Venus in Pisces, Mars in Virgo: Pinky And The Brain Try Internet Dating

(Venus in Pisces is considered to be an "exalted" placement: full of open-hearted non-judgmental love and willingness to express it. Mars in Virgo is looking to win by analyzing the details. The two positions are opposite each other, and Venus opposition Mars is in full effect now.)

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(SCENE: Late night at Acme Laboratories. In a darkened corner two laboratory mice in a cage are huddled over a tiny little computer, checking out a dating site.)

PINKY: Oy, what about this one, Brain? She seems really nice, and oh look... she likes long walks! That could come in handy. Narf!

BRAIN: Don't be ridiculous, Pinky. Pay attention to the rest of her ad. "Must be goal-oriented and self sufficient."

PINKY: Well, that's you, isn't it?

BRAIN: That's a code-phrase for "she's a gold-digger" Pinky. You know I can't touch my savings. I need it for a new Death Ray!

PINKY: Oh, okay. Hey, look at this ad! She says she's easygoing and appreciates being able to relax with a loved one over a glass of fine wine!

BRAIN: She has low standards and a drinking problem. Next!

PINKY: Well, SurferGirl67 likes classical music like you do...

BRAIN: I hate what she's done with her hair.

PINKY: This one has a fondness for animals...

BRAIN: I am an animal! She'd never be faithful!

PINKY: SunshineLover81 enjoys spending time on the beach and --

BRAIN: --and is an unmotivated skin-cancer candidate.

PINKY: AudreyJ has loved and lost but is ready to try again...

BRAIN: Too many issues with her ex.

PINKY: JJLaRue says she's wild, spontaneous, and affectionate...

BRAIN: Tramp.

PINKY: IowaHomegirl wants a committed relationship that lines up with her values...

BRAIN: Prude.

PINKY: Narf! You aren't making this easy, Brain! You're analyzing everything to death!

BRAIN: (Turns off computer and walks to the edge of the cage, stares off into the distance) Enough of this foolishness! You know what we're going to do tonight, Pinky?

PINKY: Go out and try to find someone in person, so we can see them for who they really are instead of dismissing them offhandedly based on a few lines of type and a couple of pictures?

BRAIN: No Pinky. We're going to try to take over the world with my army of remote controlled pigeons I've trained to poop on anyone whop dares challenge our dominance. It's a much more practical and achievable goal.

PINKY: (sighs) I'm lonely.

BRAIN: Shut up Pinky.

(This Thursday on "Conquer The Universe With Astrology":  it's Astrology: The Pants-Optional Venus And Mars Show." Click HERE to set a reminder... and bring a date if you like.)

Check out my show! If you like what you hear... there's more to come in the future! Please feel free to drop by and visit my Donations Page. It's what keeps me going and, and you might just get a surprise...And yes, I still send free stuff to everyone who writes me!

If you're new to this blog, here's a sample of my previous shows and blog entries. Enjoy!

"Conquer The Universe With Astrology" Returns Tonight!

No more Mercury Retrograde, no more summer vacation, no more excuses... "Conquer The Universe With Astrology" is back tonight for a new season! (Are there Blogtalkradio seasons? Why not?). Tonight Nadiya Shah will be joining us to discuss her video projects, her upcoming appearance at SOTA to discuss Mars, and more!

PLUS: Debates, void of course Moons, job plans, and why I demand to see Rick Perry's long-form Birth Certificate.

Tonight at 10 PM Eastern, 7 PM Pacific

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN OR SET A REMINDER!

Check out my show! If you like what you hear... there's more to come in the future! Please feel free to drop by and visit my Donations Page. It's what keeps me going and, and you might just get a surprise...


...And for those of you who like to play along at home, here are the charts for the Obama Jobs speech, and the GOP debate at the Reagan Library. Click on 'em... they get bigger:

Conquer The Universe With Astrology: Welcome To My Mars Transit

TONIGHT'S SHOW:  the transits of the planet Mars, and how it affects your --

Oh screw it. I don't have the patience for this any more. Screw it

Shut UP you idiot! people are listening!

Ha! Like ANYONE "listens"...

-- moods and those of people around you. Call (323) 443-7252 if you have any questions.It should be interesting and informative fun for all!

"CONQUER THE UNIVERSE WITH ASTROLOGY"

10 PM EASTERN/7 PM PACIFIC

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN OR SET A REMINDER

And if you don't like that, do your own damned show. See how YOU like it.

Hope to see you all there! Love and Light!

Check out my show! If you like what you hear... there's more to come in the future! Please feel free to drop by and visit my Donations Page. It's what keeps me going and, and you might just get a surprise...

Mars Make Hulk Angry!

Today on "Conquer The Universe With Astrology": yes, even though today is International Women's Day (I sorta covered that on yesterday's show), today we are talking about possibly the most "male" of planets... Mars. We'll be looking at your Mars placement by sign, checking out which aspects make your Mars run better (or scarier). Oh, and apparently Mars has something or other to do with sex. We might get into that too. You never know. Plus, as usual... I'll be taking calls and answering your questions at (323) 443-7252!

4 PM Eastern (1 PM Pacific)

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN OR SET A REMINDER

Check out my show! If you like what you hear... there's more to come in the future! Please feel free to drop by and visit my Donations Page. It's what keeps me going and, and you might just get a surprise...

And yes, I still send free stuff to everyone who writes me!


If you're new to this blog, here's a sample of my previous shows and blog entries. Enjoy!

Astro-Singalong: Full Moon In Aquarius, Jupiter And Uranus Opposing Mars And Saturn

(Catch me at Tedda Hughes Gallery tonight, 7:30 to 9, 1623 Polk Street, San Francisco!)

When you were young and your heart was an open book
You used to say life and let live
(you know you did, you know you did you know you did)
But in this ever changing world in which we live in
Makes you give in and cry
Say live and let die


Live and let die
Live and let die
Live and let die


What does it matter to ya?
When you got a job to do
You gotta do it well
You gotta give the other fellow hell


When you were young and your heart was an open book
You used to say life and let life
(you know you did, you know you did you know you did)
But in this ever changing world in which we live in
Makes you give in and cry...


-Paul McCartney & Wings, "Live And Let Die"

Astro-Singalong: Mars Conjunct Saturn In Virgo, Ruled By Mercury In Leo

I could be wrong I could be right

I could be wrong I could be right

I could be wrong I could be right

I could be black I could be white

I could be black I could be white

I could be white I could be black

Your time has come your second skin

The cost so high the gain so low

Walk through the valley

The written word is a lie

Astro-Singalong: Mars In Capricorn, Presented With A Challenge

I am the stone that the builder refused
I am the visual,
the inspiration,
that made lady sing the blues

I'm the spark that makes your idea bright
the same spark
that lights the dark
so that you can know your left from your right

I am the ballot in your box
the bullet in the gun
that inner glow
that lets you know
to call your brother "son"

The story that just begun
the promise of what's to come
and im'ma remain a soldier
til' the war is won (won)

chop chop chop
Judo flip, chop chop chop
Judo flip, chop chop chop
Judo flip, chop chop chop


-Asheru, "Theme From Boondocks"

Mars In Virgo: Let's Trim Our Hair In Accordance With The Socialist Lifestyle!

We create our own dramas for our own amusement, and frequently participate in the dramas of others for the same reason. This is one of the reasons why television is so popular. It's that time of year where many TV series are winding up, and this can leave people a little restless, having to wait months to find out what their favorite characters will do next. It's enough to make a person want to create a little drama in their own story lines to fill in the gap.

Astrologically, Mars is often the source of interpersonal drama, and Mars is in Virgo now (where it will remain until the end of July). This placement is exacting, precise, and (when it knows what it wants) is not afraid to use tactics like pickiness, nagging, and sharp words to get its way, even when it isn't being direct and exact as to what its actual needs are. That's the tone Mars is bringing to many interpersonal squabbles of late.

(Read the rest for FREE, HERE at the World's Greatest Astrology Dating Site!)

Mars In Virgo: Let's Trim Our Hair In Accordance With The Socialist Lifestyle!

We create our own dramas for our own amusement, and frequently participate in the dramas of others for the same reason. This is one of the reasons why television is so popular. It's that time of year where many TV series are winding up, and this can leave people a little restless, having to wait months to find out what their favorite characters will do next. It's enough to make a person want to create a little drama in their own story lines to fill in the gap.

Astrologically, Mars is often the source of interpersonal drama, and Mars is in Virgo now (where it will remain until the end of July). This placement is exacting, precise, and (when it knows what it wants) is not afraid to use tactics like pickiness, nagging, and sharp words to get its way, even when it isn't being direct and exact as to what its actual needs are. That's the tone Mars is bringing to many interpersonal squabbles of late.

(Read the rest for FREE, HERE at the World's Greatest Astrology Dating Site!)

Venus And Mars Conjunct In Taurus, Square Jupiter And Neptune: The Movie!

It's all there: sex, love, rebellion, sex, rebellion, love, sex... and, um, the sinister preachings of the Communist Puppet??

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The Amazing Recession-Buster Astrology Experiment CONTINUES, new and improved, and still no obligation! Click HERE for details!

The Gentle Charms Of Mars In Taurus: A Conversation With Christian Bale

(Scheduling note: I had originally intended this blog entry to feature a discussion about the nature of Mars in Taurus with actor Christian Bale (born January 30th 1974, time unknown, in Pembrokeshire, Wales, UK). His recent successes have brought new found attention to him, and his Mars in Taurus is fairly strongly plugged in.

I thought he'd be the ideal choice to discuss this placement with. Unfortunately, Chris was unable to attend in person, so I have had to substitute remarks he made on the set of his upcoming film "Terminator: Salvation" to Director of Photography Shane Hurlbut. I'm sure Mr. Bale won't mind. He seems like a sweetheart.)

***

MTA: Mars in Taurus has an unfortunate reputation. Being opposite one of the signs it traditionally rules (Scorpio), it is considered to be "debilitated." Personally, I don't believe this is an entirely fair characterization.

CB: What the f--k is it with you? What don't you f--king understand?

MTA: Mars in Taurus can be a very sensual, affectionate placement -- always ready to heap plenty of attention on friends, loved ones, and co-workers. I've learned this through years of observation.

CB: Well, somebody should be f--king watching and keeping an eye on him.

MTA: Mars in Taurus also has a reputation for a "slow and steady" approach to work and to difficult tasks.

CB: Let's not take a f--king minute, let's go again.

MTA: These people are hard-working, determined, and often excel in whatever career path they find themselves on... whether self-employed or working with others.

CB: Am I going to walk around and rip your f--king lights down, in the middle of a scene? Then why the f--k are you walking right through? Ah-da-da-dah, like this in the background. What the f--k is it with you? What don't you f--king understand? You got any f--king idea about... hey, it's f--king distracting having somebody walking up behind Bryce in the middle of the f--king scene? Give me a f--king answer! What don't you get about it?

MTA: Although generally slow to anger, people with Mars in Taurus --

CB: I'm going to go... Do you want me to f--king go trash your lights? Do you want me to f--king trash 'em? Then why are you trashing my scene?

MTA: -- do have a temper, and when provoked it can be --

CB: Stay off the f--king set man. For f--k's sake.

MTA: -- difficult for others --

CB: I'm going to f--king kick your f--king ass if you don't shut up for a second! All right?

MTA: -- to manage. Fortunately, it usually takes a lot to bring this out of them.

CB: Seriously, man: you and me, we're f--king done, professionally.

MTA: When it comes to their love lives, people with Mars in Taurus can be deeply caring and affectionate, with a strong sex drive.

CB: Ohhhhh, goooood for you. And how was it? I hope it was f--king good, because it's useless now, isn't it?

MTA: In conclusion, it's unfair to characterize Mars in Taurus as a "difficult" placement. As will all astrological factors, it comes with good and bad. properly managed, a relationship of any kind with a person who has Mars in Taurus can be a rewarding, satisfying experience. And thank you for joining us today, Mr. Bale.

CB: You do it one more f--king time and I ain't walking on this set if you're still hired. I'm f--king serious. You're a nice guy. You're a nice guy, but that don't f--king cut it when you're f--king around like this.

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The Amazing Surprise Economic Turnaround Astrology Experiment continues! Click here to read more, and to join in!

Mars In Capricorn In The Seventh: An Interview

"Yet across the gulf of space, minds that are to our minds as ours are to those of the beasts that perish, intellects vast and cool and unsympathetic, regarded this earth with envious eyes, and slowly and surely drew their plans against us."
-H.G. Wells

(SCENE: The Interview Room. MATTHEW THE ASTROLOGER sits behind the desk. The door bursts open and MARS IN CAPRICORN IN THE SEVENTH enters, dressed in battered leather and sporting three days growth of stubble, giving off a very Mad Max air. MARS sits down at the chair in front of MATTHEW, parking his biker-boot shod feet on the desk)

MTA: Well... you're exactly on time.

M7H: I plan ahead. Let's get this candy-ass interview over with.

MTA: Ooookay. Are you usually this, um, charming?

M7H: I'm incredibly well behaved, usually. I'm just keeping an eye on you. Don't want you pulling a hatchet job on me.

MTA: Now why would I do that?

M7H: You might have your reasons. (Removes a serrated hunting knife from his belt, and shoves it point first in the desk) See? I'm not armed now. No need to be afraid, Nancy Boy. Go ahead, ask your questions.

MTA: Mars in Capricorn is generally considered to be an "exalted" placement... the most effective sign you can be in. And you're very strongly aspected in my chart.

M7H: Yeah, and exactly opposite Moon in Cancer. That's caused a few ulcers in my time, believe me.

MTA: But you're in the Seventh House, which is an awkward placement to say the least.

M7H: I admit it made the first marriage difficult. Also: I seem to like 'em a little feisty.

MTA: "First" marriage?

M7H: I haven't given up on a second one. (Pauses) It's a security issue.

MTA: Ah. You've certainly caused a few brawls in your time.

M7H: Verbal ones, mostly. The use of actual physical violence is a sign that you didn't plan ahead... that your opponent got the best of you. But a good verbal fight, if someone has it coming to them and your cause is just? Oh yeah. "To fight and conquer in all your battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting."

MTA: You've read "The Art Of War" by Sun Tzu then?

M7H: When I was twelve.

MTA: It's certainly a good thing you've got all that energy under control.

M7H: I've actually put it to good use. I was a shop steward once, you know. And that's not the only good use I've put it to over the years.

MTA: Really? What else?

M7H: (Standing up, removing his knife from the desk, and turning to leave) Haven't really got time to talk. But look up "The Multi-Orgasmic Man" sometime. It's another classic that's made my life a better place. (Pauses) I know you don't really want to mention that on your blog. But you got your little interview out of the deal, and I got a little advertising for myself out of it. Leave it in. Show some balls... or I will mess you up in ways you can't imagine, when you least expect it.

MTA: Hey.. what the hell? Are you looking for a fight?

M7H: No. Just looking to win. (Turning back before leaving) Besides, it's good for you too. Most of your clients are women, right? And who are most of their complaints about?

MTA: Men.

M7H: (Winks) See? When I'm plugged in, I'm good for business. Takes a thief to catch a thief, right? (Leaves, grinning)

(Part of the "Personal Planets" series. Click HERE to collect 'em all!)

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