data rather than any inherent limitation to astrology.

In my previous article on the death of Natasha Richardson, I only really scraped the surface of the various astrological warning signs that an attentive astrologer might have seen. There were, in fact, more... and the comments on that entry pointed out more techniques yet that indicated the possibility of physical hazard.

One lesson I learned from practicing the techniques outlined in The Astrology Of Death is that if you are going to die, and you are of great importance to someone... your death is going to register as an important event in their birth chart. Unfortunately, we don't have a time of birth for Natasha's husband, Liam Neeson. And without it, his transits at the time of his wife's tragic accident are surprisingly... bland.

Liam Neeson was born June 7, 1952 in Ballymena, Northern Ireland. Without a time of birth, his transits are hard to read. Of course, the ongoing Saturn-Uranus opposition has been squaring Liam's natal Sun-Mercury-Venus conjunction off and on for over a year now, which undoubtedly has made trouble for him in one department of his life or another. But in all my tabloid gossip reading (a professional hazard for astrology bloggers) I don't recall ever hearing of any marital trouble with Liam and Natasha Richardson. Certainly, given the connection between Venus and one's love life, it would be a natural area of inquiry for any astrologer doing a reading for Mr. Neeson.

What this all raises with me is not so much an astrological observation, but two philosophical questions:

1) Have you ever noticed how many times, when someone loses a loved one suddenly, the story goes like this:

"We had been arguing, and he/she (ran out, had to go, got a call on the other line)... and the next thing I knew, the police were at me door telling my he/she was gone..." ?

2) Is there someone you should be talking to today?

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Drunk Dialing With Venus Retrograde In Aries

(Scene: Matthew The Astrologer's bedroom. It is 4:23 AM. The phone rings repeatedly, and MTA's arm lashes out in the dark trying to find it. After a half dozen rings, he grasps the receiver and drags it back under the covers.)

MTA: ...hello?

VENUS: It's ME baby!

MTA: Wha.... who?

VEN: Venus! Your old girl, Venus!

MTA: Oh, uh... hi. Have you been drinking?

VEN: Not too much. I've been wanting to talk to you for ages now.

MTA: And you being drunk has nothing to do with it, I'm sure. How's the retrograde working out for you?

VEN: I have a bone to pick with you about that. Everyone wants to say I'm deblil--... debullet--... deboobliated...

MTA: Debilitated?

VEN: Debilitated in Aries, and retrograde, and everyone's picking on me for it. You're the only man who realizes that, Vedically, I'm actually in Pisces. And I'm exalted!

MTA: Yes, dear. You're not nearly as bad as everyone thinks.

VEN: Damned right! And I'm sick and tired of -- (there is a surprised yelp on the other end of the line, and a sound of clattering wine glasses hitting the floor)

MTA: Are you okay, Venus?

VEN: I retrograded over the cat and fell. Where was I?

MTA: You were saying something about how Venus Retrograde is the kind of time when people have a chance to review old relationships and re-evaluate the things that make them happy, and that (although it can be awkward) it's ultimately important... because it can be a chance to vanquish old emotional ghosts, or maybe re-evaluate what you once had but is gone?

VEN: Right. You're awesome, Matty!

MTA: Um, thanks. Just doing my job.

VEN: Oh, job! That reminds me... how's work?

MTA: Going pretty good.

VEN: Have you told people about that amazing Recession Buster Astrology offer of yours?

MTA: Not so far, today.

VEN: Get on that! I rule love AND money, you know. Well, sort of. That bastard Jupiter hogs a lot of the limelight. Speaking of money... where's my purse? The Booze Delivery Wagon is here...

MTA: You've got one of those there in the Zodiac?

VEN: I'm a Goddess, baby... I get everything.

MTA: So it seems this whole retrograde in Aries thing is working for you. At least you seem to be having fun with it...

VEN: Ugh, gotta go... I'm going to be sick...
(VENUS hangs up.)

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Could An Astrologer Have Warned Natasha Richardson?

The short answer: yes.

Of course, there is another (at least as important) question this raises: could an astrologer have actually saved Natasha Richardson's life?

The other short answer: probably not.

Natasha Richardson, wife of Liam Neeson and daughter of Vanessa Redgrave, was born May 11, 1963 in London, England. There's a time of birth going around for her of 5 PM, which I can't confirm but I tend to believe... to me, she looks like a Libra rising with the ruler in Aries.

Natasha remains in serious condition after a skiing accident at Mt. Tremblant, Quebec. Although there's nothing official yet, rumors are circulating that she has been taken off of life support and that her friends and loved ones are awaiting the inevitable.

At the time of the accident, transiting Mars at 2 degrees Pisces was opposite her natal Uranus, secondary progressed Uranus, and secondary progressed Midheaven, all clustered at 1-2 degrees Virgo. Any transit from Mars to natal Uranus (but especially the difficult squares and oppositions) are naturally a time when accidents are much more likely to happen. Furthermore, Mars was passing through her Fifth House... recreational activities.

Certain features in the Vedic chart also stand out as a warning. At the time of the accident she was in a period known as "Rahu-Mars"... her major Rahu (North Node) period, Mars sub-period. This is a time that is relatively hard to predict for, and where even ordinary things can go wrong. But among other things, it is a time to beware Mars issues... which includes sporting accidents. Further: Venus is one of the two maraka ("death-dealer") planets in her birth chart, and her natal Venus is closely square the Nodal axis. So given the rulerships in her chart, a really good astrologer who was taking a good detailed look at her transits could have warned her specifically about the risk of a potentially fatal injury occurring during a recreational activity, and (with just what I've laid out here) he could have spotted the Danger Time within a few days.

So if Natasha Richardson had sat down with an astrologer before the accident, the astrologer could have very easily said something about "be really careful with that skiing lesson you have scheduled for next week." The astrologer might have even been concerned enough to tell her to take a pass on any new athletic activities.

But of course, no one runs every last detail of their by what their astrologer says... or hardly any do, anyway. And they shouldn't. Even the best astrologer can make mistakes.

So: suppose Natasha had spoken with an astrologer a week before the accident. The astrologer finds all the warning signs I've delineated above, and explains them to Natasha in detail.

Most people are going to do what they are going to do anyway, despite what any astrologer tells them. Ask any astrologer yourself how many of his/her clients come to get readings about bad relationships and whether or not they should leave... and when the client leaves the astrologer, he or she goes right back to the bad relationship.

In all likelihood, Natasha would have listened to the warning and still gone skiing, except maybe she would have been extra cautious to stick to the beginner's hill and gone out with a qualified instructor.

Which is, of course, exactly what she did anyway.

I believe that when all the details are released, we are likely to find that Natasha Richardson had an underlying, pre-existing circulatory issue: perhaps a weakened blood vessel in her brain that had been there for years like a time bomb, just waiting for the right nudge at the right time to go off.

Just like everything else in a birth chart, come to think of it...




Monday, March 16, 2009

Is Compatibility Always A Good Thing?

Imagine for a moment you're an astrologer seated in front of your new clients... a couple who have just recently gotten together, and are still starry-eyed for each other. They want to know if their birth charts have what it takes to make the relationship work. Their names are Paul (08/27/1964, 8:31 AM, Toronto, Canada) and Karla (05/04/1970, Port Credit, Canada).

He looks at you with the clear-eyed gaze you'd expect from his Virgo Rising, yet with a certain friendly charm coming from his Jupiter-Ascendant trine. She seems sweet and affectionate... a classic Taurus woman, with the gorgeous cheekbones provided by her Capricorn Rising.

You note that she's a Taurus and he's a Virgo... we're off to a good start. Their moons are conjunct too... and thus your enthusiasm for the compatibility of these two people is starting to increase. You note that her Venus and Mars are in Gemini, whose ruler is in Taurus. His Venus and Mars are conjunct in Cancer... even though there no aspect between his and her conjunctions, this is still good news: they both have high sex drives, and the rulers are well placed.

The more you look at the two charts, the more you notice their synastry has a lot of happy looking trines, and the squares are easily missed in the rush of Young Love sitting before you. Everybody loves that sort of thing. Good looking people, made better looking by the flush of Love. So, perhaps having been made a little cynical about "perfect couples" over the years of your practice, you pull out the composite chart. And you gasp in surprise. What looked good in the synastry looks even better in the composite chart.

"Wow!" you exclaim, "What a composite chart! There's just so much positive here... where do I start?" More often than not, being an astrologer means delivering tough news to your clients. This reading, however, looks to be one of those cases where the news is overwhelmingly positive. Enthusiastically, you plunge in.

"Well, let's see... the ruler of your Fourth House is conjunct Pluto, and it's in the Tenth... you too are going to have a really unusual but fierce sense of family."

(Paul Bernardo always had a thing for Karla Homolka's little sister Tammy. Karla didn't like that, but she loved Paul, so she decided to give Tammy to him as a Christmas present. On December 23, 1990, Karla spiked Tammy's drink with crushed Valium, and once Tammy went to bed, she helped a little more, pressing a cloth soaked with Halothane to her little sister's face. They both raped Tammy in the basement, and filmed it. Tammy began vomiting and choked to death on it without regaining consciousness.)

"All those planets in the Eighth House ought to make for an excellent sex life. And the ruler of your Twelfth House is in the Eighth... you two should have a great fondness for "sneaking around' for secret little rendezvouses ..."

(Paul and Karla dressed Tammy's corpse and put it back to bed, and stayed up vacuuming and doing laundry half the night while Tammy was pronounced dead at the hospital.)

"The Eleventh House ruler is Mercury, which is in turn ruled by the composite Moon in the Eighth House. You two will probably have a lot of fun planning little get-togethers with friends and co-workers."

(On June 7th, 1991, Karla invited a fifteen year old former co-worker over for a couple of drinks mixed with Halcion. Once the girl had lost consciousness, Karla called Paul to let her know she had a surprise engagement present for him. They both sexually assaulted the unconscious girl, and again videotaped it.)

"Moon in the composite Sixth House means you two should have excellent work habits and ability to plan out and execute projects together."

(June 15th, 1991: eleven days after her fifteenth birthday, Paul picked up Leslie Mahaffy and drove her back to his house. Karla joined in, and they did the same things -- this time holding the girl for about 24 hours before murdering her. The cement block they put her dismembered body into washed up on the shore on June 29th, 1991 -- at about the same time Paul and Karla were riding in a horse-drawn carriage at their storybook wedding.)

With Scorpio Rising, and Neptune in the composite First House, you two will have a really "dreamy" effect on people when you show up together. You might be good at a joint sales project, or... with Mercury trining that Neptune... working together to persuade others."

(April 16, 1991: Paul and Karla abduct Kristen French at knife-point. Same story as before, except this time the rape and torture lasted for three days before Kristen's murder. Paul and Karla were careful to make sure Kristen was dead in time for them to attend Easter Dinner with their parents.)

The happy couple takes this all in, smiling and nodding. They leave hand in hand, and you smile, pleased that your work is done and you've made nice people happy about their lives.

That, and it's nice to have a break from bad relationships for once.

Friday, March 13, 2009

How To Tell If Your Boss Is A Dick: A True-Life Parable About Compatibility

Unfortunately, most people aren't able to select a job by compiling birth data for all their possible bosses and then choosing the best match. It's usually luck of the draw. But what if you could? Wouldn't it be nice to pick a boss as dedicated to the goal as you are?

Suppose you join the US military for any of the usual reasons: you want to serve your country, you're worried about your enemies, it's what Dad did, you can't afford an education on your own... whatever motivates you. It turns out you're pretty good at field operations and sneaking up on people and such, so you find yourself assigned to a special unit. Let's call it "JSOC"... Joint Special Operations Command. It has a nice Tom Clancy-ish ring to it.

You meet your new boss. He has Virgo rising, so you know he has good attention to detail. The ruler, Mercury, is in the 6th House in Aquarius... excellent attention to detail, and an ability to see "the big picture." And that Mercury is trine its own ruler, Uranus. Uranus in his birth chart is in the 9th House... higher mind and philosophical ideals. So this new boss of yours is obviously the kind of guy who can pick a goal and stick to it. And, since Uranus is involved, he isn't afraid to break a few rules to get what he wants.

On top of that, let's say you are also highly compatible with this new boss. With the right ideas and the right dedication, an employee-boss combo like that could achieve a lot of goals most others couldn't hope for. The world is yours!

I don't have any birth charts for any members of JSOC. I only have birth data for their boss, Richard "Dick" Cheney, former US Vice President. Dick was born January 30, 1941, at 7:30 PM in Lincoln, Nebraska. Almost every other astrology blogger on the Internet has been all over his chart for years now, so I'm not going to go into tremendous detail... just his qualities as a boss.

Dick had a lot of dedication to the cause (ruler of the 1st House in the 6th). Dick had the ability to find like-minded people (Ascendant ruler in Aquarius, trine its own ruler). Dick had a gift for staying loyal (6th House ruler in the 9th House).

Dick Cheney, it seems, also had a private Death Squad. It's called JSOC.

There aren't really any rulers of "good" or "evil" in a birth chart. You can tell how attached a person gets to their goals, and what kind of follow-through they have in achieving them, though.

Isn't working towards a common goal with a like-minded boss great?


Thursday, March 12, 2009

Saturn Strikes Back: Bernie Madoff And Dr. Phil McGraw

Two cases of Saturn Gone Wild are in the news today: one is getting a lot of attention, the other isn't... yet. But the second case is a definite matter of "stay tuned."

First, hypermegacrook Bernie Madoff has pleaded guilty to eleven charges related to his investment scheme that defrauded people of some 50 billion dollars.

Stop and think about that for a second. One man's scheme... 50 billion dollars. That's a full time, operational moon base. Or two hundred and fifty Mars probes. Or if you prefer to think of these things in slightly more down-to-Earth terms... lunch, for every man, woman, and child in Africa. For a month. With a fortune cookie. With a dollar in it. Each.

Bernie Madoff was born April 29, 1938 in Queens, New York. The time of birth isn't known (so I won't speculate in great detail), but his Moon is in either late Aries or early Taurus. It's tempting to leap to the conclusion that it's Taurus (based on the nature of his life's work), but let's be honest... Aries can be greedy too.

Two things about his transits really stand out. First of all, Neptune is rolling into a conjunction with his natal Jupiter, and a square to his natal Venus. In anyone's birth chart, this would automatically raise questions about the financial and material situation. Neptune has a tendency to bring delusion with it... but it also has a tendency to dissolve things.

Don't expect this story to go away any time soon: even with the guilty plea, there is still a small matter of "where the hell did fifty billion dollars go?" And given the Neptunian nature of the transits... although Bernie doesn't appear to be fighting the charges, don't expect any easy or sensible answers.

Second: Saturn is now exactly conjunct Madoff's natal Neptune. Just as Neptune can bring delusion and confusion, Saturn has a tendency to drag your delusions into the cold light of day. Bernie is 70 years old, and it's probably not too much of a stretch to say that he will likely spend the rest of his life being punished (Saturn) for the delusions he spun (Neptune).

On a more personal note, I suspect part of the reason why Bernie was able to get away with so much for so long was because for the last 20 years or so Western Culture seems to have become obsessed with a culture of what I am now calling "Greed Porn."

If we had a time of birth for Bernie Madoff, we could be more exact about what happened and what is to come. We don't. However, we do have a time of birth for another case of the Saturn Blues. It's one you haven't heard nearly as much about yet. But I believe you'll be hearing more about it in future.

***

Six months ago I wrote about Dr. Phil McGraw, the loud and annoying relationship expert, and the largest spin-off from Oprah Winfrey's media empire. At that time, Dr. Phil was going through a tough stretch at work.

At that time, I noted that Dr. Phil wasn't out of the woods yet as far as his transits. And I ended with this: "Phil has Saturn smack on his Seventh House (marriage and partnerships) cusp. And who is that stern little gimlet-eyed woman staring at him from the audience all the time? Yup. That's Mrs. McGraw."

Although Dr. Phil is currently getting a lot of attention for his work with Octomom, there is a story brewing about a four million dollar lawsuit against Dr. and Mrs. Phil regarding an alleged breach of promise, where Mrs. Phil apparently convinced a cosmetics company that Dr. Phil would hype their products on his show.

This story hasn't gotten too much attention... yet. But Phil is having his Saturn Return, and Saturn is on the 7th House cusp... marriage and partnerships. And in his birth chart it is ruled by Mercury, in Libra, also in the 7th... and it is being squared by transiting Pluto. And his secondary progressed Saturn is still in his 7th, and is rolling into a conjunction with the South Node... the Dragon's Tail, which tends to digest your plans and crap them out.

I wouldn't necessarily predict the end of Dr. Phil's marriage, but I can say this much: I believe Dr. Phil's marriage is running less smoothly than we've heard, and it's going to get worse. And all of this is happening while the ongoing square from transiting Saturn to Dr. Phil's Midheaven (career) is just starting to kick in.

Phil, if you're listening: there is no shame in asking for help... even if you yourself are a member of what is called "the helping professions." And if it turns out you need someone with experience and a solid track record... I know a guy who does good work.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Nadya Suleman And Her Children, Part Two: The Final Conflict

At long last... the final entry in my exhaustive (and exhausting) look at The Astrology of Octomom Nadya Suleman and her children. I've look at the charts of a lot of newborns for their mothers before, but I find I'm thankful that this particular clown car of kids didn't arrive at my door for a reading.

Individually, the octuplet's charts have some interesting features. Given the time of birth, the first has 29 degrees Aries rising, and the last has 0 degrees Taurus rising. As you can imagine, the charts are otherwise pretty much identical.

(There are certain Vedic techniques that can tease out more individual differences between the kids, but let's be honest: if you don't even have your first tooth yet, it isn't time to start worrying about subtleties like that.)

Sun/Moon/Jupiter/Neptune/Chiron/North Node in Aquarius, all disposited by a 12th House Uranus in Pisces, certainly seems to reflect the unusual nature of their entry into the world. And (all else being equal) Mars culminating would likely indicate reasonable health in the long run... which is a good thing when you grow up with seven womb-mates. Hopefully it's enough to balance out the health quirks that could come with having Saturn retrograde in the 6th, tightly opposed by Uranus. Hopefully. Then again, I strongly suspect that those practitioners specializing in Medical Astrology would accuse me of being too optimistic... and they might be right.

Another astrologer elsewhere has commented on the Aquarius stellium and noted that Aquarians like to work together in groups. But -- based on the assumption that these kids won't be able to raise themselves (imagine a tribe of baby Tarzans without apes around to help them) -- we should look at how Mom's birth chart interacts with theirs. And when we do, we see --

(A word of warning: Observer Bias is a hazard in any field of endeavor. If a client comes to you for a reading wondering if he/she is ever going to get married, and your first thought is "My God, you smell bad," then you are much more likely to overlook all the potential positives and dig up obscure aspects and asteroids with silly names and unproven techniques to back your contention -- conscious or otherwise -- that the client smells too bad for anyone to get close to, let alone marry. I am doing my best to factor out the pure craziness (in my opinion) of this whole situation.)

-- the interactions between Nadya and the octuplet's charts are troubling. or perhaps more accurately... the lack of interaction is troubling.

The octuplet's Suns are trined by Mom's Pluto... technically a positive aspect, but still not necessarily a comfortable aspect for a developing child. Nadya's Mars squares their Sun within half a degree. There are no aspects from Mom's chart to their Moons... except for a sextile from her Neptune and a weak trine from Pluto.

The Outer Planets are certainly powerful, but when you see a parent-child interaction based largely on Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto... it's time to worry a little.

Although there are other positives in the interaction... Mom's Sun-Saturn conjunction trines their Venus-Uranus conjunctions... overall, I'm just not seeing the same kind of "cosmic glue" between the charts I'd normally see, or like to see, in a mother-child comparison.

It's almost as if Nadya Suleman is the package the children arrived in... and not really their "mother" at all. Perhaps, in future, that will be exactly the case.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Virgo Full Moon News And Delusions

-World Astrology Day is March 15th, but I have decided to celebrate today. Why? Because today is the Full Moon in Virgo. I've known a lot of astrologers in my time, and almost all of them enjoy drinking (Sun in Pisces) and nitpicking (Moon in Virgo).

-The Chinese government (or at least Xinhua, the official news agency) apparently employs top-rate astrologers. How else could they predict "Lhasa peaceful and quiet on major Tibet anniversary" in an article written less than half way through the day?

-According to Forbes.com "31% [of Americans polled] told Harris interviewers they believed in astrology." This, according to Forbes, makes them "superstitious." Forbes is the publisher of Fortune and Business Week. Curiously, the article doesn't offer an opinion on how many of its readers are believers in the, um, science of Economics... or (based on Forbes investment advice in the last year) which soup lines those readers are standing in today.

-Finally, the Amazing Surprise Economic Turnaround Astrology Experiment, born in the wake of the Aquarius New Moon, is officially a big success and will continue. Have you tried it for yourself yet?

Now, today's choice Full Moon Fever rerun:

Moon In Cancer On The Ascendant: An Interview

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Monday, March 9, 2009

What Pluto In Capricorn Means To Me

I love dogs. They've always been good to me: friendly, loyal, and playful things that they are. You need to know how to handle them, of course. Dogs are by nature pack animals, genetically programmed to respond to and search for a sense of hierarchy in whatever social environment they find themselves in, even if that environment includes no other dogs.

I love free-market capitalism. It's been good to me, overall... certainly at least, it's been better to me than communism has been to, say, the average Chinese peasant.

As we have all seen in the last few months, there is a certain similarity between free-market capitalism and dogs: both have to be given a sense of their place, and firm guidelines... otherwise both will crap on your rug at will.

We all bought the hype. We all thought Rover was so cute when he was being bratty. And now, in both cases, we are scrubbing the floors and bemoaning the expense of buying new carpet.

If you haven't seen it, please have a look at the clip at the end of this article. Although "The Daily Show With Jon Stewart" was taking a dig specifically at CNBC, the criticisms directed at financial news reporting can really be directed at The Big Money Mentality in general.

There are those out there who want to wave the Red Flag Of Socialism in your face and try to scare you into thinking that the changes in our system are the harbinger of doom for capitalism. Just as so many of us were lulled into accepting the status quo all these years (despite real income slowly dropping year after year, despite "wealth creation" going overwhelmingly to the already-very-rich) by The Money Cheerleaders, there are now those who want you to be afraid of the change that is happening now. They want you to think that increasing controls on markets and taxing the incredibly wealthy their fair share is wrong.

Similarly, there are a few (thankfully, only a very few) astrologers out there who have learned they can make a buck filling you with The Fear Of Pluto.

As should have been said to you before the crash... Don't Believe The Hype. Change makes room for the new and improved. The current economic crisis may have finally shown up modern economic theory for the somewhat-of-a-farce that it is... but its fall will leave room for something more accurate and more meaningful. Like, maybe... astrology.

Even on a bad day, I'm a lot more accurate than those clowns on TV and in the papers and magazines and sitting behind a desk at your bank who were yelling at you to invest in AIG last year.

Pluto frequently makes itself felt as a destructive force. Pluto is now in Capricorn, the pinstriped-suit sign that always makes me think the most of banks and investors and such. The one thing to keep in mind is that The Flaming Sword Of Pluto is ultimately, more often than not, a good thing. It is the fire that burns off the old weeds to make room for the new crop.

So, fear not. Change is required, and more change is coming yet, Pluto-style. Remember: it was a disaster that wiped out the dinosaurs... and it was the ability of your ancestors to adapt to that change that enabled you to be here now, all big-brained and upright with opposable thumbs... leafing through your bills and wondering how to make ends meet.

No fear. Breathe. You made it this far. You'll make it through the rest.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

It Bears Repeating: The World Will Not End in 2012

If you've been following my blog for a while, you'll realize this entry is a repeat. I've decided to run it again because the crazy juice still hasn't been wrung out of the subject, at all. It's a bit like yelling at a Taurus to "hurry up"... you know it won't do any good, but you just can't help it sometimes.

By the way... you're all invited to my Christmas Eve 2012 "I Told You So!" Party. Bring you own apocalypse...

***

According to many, the world is going to end on December 21, 2012. This is when the Mayan calendar comes to an end. Personally, I always thought the Mayan Calendar came to an end at that point because the Mayans weren't planning on going to anyone's birthday party or attending any business meetings hundreds of years after the collapse of their society, but I could be wrong. And many New Age-y types have decided that this is when civilization is going to collapse, because that's when Nibiru comes back.

"Nibiru comes back?" The miniskirt making a comeback, sure. But what the hell is "Nibiru"?

According to Zecharia Sitchin, who claims to be an expert in Ancient Sumerian studies (but got his degree in Economic History), Nibiru is a giant planet, the size of Jupiter or larger, on an eccentric orbit that brings it into the inner Solar System about once every 3600 years or so. His decoding of ancient Sumerian and Mayan texts apparently confirm this. The story is that Nibiru will be returning soon... making its closest approach to Earth on December 21, 2012.

Those ancient Sumerians and Mayans... they couldn't hold their empires together, but apparently they were waaaay better astronomers than we are.

I'm not fluent in Mayan or Sumerian, so I have no place criticizing Sitchin's archaeology. But others have, and there is a fairly exhaustive rundown of Sitchin's errors here. But astronomy and astrophysics? Those are subjects I do know a little about. And I can tell you with great confidence that THERE ARE NO GIANT RAMPAGING PLANETS OUT THERE COMING TO EAT YOU. Honest.

Consider this: everything with mass in the universe has a gravitational field. The greater the mass, the stronger the field. That's why apples fall to Earth, and why the Earth doesn't fall towards apples. The Earth orbits the Sun. If the Earth were travelling faster, it would achieve "escape velocity": the speed needed to fly away from the Sun and off into the Cosmos. If the earth were to slow down, it would fall into the Sun. Every planet in the solar system has a gravitational effect on every other planet, though (relative to the huge mass of the Sun) the pull that, say, Neptune has on Venus is pretty weak.

Put another way: when you were born, the mass of the obstetrician had slightly more influence on you than the planet Mars did... but slightly less than that of Jupiter, the largest planet in our solar system.

If two bodies of sufficient mass pass close enough to each other, they will have an effect on each others orbits around the Sun. Many asteroids have had their orbits affected by the occasional(relatively) close brush with Jupiter: picking up speed and moving out into more distant, less circular orbits around the Sun as a result.

Even though Niburu has such a long orbit, given the age of the Solar System (about 4.5 billion years), it would have passed by Earth (and all the other planets) about one and a quarter million times in the life of the Solar System. And yet despite all these close brushes with a giant planet, Mercury through Neptune remain in relatively stable, circular orbits. The odds of that being the case with a Niburu whipping through the neighborhood that many times is comparable to the odds of making your first break in a game of pool by throwing a bowling ball onto the table... and having all the pool balls drift elegantly back into their original triangular configuration. Try it sometime... with someone else's pool table, ideally.

Furthermore... you'd think that with something that big in our own Solar System, there would be some kind of observational clues... after all, we found Pluto, and it's a tiny, insignificant little thing compared to Uranus and Neptune. Uranus, in turn, is much smaller than Nibiru allegedly is; and Uranus was discovered in the 1700s. As far as observational data for Nibiru: there was a misidentified sighting of a distant galaxy by the IRAS satellite in 1984 that has gotten a lot of coverage as being "Nibiru," and the occasional misidentified sun dog.

The primary reason all of this bothers me... other than it being a sign of how damned bad public education really is these days... is that there seem to be a lot of people out there exploiting the fear of Nibiru Doom for profit.

Like these people. Or these people. Or this guy. But most of all: THIS guy.

And regardless of which religious tradition one follows, or which ancient texts on bases one's beliefs on... most faiths agree that hoodwinking the gullible for profit is a bad thing. And I agree.

So: no need to panic. The only threat to the world in 2012... or now... is human nature itself.

Okay, in light of that... maybe you can panic a little.


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Friday, March 6, 2009

The Astrology Of A Bellyache

It never ceases to amaze me how well astrology works... not just when it comes to relationships and such, but for everything.

Case in point: last Friday night after church services (which in my case, means watching the new episode of "Battlestar Galactica") I found myself craving something sugary, in much the same way that people often crave a cigarette after really good sex.

Yes. "Battlestar Galactica" really is that good.

There didn't seem to be anything in the kitchen, and I didn't feel like going out. Fortunately (or so I thought at the time) I found a package of Hot Chocolate cartridges for my Tassimo Coffee Maker.

(An aside: the Tassimo is a great machine. Kind of expensive for just a cup of coffee, but the pre-loaded cartridges make a pretty good cappucchino, without the hassle of actually buying a proper cappucchino machine and then doing all the work of foaming it up, et cetera.)

So I had my hot chocolate. After about twenty minutes, I began to notice certain digestive after-effects. Without going into graphic detail... I got sick as a dog.

Between trips to the bathroom, I decided to check out the Tassimo package for an expiry date. Sure enough... I had never noticed this before, but there was in fact an expiry date in tiny, obscure print on the packaging. In between bouts of, um, emesis, I was able to track down the shelf life of a standard Tassimo cartridge and work out a "birth chart."

We were definitely not compatible.

Tassimo Hot Chocolate cartridge, date of birth: March 7, 2007, time unknown, Don Mills, Ontario, Canada.

So here's how that Tassimo cartridge's "birth chart" interacted with mine, in terms of our "relationship":

The cartridge had Sun-Uranus-North Node conjunct in Pisces... conjunct my Saturn, squaring my Sun, and opposing my natal Uranus-Pluto conjunction. This also squares it's own Jupiter (good times), which in turn conjuncts my Sun (leading to excess). The Sun in my birth chart is in the 6th House, ruling health matters.

Its Venus (sweets) squares my Moon, Ascendant, and Mars.

Mercury and Neptune are conjunct in its chart, and are square my natal Neptune (Neptune rules, among other things, poisons). And of course, Neptune also implies the lack of realism required to completely ignore expiry dates.

The Tassimo cartridge's Saturn squares my natal Neptune, and its Pluto opposes my Jupiter.

So, two important lessons here:

1) The universal forces responsible for Astrology... whatever those may be... clearly have implications far beyond the petty details of one's love life or finances. One way or another... it really does seem that everyone (and everything) is, in fact, connected. Deeply and profoundly so.

2) Always read the damned label.

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The Amazing Surprise Economic Turnaround Astrology Experiment continues! Click here to read more, and to join in!

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Dropping Off Your Emotional Baggage At The Venus Station

Venus comes to a "station" tomorrow and turns backwards... retrograde. If you've been exposed to much astrology in your time, you're probably familiar with the effect of Mercury Retrogrades. I never used to put too much stock in them... and still don't cringe in superstitious terror of them as some do (even though The Universe has occasionally backhanded me for that attitude)

Astrology should be more than just a matter of "good times are coming next week" or "it's about to hit the fan." Most people don't pay attention to a weather forecast just to bitch about the rain... they do it so they know whether or not to take an umbrella. So, with this in mind, I'd like to present my prescription for the upcoming Venus station and retrograde.

Just as thought and communication can get screwy during a Mercury retrograde, matters of love and money can go similarly awry during a Venus retrograde. But knowing that the conditions are coming, you can take the appropriate actions.

Of course, the effects of this Venus retrograde will depend on the placements in your birth chart. But just as a general precaution, now is a good time to reflect on the state of your heart (and your wallet). As Venus is currently in Aries, the temptation is to leap at love... and being retrograde, the temptation isn't tempered by what most people would consider to be complete rationality.

I know I'm going to be taking the time in the next couple of days to take a good long look at things, and make some cuts. And maybe... just maybe... a couple of leaps. After all, Venus is in Aries... and what's the point to anything being in Aries without being a little bold about it?

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The Amazing Surprise Economic Turnaround Astrology Experiment continues! Click here to read more, and to join in!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

A Day Without An Octomom Update Is Like A Day Without Sunshine (Or Maybe A Day Without Diaper Rash)

The Amazing Surprise Economic Turnaround Astrology Experiment continues! Click here to read more, and to join in!

***

Sorry for the delay with Part Two of my Octomom series... I thought I was on a roll analyzing her birth chart, only to realize that every single new observation I made was based on house placements... which are almost certainly wrong in the chart I was looking at, which was for a noon birth. As of yet no official time of birth seems to be a matter of public record. The funny thing is... I didn't really stop to think about it until signs of her being a responsible parent began to show up.

As reported by TMZ.com, the domestic fitness of the Suleman residence has been questioned before, with no less than six child-related visits by the police in the last year... not counting two visits recently to shoo away the horde of reporters perpetually hovering around the house of late.

...and the octuplets haven't even moved in yet.

When I looked at the birth charts of Nadya's first six kids, I tried to steer the attention away from Mom and towards the individual kids. It turns out that may have been the right approach to take. Although I initially avoided too much discussion of Nadya's own birth chart because there wasn't a time of birth available, and the Wikipedia article on her still insists that her date of birth is, citing her divorce papers as a source... although I've squinted myself half to death staring at them and still don't see a date of birth for Nadya (Natalie?) Suleman-Doud-Gutierrez in there.

So although I believe the July 11 birth date is the correct one, I'll be cautious. And I'll keep fishing around for a time of birth for her.

In the meantime, try a delicious sample of choice reruns...



Monday, March 2, 2009

How To Seduce A Taurus Man: An Illustrated Guide


Basically, everything you need to know is illustrated right here:


A well-fed Taurus is a happy Taurus, and a happy Taurus will naturally be curious to see your new undies... and what you keep in them.

Don't you love simple, straight-forward astrology?

Now, today's choice reruns: